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A Very Peculiar Dilemma

Hi all, sorry for the extensive post.

In about September of last year, a musician friend of mine asked me if I could play two songs for someone who asked him to play bass but he couldn't do it, so he passed it down to me. A simple order, two Megadeth songs (Mechanix and Dread and the Fugitive Mind). Problem was, I was going on a family trip for the week prior to the gig (I was approached 8 days prior), leaving me with a day to practice right before the gig. I accepted and got the gig done. What I wasn't told was that my friend that was asked to play bass actually ended up having to play drums, as the drummer had dropped out of the gig two weeks beforehand, and on the day of the gig the rhythm guitarist left the guys band. Gig went fine all things considered, and I managed to lay down the low end with minimal complications.

Fast forward a week and I'm asked to become the permanent bassist, the guy is a pretty gun guitarist so I agreed, I'm also not opposed to playing something a bit heavier than most things I end up getting roped in to play for, especially if there's coin involved. Turns out he had dropped both the drummer and guitarist, don't blame him but he also didn't have any replacements lined up.

He calls me one day to inform me he's got a gig...playing some acoustic songs...under our metal band moniker...on the side of the road...playing CCR and Seals and Croft covers. I obviously ask why we're doing this under the name of our metal band, as the gig is not gonna be attracting what I would say is our target audience. Also turns out that this is an "exposure gig", but I still agree as a gig is a gig after all. He learns up two rehearsals, one a week before the gig and one the morning of as it was pretty late in the day and the street was quite literally across the road from our rehearsal space. The first rehearsal goes fine, barre him telling me that he didn't want me to play my fretless because it was "too hard for him to see what I was playing".

The morning of the gig he tells me he can't make it to the rehearsal, I'm quite peeved as I had trekked all my gear over to the rehearsal space and could have just stayed at home but whatever, songs are easy as. We get to gig time, I rock up and greet the people playing before us and set up.

Time to play and 5 minutes passes with no sign of guitarist...10 minutes...15 and I give him a call to no response...30 minutes...43 minutes he finally rocks up but he's forgotten his music. I'm genuinely starstruck when it takes ANOTHER 30 MINUTES for his MOTHER to rock up with his music. Considering he picked all of these songs how he couldn't learn the collective ten chords between them is beyond me. He leaves, no goodbye, no apology, no thanks to the people organising the gig or myself and leaves me to help them back down, an hour after they were supposed to. After the gig I call him and tell him if he screws up like that again I'm out, as that was genuinely appalling behaviour.

He's finally found a drummer after about two months of searching, and organises a rehearsal but asks if I want to switch to rhythm guitar, as he wants two guitars but can't find a rhythm guitarist. I tell him that it's gonna be much harder to find a bassist than a guitarist but for the fun of it go along with it, as I've been playing guitar for a while but I'm still a much better bassist than guitarist.

Radio silence for a week and he asks if I wanna jam, I reply with "who's the bassist", he tells me we don't have one, and then asks if we should bring back the drummer HE kicked out as the bassist. This is the nail in the coffin, I tell him I'm out.

My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long? Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?

Not stupid, just highly dedicated. Me, I’d be gone at the massive turn over in personnel.

One person at a time can work with a rehearsal prior to gigging and the new member is prepared. Two or more people at one time is a band rebuild and that takes a lot of uncompensated time. A 360 degree turnaround in genre on top of it?? My head would explode.
 
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Hi all, sorry for the extensive post.

In about September of last year, a musician friend of mine asked me if I could play two songs for someone who asked him to play bass but he couldn't do it, so he passed it down to me. A simple order, two Megadeth songs (Mechanix and Dread and the Fugitive Mind). Problem was, I was going on a family trip for the week prior to the gig (I was approached 8 days prior), leaving me with a day to practice right before the gig. I accepted and got the gig done. What I wasn't told was that my friend that was asked to play bass actually ended up having to play drums, as the drummer had dropped out of the gig two weeks beforehand, and on the day of the gig the rhythm guitarist left the guys band. Gig went fine all things considered, and I managed to lay down the low end with minimal complications.

Fast forward a week and I'm asked to become the permanent bassist, the guy is a pretty gun guitarist so I agreed, I'm also not opposed to playing something a bit heavier than most things I end up getting roped in to play for, especially if there's coin involved. Turns out he had dropped both the drummer and guitarist, don't blame him but he also didn't have any replacements lined up.

He calls me one day to inform me he's got a gig...playing some acoustic songs...under our metal band moniker...on the side of the road...playing CCR and Seals and Croft covers. I obviously ask why we're doing this under the name of our metal band, as the gig is not gonna be attracting what I would say is our target audience. Also turns out that this is an "exposure gig", but I still agree as a gig is a gig after all. He learns up two rehearsals, one a week before the gig and one the morning of as it was pretty late in the day and the street was quite literally across the road from our rehearsal space. The first rehearsal goes fine, barre him telling me that he didn't want me to play my fretless because it was "too hard for him to see what I was playing".

