Alcohol broke up my band - backwards

[KUNGfuSHERIFF]

I hear through other channels the chick singer is having a massive mourning and depression episode because the band broke up, won't leave the house, etc....... uh.....OK. Glad we're out.

Like I said four pages ago, substances were the symptom but drama was the disease. Best of luck to you all.

 

[fhm555]

Im sure Ill get blasted but when it comes to people "in recovery" I feel like they're sorta broken. You cant have a conversation with them without them bringing it up. Its like hanging out with or working with a cult member.

You need to get out more.

I'm the only guy in my band that doesn't smoke or drink. I quit drinking because my life had become a perpetual blackout and it was just a matter of time before I ran over someone or ran into something driving home blacked out. I quit smoking because my heart doctor said I needed to after telling me he had done everything he could for me (stent) without cracking my chest. I took him at his word.

I could give two sh!+s what the other guys in the band do as long as they show up on time ready to play and don't do anything stupid during the show, like get knee walking drunk.

Unlike a lot of reformed drinkers and smokers, I've never been one to evangelize. If you want to be a stinkin drunk or a smoker it's your life to waste, and it's certainly not mine to save. Having wasted enough of mine already, I'm too busy enjoying a clear head and lungs to worry overmuch about the self destructive habits of the rest of the upright walking animals on this planet.

That said, if someone with a problem asks me for help I'm there. As long as they are trying I'll do anything I can to help, but I never go looking for broken people "projects" to boost my ego.

Most of the sober people I know are like me, but that might be because I have little patience for preachy people who think they have some sort of gift to impart because they (finally) decided to get their sh!+ together and become a self supporting, productive member of the human race instead of a whiny drag on society. I've had to remind more than a few people that even though they are now clean and sober their crap still stinks just like it did when they were throwing BJ's in the back seat for a few more free drinks.

One last thing and I'll shut up. If you are a drunk and you come to me for sympathy, I'll tell you where to find it. it's between sh!+ and syphilis in the dictionary...look it up.

 

[trkelley]

Hey this is the OP just finishing up my end of the thread: The alcoholic and his girlfriend (my previous bandmates) broke up themselves cuz she caught him drinking and fooling around with another chick singer..... oh the humanity....

Happily, I and my partner are now in a new band that's better musically, personally and socially. Another couple, these folks are both 60. Him guitar & songwriter/vocalist, she African and Latin percussion and harmony vocals. They are comfortably retired have money to pay me & my drummer/husband a guaranteed rate for shows. We're going into my favorite local studio to do their second album. The music is awesome, I get to play to my fullest and be part of great 3-part harmony.
And ....
... we drink good Oregon beer, we smoke good Oregon weed.

My advice I guess, is hold out for a band that truly fits your gig on all levels, not just musically.

 

[bluewine]

Alcohol broke up my band, because the lead singer chick is hysterically opposed to drinking. She's the clingy psycho-girlfriend to the guitar-player who is an abstaining alcoholic.

The guitar player is phenomenal, even-tempered, great guy, great songwriter, killer use of tone and effects. The chick is in the band ONLY BECAUSE she's his girlfriend. She's an adequate singer, pretty, moves well, looks good on stage. Not a musician. not a rocker. Very inhibited. The weak link.

The problem? Me, the bass player. I DRINK BEER and smoke weed. Yet they solicited me for the band, knowing those facts, cuz well, I'm a good bass player/harmony singer.

I'm 49 years old, been in the biz a long long time. I've learned where the lines are that work for me, on many levels. I don't get drunk but a few times a year, and certainly never at gigs or practice. I learn my parts, i dress well, i engage the audience, and.....horrors!.... i have a BEER on my amp. I also have tattoos and wear leather and stuff. It's a freakin' rock band for pete's sake! I guess i'm a badass-rocker-wanker-girl image - Joan Jett meets Jaco at a bike show...

So the deal was, their bass player moved away, so they approached me to join. My husband was already in their band, he's the drummer. They had a summer's worth of gigs, working on an album....blah blah blah..... i got sucked in.

The couple say they want to do gigs....but they don't stay up late. She's like a toddler past bedtime.
They play classic and original hard rock .... but they don't ever party and she actively turns her back and walks away from people holding BEER.....
He used to party, so he's open, hip and chill. I have no problem with his sobriety, he's got good boundaries. She's never drank, smoked, tripped, opened her mind in any way and doesn't intent to, EVER. They're both 50.

They're constantly having couple-drama that spills over onto the stage. She's stuck to him like glue, watching like a hawk..... is he going to DRINK, is he talking too much to the bass player.....who DRINKS & cusses & rips a rebel yell once in awhile?

I just got tired of the crap. Me & the drummer quit, but we have one more gig, Halloween..... at least i think we still have a gig. Looking for another band, professionals this time, not living-room couple with Dramatic Issues.
Lesson: I overruled my initial feelings of "not gonna fly" about her because I'm a sucker for a good guitar player, and the guitar player/drummer/me had the Tight Thing going.

Maybe he'll dump her, he has several times over pissy fits about other bands he tries to put together. We're all in the same neighborhood and have known each other for 12 years, so this may not be the end of the story.

So my lesson is -
1)listen to your instincts about people, don't get mixed up with folks whose social habits/politics/religion/irrationalities are actively opposed to yours, and
2) no girlfriends/boifriends in the band who aren't there because of actual entertainer-musican talent.
No jealous psychos of any sort or gender in the band. I've learned this time that I'll work with anyone who keeps their personal crap to themselves, and allows me the same. I will never be in a band where i can't drink some BEER, that's part of the gig for me, no apologies.

OK go play some bass now.

Do what you want, but it sounds like your living in the past.