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Am I a terrible person for this?
- Thread starter Evil Undead
- Start date
I would express your concern in this way. "Hey band, I don't want to hurt your kids because..."
If that doesn't work be more blatant. "Hey band, your kids suck"
If that doesn't work. "Hey band, how much do I get paid to babysit? Nothing? Well then, I am outta here."
I would hope your band understands the first point. If they don't, maybe they are not the great people you think they are. I would never bring my kid (7) to a practice, gig, or any other band function until he was older. I hope these little snots are wearing earplugs atleast. If not, then it sounds like the parent/band member doesn't deserve to be a parent/band member.
I'm not sure if it is one guy with the kids...or a few people bringin a kid each...
but anyway...
If its one guy with all the kids...fire that guy
.
Seriously though,
Let's be honest... It doesnt matter how politely or nicely you say it, people do not like being told that their kids are misbehaving/bad/naughty/stupid...etc
once your feelings come out, its pretty much the beginning of the end of your relationship with that person.
How do the others feel bout it...I mean if there are others without kids?
but anyway...
If its one guy with all the kids...fire that guy
.Seriously though,
Let's be honest... It doesnt matter how politely or nicely you say it, people do not like being told that their kids are misbehaving/bad/naughty/stupid...etc
once your feelings come out, its pretty much the beginning of the end of your relationship with that person.
How do the others feel bout it...I mean if there are others without kids?
It's 3 guys that I'm in the band with and all have kids! One has a teenager who's no problem but the young ones clearly are. I feel like it's time to go if it doesn't change, but the fact that it's so hard to find a new band round here makes it hard to leave. I don't want to be bandless 
Given the fact that another of the guys wants to bring kids along I'd try a slightly different angle.
Try something like "Guys I really enjoy playing with you, it's going really well and I think it would be great if we could start gigging at some point in the near future".
If they're not too keen on this then they clearly view it as just a bit of fun and it might be quite hard to convince them the kids shouldn't be there. If they agree then try bringing up this issue again and stating that it will be nearly impossible to push on and be ready for gigs. If they disagree with this then they have no idea of what it takes to be at a gigging level and you'll never get anywhere with them.
It sucks but you sound like you want to improve, both as a band and personally as a bass player, but it's not going to happen in this environment.
Try something like "Guys I really enjoy playing with you, it's going really well and I think it would be great if we could start gigging at some point in the near future".
If they're not too keen on this then they clearly view it as just a bit of fun and it might be quite hard to convince them the kids shouldn't be there. If they agree then try bringing up this issue again and stating that it will be nearly impossible to push on and be ready for gigs. If they disagree with this then they have no idea of what it takes to be at a gigging level and you'll never get anywhere with them.
It sucks but you sound like you want to improve, both as a band and personally as a bass player, but it's not going to happen in this environment.
You know what? You sound like a nice guy, you sound reasonable, easy to get on with... and you have issue with something that is not a minor thing. It's a big thing when you get together for rehearsal and half the guys have to split focus and pay attention to the kids. They really can't find a babysitter, wife, mom, sister to watch the kid for two hours a week?
I don't mean to sound inconsiderate, my siblings have young kids, and you know what? When they have something to do? My parents, the in-laws, occasionally me - we watch the kids for them. And why do you have to worry about "risking being unpopular" when you have a valid issue that affects the experience for you??
I don't mean to sound inconsiderate, my siblings have young kids, and you know what? When they have something to do? My parents, the in-laws, occasionally me - we watch the kids for them. And why do you have to worry about "risking being unpopular" when you have a valid issue that affects the experience for you??
Out of the 4 guys in the band, one has responded to my message saying he hasn't got a problem with the kids running around and is considering bringing his own kids.
Another has responded to me directly saying he agrees with me and I was right to voice my opinion, but he wants to wait and see what everyone else says before he responds to my post.
The two guys with the young kids that were causing the problems last night haven't responded.
Man. I'm a reasonable person, with what to me seems like a reasonable request. I'm not telling them not to bring the kids, but I'm asking if it's possible that they are not in the middle of us all, bashing the cymbals, screaming into the mics and crashing into me when I'm trying to play!
I don't really understand people. This has really put me on a downer, as I was really enjoying playing music with these guys. But to all the people who have said I'm damned if I speak up and damned if I don't, you may be right. Shame though.
Another has responded to me directly saying he agrees with me and I was right to voice my opinion, but he wants to wait and see what everyone else says before he responds to my post.
The two guys with the young kids that were causing the problems last night haven't responded.
Man. I'm a reasonable person, with what to me seems like a reasonable request. I'm not telling them not to bring the kids, but I'm asking if it's possible that they are not in the middle of us all, bashing the cymbals, screaming into the mics and crashing into me when I'm trying to play!
I don't really understand people. This has really put me on a downer, as I was really enjoying playing music with these guys. But to all the people who have said I'm damned if I speak up and damned if I don't, you may be right. Shame though.
A response! from guitarist.
