Am I strange?

[kentiki]

Anyone that has that little respect for you, was never your friend. Move on with higher caliber people.

 

[2112]

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

You do realize you were dealing with musicians, right?

 

[kentiki]

Instead of burning down the bridge, Just say something like "thanks for the opportunity. I'll keep woodshedding and when you need me, I'll be here and even better than before."

Just chill out and go to the the woodshed. I don't mean that in a bad way but that kind of crap always makes me want to woodshed and get better. Get so good that someone would have to be insane to fire you.

... and when you need me. Puh-leeze!!! Have some self respect.

 

[bassbully]

I feel you and agree with how you acted.

My story-
A longtime friend and I played in a band for 5 yrs then it broke up. It was completely agreed on to part ways no hard feelings.
We went our own ways vowing we would play again someday. That day came when his bass player in his new project kept flaking practice and dropped out. He called me to come aboard and I jammed the songs down my throat to keep the gigs flowing.
A year latter after all this work and the band sounding great he and the band sent me a text out of nowhere, no warning at all telling me the “asshat” bass player wanted back in the band.
The drummer being his friend talked my so called friend into bringing him back. I was beyond pissed and told him he did me wrong which he agreed but stuck with me getting the boot.
I told him to forget we ever knew each other. This was 5 yrs ago and I have no interest in ever speaking or seeing him or his bandmates again.
You did the right thing crappy people need to get flushed.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

Not strange, but a little more like an "over the top" reactive sort.

I want to remind you that bands, as opposed to the players, come and go. There may have been a time in life where it would be good to work with these guys, or even some of the members of this band again. After 50 some years of being in bands as well as working in banking ( another industry where the players come and go at the drop of a hat), you never know who you are going to be be working with in the future.

If it were me, I'd be on the phone and apologize for the outburst.

 

[fishdude101101]

I had answered an ad (from the newspaper classifieds, mind you, to let you know how long ago this happened) looking for a bass player and passed the audition. So I'm in. A couple of weeks later I get a call from the BL to the extent that a guy helping him remodel his house was also a bass player and was upset he had not been asked to audition. So HE got the gig. I said okay, no hard feelings. And two weeks after that the BL called me back to say the other guy was out -- he could not even remember simple parts the lead player showed him at rehearsal-- so I was back in if I wanted to be. If I had burned bridges from being bumped out I probably would not have been extended the re-invitation.

And that was a GOOD band, so good that we had barely got our set list together when we landed a gig as the weekend house band at a local bar/grill. So good we had to give that gig up after a few weeks because playing every Friday and Saturday night left us too tired to get together to expand our repertoire.

Fair enough, but I would have declined the offer. I'd not want to be part of something with some like that, where people go back on their word.

Just recently we hired 2 new employees at my day job. The 2nd hire was the best available at the time, but after we had offered him the job, the perfect candidate I applied (someone who I know does great work and is easy to work with.) but we kept the offer to the original hire.

 

[rylie]

 

[crazyBassClown]

when I told the bandleader I couldn't tour without compensation, she immediately put an ad out on Craigslist.

Assuming a tour was booked, and it was not going to be profitable, what else would you expect to happen?
Where you being compensated for your time prior?

 

[DJ Bebop]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

I had that happen to me and I handled it much like you did.

I regretted it right after I did it. Not because of any missed opportunities or burnt bridges with those guys but because it was a eye opener on how I handle situations at that time and this one in particular and it made me look more into myself.

The best thing to do in my case, was to just acknowledge it and go with it, not share my anger with them, and move .

Those guys were still jerks but had I handled it better, I would have come away with more respect and dignity for myself

 

[JeezyMcNuggles]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

You're in 2 other bands. Or so you say, at least. That seems like a big relief to me.

If I was your friend, I wouldn't want you around anymore because of your reaction over something so petty like a once a month gig.

And yes, they should have waited until after the upcoming show to give the other guy his spot back. But, it didn't work out like that. The other members out voted your buddy.

 

[BazzaBass]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

The answer depends on how old you are.

