• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

After one gig, I think I'm done. Advice? (Long winded post warning)

kissmybASS01

kissmybASS01

Mar 7, 2008
645
667
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
#1
The back story:
I've been in a new (second) band for about a month and a half and really enjoyed the material we were covering. My already well-established band plays mostly blues, old-school R&B, and a bit of classic rock. This new band was playing everything from Queen, Audioslave, RHCP, John Mayer, and even Chuck Berry! This was a cool project.

About an hour before our second rehearsal, our leader/singer informs us that some people will be dropping by to possibly hire us for a Canada Day gig at a private campground. :eek: As it turned out, they liked us despite our young, novice drummer saying, "Not bad for our second rehearsal, eh?" :rollno: :smug:

As it turns out, the couple that owns the campsite is related to my gf's family. No, the actual relatives did not come out to hear us, but rather some of their "minions" came instead.

<fast forward a bit>

Our singer and his girlfriend had previously e-mailed the campground to see if they could bring their two dogs along to the gig, which the campground said was fine, as many of the seasonal campers had dogs.
The day we get there, our singer and his gf were informed that the day before we arrived, they changed the rules regarding dogs. During "public events" (ie. the band, and the Canada Day fireworks display scheduled during our set break), no dogs are allowed at the immediate event area. Meaning, they have to be left either at your tent/trailer, or tied up in a special area set aside for dogs - about 30-45 ft away from the general public.

To me this makes sense. The campground is just making sure that "friendly" dogs don't get freaked out by the loud music, the fireworks, or by little Suzie who decides to pull on a doggie's tail - and that friendly dog bites or attacks somebody.

The singer, our guitar player, and one of the people who came to hear us end up having a "heated" discussion for about 15minutes regarding this issue. After that, everything seemed fine until last night.

I get a frantic call from the owners of the campground (my gf's parents gave them my number). Apparently, our singer's gf went onto Google maps and basically tore the campsite a new one by writing an absolute horrible review. (So terrible, that the owners were considering legal action claiming slander.) I never saw the actual review (which was eventually withdrawn), however the damage has been done. Being the completely innocent bystander, I had no idea about any of this whole internet thing. The owners were very upset because when somebody types the campsite on google maps, it was the first review that popped up. I was on the receiving end of both sides of this whole mess :hiding::bawl:

The owners enjoyed our performance very much, and despite this "incident," they would have us back....provided his gf and their dogs stay home. The singer later told me flat out that he does not want to go back.


My girlfriend will not be going to another gig (of this band) because of this:bawl:

I'm stuck in the middle of this really awkward situation. I've told my little story "around the water cooler" at work, and everyone agrees that the singer's gf flew off the handle for no reason.

This really sucks. What do you guys and galls think?
 
#2
Singer's gf was way out of line, and singer owes the band an apology -- an apology for his girlfriend doing something damaging to the band and everyone in it.

Sounds like the singer may not be far from his girlfriend in mindset, so you should probably figure the whole band existence will be peppered with those issues -- so it's a question of how much you can or want to tolerate.

Not sure why your gf is not going to any more gigs -- unless it's out of a desire to avoid any chance of running into the singer's gf...which would be understandable. And that's another reason to move on -- I'd want my gf to come to feel comfortable at most of my shows.

And singer seems to have a generally bad level of communication...another thing destined to be a recurring headache.

Treat it like a crappy job -- start looking for something new, and stick it out until (a) you find something better, or (b) you finally reach your limit. You never know -- things may stabilize...but they probably won't :(

Good luck, man!

ltt
 
#4
I think that was a wonderful story that ends with you not having to do anything because you didn't contribute to the problem and can't contribute to the solution.

What are the leaders doing about the recalcitrant girlfriend? If it's nothing, and this is the level of drama that band finds acceptable, I'd be sniffing for another gig.
 
#5
Explain the situation to the owners and clear that up first and foremost. Then explain to the bandmates who debated the dog issue that it's unwise to piss off the people that give you work. THEN tell the singer's girlfriend to keep stuff like that to herself. Then quit because clearly some people are a bit crazy.
 
#7
SMILEYSIXX said:
Explain the situation to the owners and clear that up first and foremost. Then explain to the bandmates who debated the dog issue that it's unwise to piss off the people that give you work. THEN tell the singer's girlfriend to keep stuff like that to herself. Then quit because clearly some people are a bit crazy.
Click to expand...
^
I was in a similar situation - Country gig, away all weekend, a friend of my recent ex-girlfriend called a venue owner asking them to keep an eye on me. They called a few times over the course of that night. Venue owner called a band meeting telling us that wasn't on. Band leader gave me a formal warning and ordered me to prevent another situation.

Neither the band leader or the venue manager could comprehend that the situation was out of my control (the owner did, thankfully) and while I was willing to talk to the girls involved to help prevent it happening again, I wouldn't agree I could see the order through. This ended up grating the leader so much he listed it as part of the reason I was let go.

So by all means do the right thing as SmileySixx said (and I should have), but be mindful doing so could cause you unnecessary drama (and guilt), and might not help anyway.

Best of luck.
 
#9
lethargytartare said:
Singer's gf was way out of line, and singer owes the band an apology -- an apology for his girlfriend doing something damaging to the band and everyone in it.
Click to expand...

Yup. But unfortunately, his blinders are on and the girl's always right:rollno:


lethargytartare said:
Not sure why your gf is not going to any more gigs -- unless it's out of a desire to avoid any chance of running into the singer's gf...which would be understandable. And that's another reason to move on -- I'd want my gf to come to feel comfortable at most of my shows.
Click to expand...

My girlfriend's (extended) family are the owners of the campgrounds. My girlfriend wants nothing to do with her.


SMILEYSIXX said:
Explain the situation to the owners and clear that up first and foremost. Then explain to the bandmates who debated the dog issue that it's unwise to piss off the people that give you work. THEN tell the singer's girlfriend to keep stuff like that to herself. Then quit because clearly some people are a bit crazy.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I don't want to be known as "that band.":rollno:

kb9wyz said:
Bro's before ho's. In this case, your GF is the bro, the band is the ho.
Click to expand...
:) :):D lol


I have our second gig this coming Saturday. I'll be letting them know that it will be my last.

Fortunately, I still enjoy being a contributing member of my other band, and...I still have my day job :bassist:
 
#18
personal rule for myself is my gf is never allowed to voice any opinion about my band or voice an opinion publicly for my band

i make sure the rest of the bands im in know this, and i ask them to adopt it for themselves.

as was stated before, if your getting a gig (paid or otherwise), remember, its still business, pleasure should come secondary. And this includes putting aside personall thoughts about what should or shouldnt be allowed.
 
#19
I would never censor my girlfriend like that. That is way too controlling of a solution and what right have you got to insist she keep her opinion to herself.

My idiot bandleader once went off at me because my partner came to the stage to tell me the main vocals and bass were buried in the mix. He was the main vocalist!

The leader flipped out yelling what would she know and tried barring her from venues at that point. Another nail in my coffin when I refused to enable this behaviour by passing the message on and telling him to do it himself. At some point, people need to just grow up, take responsibility and accountability for their own issues, and treat each other with the respect and dignity they deserve!

Rant over, sorry guys :)
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back