Am I strange?

[bassfran]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

Nope. I had this near-same scenario happen to me once, too. The difference was I had done over a dozen paying gigs with the band.
I was fairly p.o.'d because at the time I was earning most of my income playing music and had at least a month's more work left in the season.

Weirder still, I had 3 different sound people sidle up to me after shows to go out of their way to tell me, "You're a lot better than their old bass player."

 

[Jimmy4string]

People are strange. When you're a stranger.
Might is well go all out and show up to their next rehearsal in a gorilla suit like an extra from the banana splits and say that you are ready to play!

 

[rodv66]

People are strange. When you're a stranger.
Might is well go all out and show up to their next rehearsal in a gorilla suit like an extra from the banana splits and say that you are ready to play!
View attachment 4741673

Tra la la, la la la la. Tra la la, la la la la......

 

[etoncrow]

Without going into detail I cut loose two long time friends over a similar situation 25 years ago. Didn't want them after betrayal; never missed them.

 

[Lobster11]

I feel like I should expand on my (glib) previous comment that "I'm not sure that your definition of "friend" is the same as mine."

I tried to imagine myself in the same situation, in which I had been invited to join (permanently) a "friend's" band, but then the original bass player wanted the job back. I would expect my "friend" to call me up, or invite me to meet somewhere for a beer, at which time I would expect him to say something like, "Man, I've got a dilemma. Shortly after I offered you the gig, the original bass player decided that he wanted back in, and now I don't know what to do." I'd expect him to continue by explaining, and trying to persuade me, why he thought giving the job back to the other guy was the right decision, and I'd expect him to be very apologetic about it. So to me it's not just about the decision he made to take the job back from you, but rather the not-a-friend-like way in which he did it.

 

[Phaidrus]

All is fair in love and war, the saying goes.

 

[swink]

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

I assume you are rehiring your friend as a friend after you leave him permanently.
Friends should be friends....

 

[Oddly]

You're definitely not strange.
You sound very understandably upset, both with the replacement, the waste of your time, and, as @Lobster11 said, especially with how this so-called friend handled it.
I doubt I'd react any better.
Sure, you probably should have reacted more calmly and professionally, but, hey, we're all human, and sometimes emotions need expressing. I'd rather let out an honest outburst of feeling than keep it in, festering.

 

[FunkHead]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

Instead of burning down the bridge, Just say something like "thanks for the opportunity. I'll keep woodshedding and when you need me, I'll be here and even better than before."

Just chill out and go to the the woodshed. I don't mean that in a bad way but that kind of crap always makes me want to woodshed and get better. Get so good that someone would have to be insane to fire you.

 

[rodv66]

I after reading and reflecting, I don't regret what I told them and I am taking it as a lesson. I'm thinking joining a friend's band can be an issue because they might pull things on you that they wouldn't do to a stranger. I'm sure he though that being friends would automatically smooth things over, and I had the opposite reaction

 

[thenazz]

It wasn't a great thing to do to you. And you don't know the full story.

There may be other reasons they wanted the original player back. Maybe they weren't all that happy with your playing.

The problem is, sometimes there's no great solution that makes everyone happy when something like this happens. So, it sucks that they did this. But if it happened to me, I would just take my lumps and make a mental note not to deal with those people again. Don't add a lot of drama. Do move on.

It could be all about THE CHEMISTRY, I've booted an adequate player in order to get our original guy back. The band was light years better with him because of the magic that happened anytime we played. Life's not fair and you're not guaranteed a gig.

 

[Jimmy4string]

@rodv66
Now we can concentrate on our banana Splits punk rock cover band!
3 sets of the Tra la la song!!!

 

[BadSanta1281]

I'd be mad, but...

I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

...makes me think you weren't real friends in the first place.

 

[gidbass]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

The " I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him." seems harsh, however, now that I've thought about it, i probably would have done/said something similar. I don't want to waste time on people/friends that are flakes. Best just to cut ties altogether IMHO.

Good Luck!

 

[crazyBassClown]

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

You agreed to the rehearsals and learning the songs for free. I assume there was no contract verbal or written for how many gigs you were actually signed on for?
If you expect professional you really should make it professional with contracts so there is no confusion.
What they did was still a douche move but i really don't think they are treating it the way you want to.
Contracts make expectations clear.

You don't quit a band and "remember" you didn't want to quit. So chances are they'll need a bass player for real before long.

/\ this.
Or the old BP just doesn't like rehearsing much and when gigs were coming up again rejoined...

If you agree to fill in for rehearsals again for free is it them or you who is unprofessional?

 

[Lobster11]

I after reading and reflecting, I don't regret what I told them and I am taking it as a lesson. I'm thinking joining a friend's band can be an issue because they might pull things on you that they wouldn't do to a stranger. I'm sure he though that being friends would automatically smooth things over, and I had the opposite reaction

In that case I take back my statement that "your definition of 'friend' is different from mine." Your definition is the same as mine -- it's his definition that's different.

 

[E Joe]

All of the bands that I work with are explicitly entertainment businesses and they do similar things often. So I’m not sure if I agree that it’s exactly unprofessional for this line of work. It still sucks though…

They often give no reason at all for not having you on a gig or going with another player. It’s really important IMO not to get upset as they may hire you again for a different project or event if you don’t burn that bridge.

I kinda have to take this attitude or I can’t pay my rent, but if you have other income sources you can just play with bands and people you want to play.

 

[jimmydean]

The guy was an A-Hole for not thinking it would not bother you .What you/he should have said was how about splitting the gig between you two . Either way your friend is a A-Hole for doing it .

 

[Keyser Soze]

It could be all about THE CHEMISTRY....

I think this prolly nails it. No matter how good a player you are and that you're friends w/ the guy; it sounds like the band "feels" the other bass player more than they "feel" you. Nothin' you can do about that.

That being said, he handled the situation with you poorly and you have every right to be pissed about that.

 

[GretschWretch]

I had answered an ad (from the newspaper classifieds, mind you, to let you know how long ago this happened) looking for a bass player and passed the audition. So I'm in. A couple of weeks later I get a call from the BL to the extent that a guy helping him remodel his house was also a bass player and was upset he had not been asked to audition. So HE got the gig. I said okay, no hard feelings. And two weeks after that the BL called me back to say the other guy was out -- he could not even remember simple parts the lead player showed him at rehearsal-- so I was back in if I wanted to be. If I had burned bridges from being bumped out I probably would not have been extended the re-invitation.

And that was a GOOD band, so good that we had barely got our set list together when we landed a gig as the weekend house band at a local bar/grill. So good we had to give that gig up after a few weeks because playing every Friday and Saturday night left us too tired to get together to expand our repertoire.