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Am I a terrible person for this?

What should I do?

  • Put up with it

    Votes: 3 1.2%

  • Say something and risk being unpopular

    Votes: 224 89.2%

  • Find another band

    Votes: 24 9.6%
  • Total voters
    251
#81
Evil Undead said:
Well... I messaged them and...
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At first glace, this looks like a FAIL to me. Why did you message them? You should talk to them face to face. If you come across as a coward, they will treat you like a coward. Now, instead of people saying, "OK, I guess we'll find a sitter for the kids" you have another guy saying he's going to bring HIS kids. Seems like your point was lost. Sounds to me like they think it's up for a vote. You need to decide if you're willing to walk (or they will never take you seriously) and you need to let them know that you are not joking and they need to leave the kids out or you walk. They may tell you to walk. You need to be prepared to do that. If you're not prepared to quit this group and walk, then there is no point to this thread.

You said in one post that there is a teenage daughter of one of these guys? Is there any reason that she isn't babysitting these kids? If it comes to it, you might suggest that all the dads (not you) pitch in and pay the girl to watch the little kids. As other parents have said, a DVD player can fix alot of problems.

I think in your situation, I would simply leave the band. Sounds like you're outnumbered with parents who aren't serious about trying to prepare for a live show. You can mess around at home with an MP3 player if you want to "jam" and never gig. Time to bail out.
 
#82
totallyfrozen said:
At first glace, this looks like a FAIL to me. Why did you message them? You should talk to them face to face. If you come across as a coward, they will treat you like a coward. Now, instead of people saying, "OK, I guess we'll find a sitter for the kids" you have another guy saying he's going to bring HIS kids. Seems like your point was lost. Sounds to me like they think it's up for a vote. You need to decide if you're willing to walk (or they will never take you seriously) and you need to let them know that you are not joking and they need to leave the kids out or you walk. They may tell you to walk. You need to be prepared to do that. If you're not prepared to quit this group and walk, then there is no point to this thread.

You said in one post that there is a teenage daughter of one of these guys? Is there any reason that she isn't babysitting these kids? If it comes to it, you might suggest that all the dads (not you) pitch in and pay the girl to watch the little kids. As other parents have said, a DVD
player can fix alot of problems.I think in your situation, I would simply leave the band. Sounds like you're outnumbered with parents who aren't serious about trying to prepare for a live show. You can mess around at home with an MP3 player if you want to "jam" and never gig. Time to bail out.
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read the entire thread, the dude who was thinkng about bringing his kids along won't and one of the terrorkids isn't coming again.

OP, if you enjoy the band don't quit, don't be pressured by strangers on a forum to quit either.
 
#84
I guess the kids moms are using your band jam for babysitting purposes.

I'd pose the question: When are we going to get back to just the band rehearsing?

If they say "never", well, there you go.
 
#86
Yeah, I agree with Toby, don't quit unless YOU want to quit. If things get better and it's still fun, great. If 3 weeks from now the same things are happening then re-evaluate.

I know I've told you this before, but there are plenty of people out there playing gigs that have only been playing for a year or so. And there's really no better way to get a feel for it without doing it. At a gig your adreneline is pumping, you get a rush from the volume, and the crowd. Its addictive, and I couldn't live without it. And again, it doesn't have to be a bar, you could do a house party, or a friends graduation or something. You'll be hooked once you do!

But this is you, not me. So if you're happy doing what you're doing cool. And I agree with whoever asked if the kids are wearing hearing protection. I always use earplugs when drums are involved. Exposing children to those loud frequencies is irresponsable.

And don't let them bump into that beautiful Warwick!!! :p
 
#87
To the guy who said it was a fail because I sent a message instead of talking to them face to face, I really don't care if you think I'm a coward. If you were a girl who needed to confront 4 men about something like this I'm sure you would be nervous about it. And also as I mentioned earlier, I also have mild autism, so my social skills aren't very well honed, and I'm often taken the wrong way or misconstrued which causes problems.

This is also why I'm so terrified of playing gigs, as I'm awkward and anxious. I never know where or how to stand and also I get worried that someone might throw bottles at me or remove my beloved bass when I put it down. Stupid I know, but it's all part of being me... I'm awaiting an assessment to get better support at the moment which may help, because putting these weird things aside, what chump stain describes sounds like so much fun
 
#89
Say something.

