Adventures in auditions, jealous GF edition.

[two fingers]

Yeah it's time to start thinking about starting a band. It seems like a daunting task because it is. Just being honest.

But it is SO rewarding. You and I are in two COMPLETELY different situations. I'm a dang near 50 year old dad who wanted to play mostly covers a couple times a month.... but with good musicians. Everyone around here, even the guys my age, are trying to "make it", or want to rehearse twice a week forever, or want to get hammered/high for hours and maybe play some music.... or, quite honestly, suck at their instrument. So I decided to start my own band. It took MONTHS to bring together the five of us, who fit perfectly together. We have become like family in a very short time. In fact, we are having a band Christmas party tonight at our female singer's house, including spouses/SOs and children of band members.

The point is, it's worth it. You seem classy and professional. Stay that way and find others who are.

This is probably NOT the kind of band you would want to play in. But it fits me perfectly. I'm the long haired weirdo in the back. And I love these people.

Best of luck to you moving forward.

 

[MynameisMe]

Sounds like an excuse to say no to you.
Don’t feel too bad. They did you a favor.
You know as a female musician you have to be better and shine more to get the gig.
You will find your place.
Don’t give up!

 

[punchdrunk]

Those guys are weaksauce

 

[buldog5151bass]

What evidence do we have that this band can function like adults?

There are a lot of toddlers over 18 running around out there.

Obviously this band can't. My point was pointing out OP's looks as being a factor was improper and irrelevant.

I've been in bands for over 30 years - male, female, married couples, single couples, etc. The only time this came up was in high school.

 

[BassUrges]

Looks shouldn’t be a factor.

Looks are a factor.

Among accountants and PhD scientists an Presidential candidates. It’s not right, but it is.

 

[nutdog]

I'm surprised he spelled it out like that. Sue them. Maybe you could win and have to pay a portion of anywhere they pay to play.

 

[Paulabass]

Forty five years later and I'm still seeing bands that a spouse or GF comes to every show. She looks bored and plays with her phone the whole show. You know she hates every minute, but has to keep her eye on her BF/Hubby. Can you even imagine what an awful relationship they have off-stage?

 

[Nevada Pete]

What a wimp. My wife is paranoid of women? That guy JD will be miserable for the rest of his life. Half the people in the world are women. It will never end for him...

 

[Nevada Pete]

Been playing for decades. The last 2 decades the most successful bands I've been in have had at least one female player.
Female fronted bands by talented vocalists that can attract and hold the attention of an audience, sometimes spellbound are the best paying shows.
Besides getting paid to play by the venue, we regularly find lots of $20's and a couple times a month $100 bills in the the tip jar.
People tend to get up and dance sooner and longer with Female fronted bands.

This may only apply to cover bands, which we are but we get the same reception whether it's an intimate eatery/bar or a rowdy Biker bar.

Hint: It's the talent, ability, musicianship and showmanship of the female vocalists you have performed with that attracts and holds the attention of your audiences. Not their gender.

[Politically Correct Note: The term showmanship was not intended to be gender specific ]

 

[210superair]

Looks shouldn’t be a factor.

Looks are a factor.

Among accountants and PhD scientists an Presidential candidates. It’s not right, but it is.

This is true. I've been dogged by my handsomeness my entire life. It's terrible. Lol...

Seriously tho, my violin player is a hot little lady. We have zero issues tho, because her husband plays mandolin, so... I always enjoy playing music with women, and have never once had any kind of issue like this. Professionalism is all it takes. Besides, I love my wife, so physically all other women mean nothing to me.

 

[BurtMacklinFBI]

Like you said, dodged a bullet. Guaranteed you would have gotten dragged into some goofy drama, probably involving some creepiness on the part of the dude. Gross.

 

[mcnach]

JD is attracted to you, & he knows his wife will find out.

Maybe.
But most likely not.

Having had a very jealous partner in the past, I know very well that it had nothing to do whatsoever with me, and all to do with her own insecurities. It's a tough one because it's not like they choose to be that way, they're not evil or anything, but there's little anybody can do. Personally, I ended up becoming distanced from female friends I had had for years, and even lost a couple entirely. I quit a band I liked because it was easier than dealing with my gf's jealousy about the backing singer whose place happened to be in front of me (my gf accused her of shaking her ass in front of me to entice me) etc etc. I got in trouble sometimes because I was nice to our waitress. By being nice I mean I'd be polite and smile and say thank you etc... nothing weird, not even making conversation: I was out for dinner with the woman I loved, I didn't care for any waitress. But you can't be rational when it comes to jealousy.

