You look at lot better than me, man. We're the same age, but I look like I could be your dad.
Sorry to hear that Beej. I’m 49 and could almost be twofer’s twin brother, except my hair is a bit longer and I have a bit of grey in my beard.
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Adventures in auditions, jealous GF edition.
- Thread starter rutrho
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Sorry to hear that Beej. I’m 49 and could almost be twofer’s twin brother, except my hair is a bit longer and I have a bit of grey in my beard.
Thanks Charlie...your sympathy sounds so...sincere...Sorry to hear that Beej. I’m 49 and could almost be twofer’s twin brother, except my hair is a bit longer and I have a bit of grey in my beard.
Female bass player and engineer here, vintage model! That is, I'm 67. I spent the first half of my life thinking things were changing for women, and we were blazing a trail. Now I feel... cross. I'm lucky in that my band is me with my husband on guitar and vocals, with a drummer. But enough already.
Sounds like JD's got drama. Maybe you and 'R' should form your own band and find a replacement for JD!
IME/IMHO, there's any number of reasons--good or bad, sensible or stupid--why someone might not offer you the gig. It's a lot like applying for a day job, in that way. You're smart to shake it off and just keep looking.
The takeaway in that text is that they liked your playing. You can take some pride in that.
The takeaway in that text is that they liked your playing. You can take some pride in that.
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You look at lot better than me, man. We're the same age, but I look like I could be your dad.
I have bad knees and high blood pressure. But if genetics has anything to do with it, I'll die with a head full of jet black hair.
Sorry that happened to you, but there is an upside: At least they didn't string you along until the weirdness blew up.
If we're closer in age/lifestyle than I thought, that's even more reason to be super picky. If you have your family's support, form a band. Find the like-minded people first. Then work out the logistics (where to rehearse, PA, diner points of musical styles, etc.).
One criteria for being in my band was you gotta like my kids.
My wife is an intelligent redneck. She can take care of herself. 
That's lame. Forming original metal is a lot of work time but that only added, for a while. Practice spaces were tough, we were too loud for a couple of them and did a lot of moving. I hope you make what you are looking for.
Ok, can of possible worms time:
I know this isn't the topic, but, I felt upon reading this I need it explained to me. I don't doubt it is true in ways but in my experience it seems like looks matter to everyone. If you would be so kind, I am curious.
My "camp" for reference is 'I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes"
Ok, can of possible worms time:
I know this isn't the topic, but, I felt upon reading this I need it explained to me. I don't doubt it is true in ways but in my experience it seems like looks matter to everyone. If you would be so kind, I am curious.
My "camp" for reference is 'I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes"
Intentionally leaving out the dudettes?
Hahaha. Thought never crossed my mind.Intentionally leaving out the dudettes?
It’s ridiculous, but better that you didn’t get into the situation and then find out how childish they are.
Hah, I pretty much agree with the we're all dudes bit, growing up in the bay area and then living in Santa Barbara for the better part of a decade. Its very much a thing here, less so than some parts of the world...
Anyways, in the context of relationships and other stuff... well its complicated, first about me: I'm super duper queer. Married to an awesome woman, we have a kick ass kid, I work in aerospace engineering/mfg, and I generally have the social skills of a sack of potatoes and am a-typical of of the experiences that a lot of people have. In short, a lot of people expect me to be and act one way based on my appearance, and its just not the case.
So how does this apply to what I said about some of the sort of cis-het normative things that people do in their relationships? Quite a bit, but its less important from my existence, experiences and other garbage and to do with how other people tend to see others and interact with them.
We as people only have our own unique expectations of others to guide how we choose to interact with someone upon meeting them for the first time, or as a series of interactions forms into a meaningful relationship. You see it a lot in more in topics of race or identity politics and it generally turns into a messy cluster -fsk real quick when that happens. In this specific context of band goofyness and this dude and his gf, well, there is some bizarre jealousy that I admittedly don't fully understand, but its something that we generally see in society as a whole.
I guess an easier example would be some of the tropes about male - female dynamics in relationships when it comes to interaction between partners and their friends and nights out with the guys or nights out with the girls.
(I really hope this makes sense, Coffee isn't kicking in yet...)
I guess a clear example is seeing a group of women on a tv show, and someone in that fictional group makes a comment about their bf doing something and then the group chiming about dumping his ass over some tiny issue or other dumb thing. yeh, its fiction but garbage like that does happen.
There are a lot of social norms that we tend to force on others without really seeing/realizing them and it takes a LOT of effort to really even start seeing them much less moving past them for most people.
Anyways, hope this sort of made sense... having long nuanced discussions on social functions and behavior is not something I'm good at. I can do a much better job telling someone how to design and build a gimbal for a spacecraft....
Ah, yes...middle school...it was the best of times, it was the worst of times - it was lunch!
Sounds like JD and his high-anxiety wife have a fragile relationship/marriage and are worried that the mere presence of another female in any regard will disrupt the unhealthy equilibrium they exist in thereby forcing them to confront their real problems.
Too bad that didn’t work out, but here’s an angle...did you have good enough chemistry musically together with this audition that you and the band could keep your ears open and recommend each other to other bands looking for bass players and bass players looking for bands? Never hurts to have multiple people keeping their eyes out for you, that’s how a lot of my friends in my scene find new gigs.
Too bad that didn’t work out, but here’s an angle...did you have good enough chemistry musically together with this audition that you and the band could keep your ears open and recommend each other to other bands looking for bass players and bass players looking for bands? Never hurts to have multiple people keeping their eyes out for you, that’s how a lot of my friends in my scene find new gigs.
Well I really appreciate you taking the time to put all that down. I agree. Like generally with all that. I think I read it more like "looks matter less to us" and had to do a double take. Which is my projection of some BS. Mostly being a white possibly cis het Male now living in Wisconsin lol... I feel that whole, people act toward and react to you on a level of their own understanding or expectations. Identity is a mofo. We don't know the humans we interact with till we do. Hope that made sense. I know the garbage you speak of well, that just seems like a lot of life, a strong reason I don't fxs with a lot people. Back to your audition and this lady, she's jealous for who knows which reason. Doesn't matter. Hope you find some folk to slay with. Thanks dude.
Well said. The OP is a very attractive young lady, and that's a world of difference from traveling with another dude. Pretending otherwise changes nothing. We also don't know this man's past - his girlfriend may have every reason in the world to worry about him spending so much time in close proximity with such an attractive woman.
That said, I agree that this is probably a miserable relationship. It's very difficult to police the whole world to keep away temptation.