The morning of the gig he tells me he can't make it to the rehearsal, I'm quite peeved as I had trekked all my gear over to the rehearsal space and could have just stayed at home but whatever, songs are easy as. We get to gig time, I rock up and greet the people playing before us and set up.

Time to play and 5 minutes passes with no sign of guitarist...10 minutes...15 and I give him a call to no response...30 minutes...43 minutes he finally rocks up but he's forgotten his music. I'm genuinely starstruck when it takes ANOTHER 30 MINUTES for his MOTHER to rock up with his music. Considering he picked all of these songs how he couldn't learn the collective ten chords between them is beyond me. He leaves, no goodbye, no apology, no thanks to the people organising the gig or myself and leaves me to help them back down, an hour after they were supposed to. After the gig I call him and tell him if he screws up like that again I'm out, as that was genuinely appalling behaviour.

He's finally found a drummer after about two months of searching, and organises a rehearsal but asks if I want to switch to rhythm guitar, as he wants two guitars but can't find a rhythm guitarist. I tell him that it's gonna be much harder to find a bassist than a guitarist but for the fun of it go along with it, as I've been playing guitar for a while but I'm still a much better bassist than guitarist.

Radio silence for a week and he asks if I wanna jam, I reply with "who's the bassist", he tells me we don't have one, and then asks if we should bring back the drummer HE kicked out as the bassist. This is the nail in the coffin, I tell him I'm out.

My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long? Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?

Short answer - Yes. Though stupid? No. Just needing the experience to know the signs to recognize the next time you encounter someone who can't be on time and prepared.

Next time that happens, you'll know it's time to walk.

And "exposure" gigs? Unless it's for a high-visibility, heavy-hitter benefit for a real non-profit in need of support, the only thing I've ever gotten from "exposure" was sunburn or frostbite.

S***, exposure? I'll get arrested.
 
There are a few that are tasty:

31KZl2ZB3QL.jpg


But, the vast majority of them just waste your time.
 
I was asked to join a band to back an established local singer. Showed up and there was no drummer. I called a friend and he came over. For some reason my friend and the organizer clashed hard. Before the next get together, the organized called and said my pal was too much of an ass and was out. I asked about a drummer and was assured he had one lined up. We meet a second time and he’s got this sixteen YO kid with a marching band snare and a cardboard box. The gear was pathetic enough but the kid had no rhythm. Before I left I told the organizer if he didn’t have a drummer by the weekend (or first job was Saturday night) he’d need to also find a bass player. The next day my pal the drummer called and said the guy called and told him he had been fired but was being rehired. We did the Saturday night, then collectively fired the organizer/guitar player and found a guy who could play and was also a team player. Ye effin ha! What a country!! :D
 
My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long?
"stupid" is harsh, but yeah, you're responsible for your actions, your thoughts, your choices, gambles, etc. but it sounds like you're in the driver's seat in this scenario. exploit it for your own bad self. rock on, good luck! :thumbsup:

My question is...Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?
yes, but i haven't spent much time with the type. avoiding this kind of stuff (knowing the wheat from the chaff) is crucial for growth and opportunity. it's OK to set limits and boundaries and to state them now and again to those folks who may need to consider your goals. ;)
 
Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?

Yes. Unfortunately they seem all-too common.

My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long?

I won't say you are stupid, but I would have bailed log ago.

Here's a relevant saying:
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
 
It sounds like this guy just has no idea at all how to lead a project.


Is he bipolar or just very confused?

It's OK if the vision of what the band should be changes here or there. But if it changes every gig, that's insane. Find people who have a clear idea of what they want to do, and a good idea of what your role is. This guy is not going to take you anywhere but to crazy town.
 
There are many unfortunate souls who are unable to avoid repeatedly, habitually stepping on their own hair. I empathize with them, and sometimes try to help, but never let them step on mine.
 
Hi all, sorry for the extensive post.

In about September of last year, a musician friend of mine asked me if I could play two songs for someone who asked him to play bass but he couldn't do it, so he passed it down to me. A simple order, two Megadeth songs (Mechanix and Dread and the Fugitive Mind). Problem was, I was going on a family trip for the week prior to the gig (I was approached 8 days prior), leaving me with a day to practice right before the gig. I accepted and got the gig done. What I wasn't told was that my friend that was asked to play bass actually ended up having to play drums, as the drummer had dropped out of the gig two weeks beforehand, and on the day of the gig the rhythm guitarist left the guys band. Gig went fine all things considered, and I managed to lay down the low end with minimal complications.

Fast forward a week and I'm asked to become the permanent bassist, the guy is a pretty gun guitarist so I agreed, I'm also not opposed to playing something a bit heavier than most things I end up getting roped in to play for, especially if there's coin involved. Turns out he had dropped both the drummer and guitarist, don't blame him but he also didn't have any replacements lined up.

