Keep us posted on how it goes, maybe we can find out if she likes (or dislikes) carpooling as much as the drummer after 2 1/2 hrs.
over at talkdrums?
funny, but, in reality its probably true over at drummerworld...
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Am I asking too much from the drummer?
- Thread starter Axtman
- Start date
funny, but, in reality its probably true over at drummerworld...
I encompassed 50% of the posts. It's a winner in my book.
BTW I am the king of generalizations.
Popular refrain: Fire that stupid bass player!.......Keep us posted on how it goes, maybe we can find out if she likes (or dislikes) carpooling as much as the drummer after 2 1/2 hrs.
funny, but, in reality its probably true over at drummerworld...
I only read one page on here and no one said it, maybe "maybe he doesn't like you all that much, but you might be a good musician". It is possible.
To me it sounds like you talk a lot about nothing....I do that. It is how I would think. I mean no disrespect, just saying because you bring up a lot of irrelevant info in this post and the update.
He is new and is deciding if he wants to stick around. Not to mention, when you have to wait for others, it can cause anxiety for the person that is put out. Your vehicle issues are obvious and he probably doesn't want to be depended on in that way. He doesn't want to be your "crutch". Has he seen your vehicle and heard it?
And I could be completely wrong.
To me it sounds like you talk a lot about nothing....I do that. It is how I would think. I mean no disrespect, just saying because you bring up a lot of irrelevant info in this post and the update.
He is new and is deciding if he wants to stick around. Not to mention, when you have to wait for others, it can cause anxiety for the person that is put out. Your vehicle issues are obvious and he probably doesn't want to be depended on in that way. He doesn't want to be your "crutch". Has he seen your vehicle and heard it?
And I could be completely wrong.
I'm surprised at most of the replies here. It is very odd to not carpool over such a distance.
I wouldn't want to be in a band with people who couldn't get on outside the bandroom. To me attitude and personality are the first things I look at when considering potential bandmates.
I wouldn't want to be in a band with people who couldn't get on outside the bandroom. To me attitude and personality are the first things I look at when considering potential bandmates.
You offered. He declined. Game over. No questions. No drama. Have a GREAT and FUN practice!
I used to have a 60 minute drive each way to work and carpooled each day with another employee who lived near me.
She was extremely annoying and talked constantly. She would carry on an entire conversation all by herself for most of the car ride. I hated it but put up with the annoyance for several years because it saved us both a lot of gas money.
At the time, my daughter and her husband were living with me and it was always noisy in my house. I need to have some private, quiet time fairly often and really valued the days when I drove alone.
She was extremely annoying and talked constantly. She would carry on an entire conversation all by herself for most of the car ride. I hated it but put up with the annoyance for several years because it saved us both a lot of gas money.
At the time, my daughter and her husband were living with me and it was always noisy in my house. I need to have some private, quiet time fairly often and really valued the days when I drove alone.
I actually offer to give some other bandmates/jam mates a lift out to rehearsal. I've never asked for fuel since I'm going that way anyway. Some have accepted, others not. People are people.
Don't force it on him. The reason he gave you might be the real one...or not. Anyway, he has no obligation to carpool if he doesn't want to...and he has no obligation to explain why he wants to drive alone...
To me too. But a bandmate trying to impose his "good idea" (e.g. carpooling) on me without respecting that I don't consider it such a good idea is not the kind of attitude which I would look favourably at when considering potential bandmates. The kind of attitute I look for is respect (for people's differences).
My understanding of many posts in this thread is that some people need certain amount of privacy in order to be able to get on INSIDE the bandroom...which is what matters the most...
Yes.
This... and even then don't expect it to happen every time.
Each band member is responsible for their own stuff .... from gear to getting where they need to be.
This... and even then don't expect it to happen every time.
Each band member is responsible for their own stuff .... from gear to getting where they need to be.
He could just want his alone time, or he could just not want to be bothered with the carpooling thing.
Theres a guys that lives maybe 3 minutes from my house that is always asking me to jam. Problem is he doesn't drive, and that means if we go somewhere to jam i have to pick him, load up his crap, and repeat that stuff on the way back. Simply not interested in all that...
Personality and attitude are the first things I look for too. Like the personality that stays out of jail, maintains reliable transportation and can afford the gas to drive it and doesn't place their burdens on their friends and band members.
But personally, if I have to drive more than 30 minutes one way every week I'd probably tire of it pretty quickly. Sharing a ride if possible for a gig an hour or hours away is something else. But when forming my band one of the stipulations was reliable transportation. I didn't buy a vehicle to be somebody else's taxi and frankly, I've given more rides than I've ever been offered, rarely compensated for it.. if a person can't handle getting themself to and fro the one day a week we regularly get together then they probably aren't the kind of person I'd want to be in long term relationship like a band with. Sounds too needy.
well thats different. screw that i'd rather be by myself than be stuck in a car for 3hours with someone i didnt know very well. spare me. especially if was my dorky ex-drummer, who was an opinnionated know it all. no thanks.pass
I would agree but sometimes it aint that way... especially at first.
I have been in plenty of bands where I had the only truck and that put me at the mercy of the other musicians. Even if I was on time, they would make me late because they were never ready. But in every other band, even if I was no longer in the band, if asked, I would help a band member out if they needed it.
Some people require assistance from others no matter what situation they are in. They ALWAYS need a hand out or help or gas money or SOMETHING. Every person I know that is like that has always been a musician. I never understood it. I know lots of people from different walks of life but musicians were always the neediest. Thats my personal experience. It may not be yours.
There are a lot of jobs that require spending most of the time alone, truck drivers and some trades etc. A lot of folks in those jobs are highly extroverted and it drives them crazy to not have someone to chat with all day. So when they do come in contact with you as part of their job they just. Won't. Shut. Up.
OP seems like a really sociable dude. Seems like a guy who'd fill 3 solid hours of car time with chatter, whether or not the rest of the car was into it. Unless the drummer is a similar kind of dude, that's three hours of Scott's Tots level awkward every week.
No thanks.
OP seems like a really sociable dude. Seems like a guy who'd fill 3 solid hours of car time with chatter, whether or not the rest of the car was into it. Unless the drummer is a similar kind of dude, that's three hours of Scott's Tots level awkward every week.
No thanks.