But again not at the practice while the kids are around. I'm guessing you guys hang out other than at rehearsal. I understand people have kids and occasionally even want them around, but there's a ton of risk having kids running around while your trying to play: cord trip hazards, amps getting bumped and falling on little skulls, prized instruments getting dinged and broken, sodas spilt over electronic gear, and any number of other possibilities exist. I'm also willing to bet that since the arrival of the "fans" that productivity of the rehearsals has dropped to well below 50% of what it once was.

Say something, and do it soon. If they get pissy about it, well at least you know where you stand and can make a decision from there.
 
#90
MrLenny1 said:
For you it's an annoyance, for the parents it's cute.
If you say something be gentle, you're knocking their cute kids.

Good luck!
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It's not cute. Any reasonable parent would recognize that letting children run around screaming uncontrollably in a situation like that is irresponsible.

If they have to be there: grab a cheap TV and DVD player and throw a movie in for them. I'm not a fan of the "TV babysitter" but it would be preferable to the current situation...
 
#91
You said something, sounds like you got a positive reaction. How did the singer finally react? Just stand your ground. There is nothing wrong with that.

And I know the first gig is intimidating, but once you've done it it won't seem so bad. And really - it's a good way to gauge how far along you are. You will always be your own worst critic. Find out if your favorite local watering hole has bands ever - if they would be up to having your band play there one weekend or a Thursday or a Sunday. Tell your band members that maybe it's time to put the boat in the water and see if she's seaworthy!
 
#93
Finally had a response from the singer, and it's another positive one! Really pleased
He said that even he found his kid too much of a distraction this week and he's not going to bring her again - he agreed that she's too young to appreciated it really.

Awesome outcome! The 90% of you that voted for the "say something" option gave good advice :D
 
#94
Evil Undead said:
Finally had a response from the singer, and it's another positive one! Really pleased
He said that even he found his kid too much of a distraction this week and he's not going to bring her again - he agreed that she's too young to appreciated it really.

Awesome outcome! The 90% of you that voted for the "say something" option gave good advice :D
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Cool! Glad it seems to be working out.
 
#95
Good for you! Always pays to speak your mind. Recently I've had some stuff bugging.me band wise, little stuff, but it adds up over time. I finally put it out there and I was pleasantly surprised by the positive and agreeable response I received from my hand mate. It was nice to feel that bit of weight lifted off my shoulders.

Hope things continue to improve for you, now go out and play a show! ;)
 
#96
Evil Undead said:
Finally had a response from the singer, and it's another positive one! Really pleased
He said that even he found his kid too much of a distraction this week and he's not going to bring her again - he agreed that she's too young to appreciated it really.

Awesome outcome! The 90% of you that voted for the "say something" option gave good advice :D
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happy0034.gif


Latecomer to the thread, but congratulations for speaking out and getting the response you wanted!

Hope it turns out well in the long run.

I was in a band that practiced at the bandleader's house who happened to be a single father of young children. Many times he found a different place for them to be during practice, but sometimes they were there and running around, hollering, shooting balloons at us, asking him questions during songs... it was very distracting. Since it was their home they had every kind of toy/game/TV/playground imaginable to keep them occupied, but they still would interrupt the band at times. He was a disciplinarian and would not let them go unchecked for long, but still if kids are present they are a distraction... no way around it, even with DVDs or video games. I can't imagine the scene you described, it would be total misery.

Oh, and like others said: get gigging! You'll be glad you did! :hyper:
 
#97
Evil Undead said:
Finally had a response from the singer, and it's another positive one! Really pleased
He said that even he found his kid too much of a distraction this week and he's not going to bring her again - he agreed that she's too young to appreciated it really.

Awesome outcome! The 90% of you that voted for the "say something" option gave good advice :D
Click to expand...

Glad to hear that this has worked out! Overall the rule is always to communicate, just remember that parents are real sensitive about anything that implies their kids are bad kids or that they're bad parents. If you don't say anything, they assume it's all OK. Always look for a way to put it positively. "Maybe it would be better if we found something else for the kids to do while we play..." Well done, anyway.
 
#99
I was going to say you should buy a package of mini snickers bars and just toss them away from you when the kids come around. It'll keep them at a distance, and send them home with a sugar rush that mom will have to take care of instead of throwing her kids at man-time...

All joking aside, it sounds like it went well. Sometimes we're put in positions that we can't get out of, and a half decent man will put his wife and kids first, so I'm really glad you worked it out. We all needs our jam time.
 

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