He calls me one day to inform me he's got a gig...playing some acoustic songs...under our metal band moniker...on the side of the road...playing CCR and Seals and Croft covers. I obviously ask why we're doing this under the name of our metal band, as the gig is not gonna be attracting what I would say is our target audience. Also turns out that this is an "exposure gig", but I still agree as a gig is a gig after all. He learns up two rehearsals, one a week before the gig and one the morning of as it was pretty late in the day and the street was quite literally across the road from our rehearsal space. The first rehearsal goes fine, barre him telling me that he didn't want me to play my fretless because it was "too hard for him to see what I was playing".

The morning of the gig he tells me he can't make it to the rehearsal, I'm quite peeved as I had trekked all my gear over to the rehearsal space and could have just stayed at home but whatever, songs are easy as. We get to gig time, I rock up and greet the people playing before us and set up.

Time to play and 5 minutes passes with no sign of guitarist...10 minutes...15 and I give him a call to no response...30 minutes...43 minutes he finally rocks up but he's forgotten his music. I'm genuinely starstruck when it takes ANOTHER 30 MINUTES for his MOTHER to rock up with his music. Considering he picked all of these songs how he couldn't learn the collective ten chords between them is beyond me. He leaves, no goodbye, no apology, no thanks to the people organising the gig or myself and leaves me to help them back down, an hour after they were supposed to. After the gig I call him and tell him if he screws up like that again I'm out, as that was genuinely appalling behaviour.

He's finally found a drummer after about two months of searching, and organises a rehearsal but asks if I want to switch to rhythm guitar, as he wants two guitars but can't find a rhythm guitarist. I tell him that it's gonna be much harder to find a bassist than a guitarist but for the fun of it go along with it, as I've been playing guitar for a while but I'm still a much better bassist than guitarist.

Radio silence for a week and he asks if I wanna jam, I reply with "who's the bassist", he tells me we don't have one, and then asks if we should bring back the drummer HE kicked out as the bassist. This is the nail in the coffin, I tell him I'm out.

My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long? Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?

Let me guess, the guys name is; Mal Function?
Jack Nicholson summed it up in 2 words; Mental Defectives.
One flew east. One flew west.
One flew over the cuckoos nest.
 
Hi all, sorry for the extensive post.

In about September of last year, a musician friend of mine asked me if I could play two songs for someone who asked him to play bass but he couldn't do it, so he passed it down to me. A simple order, two Megadeth songs (Mechanix and Dread and the Fugitive Mind). Problem was, I was going on a family trip for the week prior to the gig (I was approached 8 days prior), leaving me with a day to practice right before the gig. I accepted and got the gig done. What I wasn't told was that my friend that was asked to play bass actually ended up having to play drums, as the drummer had dropped out of the gig two weeks beforehand, and on the day of the gig the rhythm guitarist left the guys band. Gig went fine all things considered, and I managed to lay down the low end with minimal complications.

Fast forward a week and I'm asked to become the permanent bassist, the guy is a pretty gun guitarist so I agreed, I'm also not opposed to playing something a bit heavier than most things I end up getting roped in to play for, especially if there's coin involved. Turns out he had dropped both the drummer and guitarist, don't blame him but he also didn't have any replacements lined up.

He calls me one day to inform me he's got a gig...playing some acoustic songs...under our metal band moniker...on the side of the road...playing CCR and Seals and Croft covers. I obviously ask why we're doing this under the name of our metal band, as the gig is not gonna be attracting what I would say is our target audience. Also turns out that this is an "exposure gig", but I still agree as a gig is a gig after all. He learns up two rehearsals, one a week before the gig and one the morning of as it was pretty late in the day and the street was quite literally across the road from our rehearsal space. The first rehearsal goes fine, barre him telling me that he didn't want me to play my fretless because it was "too hard for him to see what I was playing".

The morning of the gig he tells me he can't make it to the rehearsal, I'm quite peeved as I had trekked all my gear over to the rehearsal space and could have just stayed at home but whatever, songs are easy as. We get to gig time, I rock up and greet the people playing before us and set up.

Time to play and 5 minutes passes with no sign of guitarist...10 minutes...15 and I give him a call to no response...30 minutes...43 minutes he finally rocks up but he's forgotten his music. I'm genuinely starstruck when it takes ANOTHER 30 MINUTES for his MOTHER to rock up with his music. Considering he picked all of these songs how he couldn't learn the collective ten chords between them is beyond me. He leaves, no goodbye, no apology, no thanks to the people organising the gig or myself and leaves me to help them back down, an hour after they were supposed to. After the gig I call him and tell him if he screws up like that again I'm out, as that was genuinely appalling behaviour.

He's finally found a drummer after about two months of searching, and organises a rehearsal but asks if I want to switch to rhythm guitar, as he wants two guitars but can't find a rhythm guitarist. I tell him that it's gonna be much harder to find a bassist than a guitarist but for the fun of it go along with it, as I've been playing guitar for a while but I'm still a much better bassist than guitarist.

Radio silence for a week and he asks if I wanna jam, I reply with "who's the bassist", he tells me we don't have one, and then asks if we should bring back the drummer HE kicked out as the bassist. This is the nail in the coffin, I tell him I'm out.

My question is...was I the stupid one for staying with it for this long? Have you ever experienced anyone like this before?

Flake!