He's a really nice bloke - I wasn't sure how he would react to my message, but he's apologised that I felt uncomfortable with the kids running around, and explained that his kid got very bored very quickly last night and the novelty has worn off.
I'm very pleased that he seems to be understanding.
No response from singer yet though. I'll keep you posted!
He's a really nice bloke - I wasn't sure how he would react to my message, but he's apologised that I felt uncomfortable with the kids running around, and explained that his kid got very bored very quickly last night and the novelty has worn off.
I'm very pleased that he seems to be understanding.
No response from singer yet though. I'll keep you posted!
Why after 8 months did they start bringing their kids?
As for you becoming "unpopular", they sure dont seem to care what you think about the situation. how unpopular have they become with you?
alot of ppl on here have come up with lots of ideas (and they are good ones) on how to occupy the kids time/keep them from getting bored.
why/how is that YOUR responsibility?
and no gigs after 8 months? not even talking about gigs?
if you are really wanting to go and gig, you are probably with the wrong band. it sounds like your practice night is turning into their family night.
i apologize if i sound harsh. to me practice is sacred.
As for you becoming "unpopular", they sure dont seem to care what you think about the situation. how unpopular have they become with you?
alot of ppl on here have come up with lots of ideas (and they are good ones) on how to occupy the kids time/keep them from getting bored.
why/how is that YOUR responsibility?
and no gigs after 8 months? not even talking about gigs?
if you are really wanting to go and gig, you are probably with the wrong band. it sounds like your practice night is turning into their family night.
i apologize if i sound harsh. to me practice is sacred.
I dunno... the response that I had from the guitarist was great. He seems to be very understanding, which is great. Hopefully things will turn out fine, as he's acknowledged that his son was bored the other night. He probably won't be joining us again for a while.
About the gigs situation - I'm not worried about that, as it's not something I'm ready for at the moment. I've only been playing for a year, and I'm not very confident, so I'm happy jamming in a warehouse at the moment. Apart from the kids issue, we do have a lot of fun, and I've learned a great deal about what it's like to be in a band situation which is valuable of course.
I'm very glad I brought it up with them though. Definitely a good thing to do. And I really appreciate everyones advice here. Thank you
I'll still keep you posted, if no one minds
About the gigs situation - I'm not worried about that, as it's not something I'm ready for at the moment. I've only been playing for a year, and I'm not very confident, so I'm happy jamming in a warehouse at the moment. Apart from the kids issue, we do have a lot of fun, and I've learned a great deal about what it's like to be in a band situation which is valuable of course.
I'm very glad I brought it up with them though. Definitely a good thing to do. And I really appreciate everyones advice here. Thank you
I'll still keep you posted, if no one minds
Since you're not planning to gig or anything, let them come with the expectation that they will sit and watch TV in another room during practice time. Or Ambien + Kool-Aid
I do hope it works out for you. And please do keep us posted.
As far as gaining confidence in playing out: your never gonna get it if you dont go do it.
Rock on.
As far as gaining confidence in playing out: your never gonna get it if you dont go do it.
Rock on.
What have you got against guns? That's how we keep the others on the list away from rehearsals.
+1 Dad probably heard something like this:
"You're practicing with that stupid band again? Why? You don't even make any money with them! Well, you're not sticking me with the babysitting, I'm going out barhopping with my girlfriends. If you get to have fun, so do I. You can just take the kids with you." etc.
Been there.
Your dads need to take all the kids to one house and split the cost of a babysitter. If they won't, you need to get yourself out of Romper Room IMHO.
jive1
Commercial User
Dad probably heard something like this:
"You're practicing with that stupid band again? Why? You don't even make any money with them! Well, you're not sticking me with the babysitting, I'm going out barhopping with my girlfriends. If you get to have fun, so do I. You can just take the kids with you." etc.
Been there.
That's what I was thinking too.
butchblack
Life is short. Do good. Find and do what you love.
Tough call. You've done everything responsibly so far. Where the guitarist (with the young kids I assume) has acknowledged the problem I'd take a wait and see position to see if it gets better. Where this is a for fun only project expectations from spouses and family responsibilities may have more weight then if you were a working band. If it doesn't get better or gets worse ( second member with young kids ) you may have to leave. Where you've already stated your issue, threatening to leave could be construed as forcing the issue with bad feelings the result. As another person with no children and limited tolerance of bad behavior, I feel your pain. The secret to life is that life is learning how to make decisions. Unfortunately sometimes all the choices s**k.
To put it plainly, you don't seem to be getting much valuable 'study time' from this situation. Given the fact that you are a beginner (I'm assuming by your self assessment), you would probably get more benefit from practice (by yourself) than from rehearsal (in this chaotic situation). Ask yourself what it is that you want out of this. Do you want to be a better bassist and eventually end up in a great band? Or do you want to be friends with this chaotic bunch and waste more weeks trying to rehearse in a day care?
This won't be your last "band" situation. Sometimes you have to be ready to walk away. Besides, it sounds like you probably need practice not rehearsal.