OP did well in avoiding that band. There would be drama sooner or later, no matter how much one could insist that JD is not exactly the OP's type.

 

[Beej]

It can be a thing though. We lost an exceptional lead guitarist when his girlfriend met our new singer. Within a month he was gone. The story later came out the our new singer looked a lot like a woman the LG had had an affair with 15 years earlier. So much idiocy, so few bands...

 

[JohnnyChatter]

Crazy the guy even told you that... Dudes must be pretty immature. One of my better drummers was a female. There’s a band around the corner who would love to have a female influence.

 

[Beej]

Yeah it's time to start thinking about starting a band. It seems like a daunting task because it is. Just being honest.

But it is SO rewarding. You and I are in two COMPLETELY different situations. I'm a dang near 50 year old dad who wanted to play mostly covers a couple times a month.... but with good musicians. Everyone around here, even the guys my age, are trying to "make it", or want to rehearse twice a week forever, or want to get hammered/high for hours and maybe play some music.... or, quite honestly, suck at their instrument. So I decided to start my own band. It took MONTHS to bring together the five of us, who fit perfectly together. We have become like family in a very short time. In fact, we are having a band Christmas party tonight at our female singer's house, including spouses/SOs and children of band members.

The point is, it's worth it. You seem classy and professional. Stay that way and find others who are.

This is probably NOT the kind of band you would want to play in. But it fits me perfectly. I'm the long haired weirdo in the back. And I love these people. View attachment 3621653


Best of luck to you moving forward.

You look at lot better than me, man. We're the same age, but I look like I could be your dad.

 

[SactoBass]

this is a pretty huge bullet dodged in my book

^^^THIS! That's reason enough right there to celebrate!

 

[five7]

Better now than later. If you were in Denver my band would hire you. I left a month ago and my singer has two bands that need bass.

 

[rutrho]

Yeah it's time to start thinking about starting a band. It seems like a daunting task because it is. Just being honest.

But it is SO rewarding. You and I are in two COMPLETELY different situations. I'm a dang near 50 year old dad who wanted to play mostly covers a couple times a month.... but with good musicians. Everyone around here, even the guys my age, are trying to "make it", or want to rehearse twice a week forever, or want to get hammered/high for hours and maybe play some music.... or, quite honestly, suck at their instrument. So I decided to start my own band. It took MONTHS to bring together the five of us, who fit perfectly together. We have become like family in a very short time. In fact, we are having a band Christmas party tonight at our female singer's house, including spouses/SOs and children of band members.

The point is, it's worth it. You seem classy and professional. Stay that way and find others who are.

This is probably NOT the kind of band you would want to play in. But it fits me perfectly. I'm the long haired weirdo in the back. And I love these people.


Best of luck to you moving forward.

Yeah, forming my own group is most likely going to happen sometime in the new year. Trying to do originals just makes it more of a challenge and the chemistry even more important, I feel. Only issue is finding a place to practice or reherse or otherwise deal with drums, haha. Apartment life is no fun...

Also, I suspect we're not too far off, life wise.... I mean, I'm a mid-30's mom with a fam just looking to play and make some heavy music. Surprisingly hard to do around here, but oh well.

How OP looks is irrelevant. Adults can function like adults.

Looks shouldn’t be a factor.

Looks are a factor.

Among accountants and PhD scientists an Presidential candidates. It’s not right, but it is.

Yep. Looks are a HUGE thing, even more so when it comes to cis-het normative relationships and behavior and jealousy and stuff. Its weird, I don't get it and it drives me crazy but it is a factor, esp when some degree of sexual attraction is involved.

 

[eJake]

I'm sorry that happened to you OP. Like you said, it's probably for the best.

FWIW I have a female bandleader who's been doing it for over 15 years. She's tough as nails, takes zero crap from anyone. I look up to her, she is a bad mofo on the keyboards and a strong leader on and off stage.

 

[swink]

Questions that may be asked before the next audition:
-Are they going to play for an exclusively male audience?
-What is the comfort zone where female species are allowed?
-Did the future already happen? If yes, in what era?
-...
Wish you all the luck with the next one