Am I strange?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by rodv66, Jul 6, 2022.


  1. rodv66

    rodv66 Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    NJ
    About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

    I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

    My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

    Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?
     
  2. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    This is a bridge too far.

    "I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him."

    Either...

    1) ....you have lots of friends, so you can spare one over something like this. Or....

    2) ....being your friend requires putting up with potential breakups..... a lot.

    Seriously, you should have calmed down before you reacted. Talk it out. Be a grownup.

    I'm not saying what he did was OK. I'm saying that what you said wasn't OK either. You're no more "right" than he is.
     
  3. Al Rivera

    Al Rivera

    Mar 20, 2021
    I was in 4 different bands last winter,one let me go in a similar way. I try not to take it personally and burn any bridges. I consider myself as a free agent,similar to baseball player.....so you kinda handled it poorly In my opinion.
     
  4. Torrente Cro

    Torrente Cro

    Sep 5, 2013
    Croatia
    No, that wasn't nice from them.

    For me, it would depend on the way it was executed.
    If your friend started conversation with big sorry and apology, it would be fine.
    If he just announced you that you're out of the band, I would be pissed too.
     
  5. rodv66

    rodv66 Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    NJ

    That's the thing, he acted like there was nothing wrong or unprofessional about it. As I said, it was a permanent replacement position and I accepted it based on that. If that wasn't the case, then it should have been made clear in the first place. I drove an hour back and forth for 6 weeks and spent my time learning the material note for note. My time is valuable and wasting my time is the worst insult. I can make money back, I can't get time back
     
  6. J_Bass

    J_Bass Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2008
    Porto, Portugal
    I would do the same.

    I cut ties with my best friend of 20 years because of something he did to me at work. I haven't talked to him for more than 5 years.

    One thing is to do the wrong thing.

    That's bad, but forgivable.

    Another completely different thing is to not apologize and (in my situation) even saying that I was being selfish and self-absorbed. That tells me a lot about someone.
    So I told him to F off.
     
  7. rodv66

    rodv66 Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    NJ
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  8. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    probably not!

    the "professional" thing works best if everyone is workin' it --- sounds like you lost your cool and burnt a bridge when it was unnecessary and not in your own best interest! ;)


    Am I strange?
    your version of "friend" is intriguing. i voted "somewhat." good luck with your friends, your bands, and your music! :thumbsup:
     
  9. bholder

    bholder Affable Sociopath Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Sep 2, 2001
    Vestal, NY
    Received a gift from Sire* (see sig)
    Uncool on their part. Huge and unprofessional overreaction on your part.
     
    richntiff, fhm555, waveman and 15 others like this.
  10. Plucky The Bassist

    Plucky The Bassist ZOMG! I'm back from the dead! Supporting Member

    Jul 30, 2010
    Tejas
    I had the same thing happen to me, but it wasn't a friend, just an audition that I nailed and the old sub suddenly got freed up and they went with him. I get the feeling your friend wasn't as courteous or apologetic as the guy I dealt with was.

    I wouldn't have even given it the effort of getting riled up. If this is a repeat situation with this person, then it sounds like they aren't that great of a friend and you aren't missing much by splitting. Dunno how often you guys see each other or interact, but these days it's pretty easy to just get too busy and ghost people. I'd call it a wash either way...you burnt a bridge, but it sounds like you didn't want to use that bridge anymore regardless.
     
    Tony Bassplayer and DJ Bebop like this.
  11. kevindahl

    kevindahl

    Aug 21, 2006
    I'll repeat what others have said. Very unprofessional of them to do that to you. However responding with don't ever speak to me again is an over reaction. As I get older I find taking the high road is much better for me mentally. You never know how your reaction will effect you in the future. It's not a life or death situation. You can always be nice and say thanks for the opportunity and if the situation arises that you have another shot you can take it or decline.
     
  12. Bonafide

    Bonafide The Adventures Of Fusion Chicken Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 15, 2002
    Central TX
    I 100% relate. I know on first glance it seems like an over-reaction, but in truth the 'friend' did not have respect for the time you put in. That's all you are arguing here, basic respect for time you will never get back. Without genuine sympathy or understanding, the fuse is going to be short.

    I would have felt and responded exactly the same, I just would not have had to vocalize it. In the future when I was asked if I was available, I would not have been. In my opinion, your friend burnt the bridge, you just threw gas on it. All in all...rinse, repeat, learn or not. It's just life. Sorry it happened to you.
     
  13. You gave them plenty of rope.
     
    Tony Bassplayer and sean_on_bass like this.
  14. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2020
    Austin, TX
    You might be strange. Nothing wrong with that.

    But I'd be pretty crabby. I might not cut them off permanently but I would definitely be a little triggered. Wait around for that bass player to quit because it is inevitable. You don't quit a band and "remember" you didn't want to quit. So chances are they'll need a bass player for real before long. If you were friends you could laugh about it with them.
     
    RustfeatherBass likes this.
  15. LBS-bass

    LBS-bass

    Nov 22, 2017
    Impaired
    It wasn't a great thing to do to you. And you don't know the full story.

    There may be other reasons they wanted the original player back. Maybe they weren't all that happy with your playing.

    The problem is, sometimes there's no great solution that makes everyone happy when something like this happens. So, it sucks that they did this. But if it happened to me, I would just take my lumps and make a mental note not to deal with those people again. Don't add a lot of drama. Do move on.
     
  16. rodv66

    rodv66 Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    NJ
    Strange thing is he was really eager to have me join and the total indifference to my point is what made me cut him off. The guitarist in my original band has a reputation for being a dick because he expects people to show up, know the songs and be dependable. Gone through lot of people in the band but I have no issues with him because he's trying to make something of this. Of course we have a deal and maybe it's because he's such a ball buster.

    I don't look at this as fun, I'm dead serious about what I do and the time I put into it. I have no time for those that are not as serious as I am.
     
  17. rodv66

    rodv66 Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    NJ
    That is exactly the way he told me and that's the part that burns me
     
    Torrente Cro likes this.
  18. Lobster11

    Lobster11 Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Apr 22, 2006
    Williamsburg, VA
    I'm not sure that your definition of "friend" is the same as mine.
     
  19. Goatrope

    Goatrope

    Nov 18, 2011
    Sarasota Florida
    No, i don’t think you’re strange for feeling the way you described. It was a waste of your time and effort, and shows how little that effort meant to the folks who decided it was OK to bounce you.

    I would be pissed too. I probably wouldn’t still be as pissed after I got to vent at my friends. I’d take a lesson from it and I’m off to the next opportunity that much more careful about becoming emotionally invested.
     
    rodv66 likes this.
  20. You're not crazy. If that's how it went down, and there are no other mitigating factors, I'd be pissed too.
     
    Dust2Dust, BlueTalon and rodv66 like this.

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