 

[JEDI BASS]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

Totally wrong of them to do you that way! Did you over react? It depends on what the "friend" said when he got mad at you.

I've had very long-time friends say stuff about and to me that showed me that they never truly knew me and/or harbored resentment or jealousy toward me the whole time. And, they also showed what kind of person that they had kept hidden for years. The latest was a friend of over 30 years that was a mentor to me when I was young. I thought we had mutual respect for each other. But, he mistook a joke social media post to be me bragging and acting like a bad@$$! I make fun of myself more than anybody I know, cause I love to laugh and that's just me. So, why he thought this... I'll never know. Anyways, he said some truly horrible things that left me with my mouth hanging open. My other friends laughed at my post knowing it was a joke. He also attacked another friend that he had never met, in his comments. I called him, asked why he was doing that. He said something like I was being a jerk or something. I reminded him that we'd been friends the majority of our lives, and that he was in the wrong. He texted months later asking if I was still mad. I planned to extend the olive branch and give him a call. But then, he left a voice message when I couldn't answer my phone. His tone was condescending... something like "well, looks like you're still mad" instead of "sorry" or "let's talk about it". So.. good riddance!

 

[Polfuste]

I feel like I should expand on my (glib) previous comment that "I'm not sure that your definition of "friend" is the same as mine."

I tried to imagine myself in the same situation, in which I had been invited to join (permanently) a "friend's" band, but then the original bass player wanted the job back. I would expect my "friend" to call me up, or invite me to meet somewhere for a beer, at which time I would expect him to say something like, "Man, I've got a dilemma. Shortly after I offered you the gig, the original bass player decided that he wanted back in, and now I don't know what to do." I'd expect him to continue by explaining, and trying to persuade me, why he thought giving the job back to the other guy was the right decision, and I'd expect him to be very apologetic about it. So to me it's not just about the decision he made to take the job back from you, but rather the not-a-friend-like way in which he did it.

That. Plus offer you to play at least one gig (or several, to negociate) before the old player come back to valuate your time.
By doing this, they could have interested you staying an eventual sub for the band. And your friend stay your friend.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Assuming a tour was booked, and it was not going to be profitable, what else would you expect to happen?
Where you being compensated for your time prior?

I wasn't being compensated. I was told at the start though that we would be playing my music too, as well as collaborating... and that wasn't happening. Agreed to one short tour, it went well, and then was told she wanted to start doing that once a month.

I completely understand her wanting/needing to do that.

That was a HUGE part of my learning experience. I was pissed, but I had been an idiot in many respects. I did many things in that band I never did and never will do again.

As I said - I learned lots.

 

[Andy Marshman]

I'm easy to get along with and let a lot of things just ... go. But, as the OP described it, I'd have done exactly the same. Life is short. Don't stab me in the back.

 

[Zooberwerx]

Just be glad you got out when you did as it will save a lot of grief. They / he set the tone and is probably representative of their behavior past / present / future.

Riis

 

[Alexis Duntov]

About a month ago, I joined my friend's band. I'm in two others, but this one is a once a month gig tribute, so fit in. I got the gig and learned the set. Practiced and everything is cool. Last night, my friend called to say the old bass player wanted back in and they decided to because he was there before me.

I got really pissed and told him that it's really unprofessional and I wasted time, gas, and effort learning the set and going to practice. I said that's like someone quitting a job, the company replacing them and then went the person wants their old job back, your give it to them.

My friend has no comprehension of what I s saying and got mad at me for being upset at what they did. I told him never speak to me again and I want nothing to do with him.

Now, am I crazy for actually treating a band like a business and expect my friends to be professionals? Any perspectives?

For what it’s worth, the time you spent learning and playing the tunes “note for note” is not wasted. It’s money in the bank as far as time on the instrument. Even if the songs aren’t that interesting to you, you took the time to figure out how to play them, best ergonomics, etc. That’s valuable.

 

[Groove Doctor]

You dodged a bullet.

Then you gave him two bullets to the head.

 

[rtslinger]

Hard lesson to learn but very important never ever burn your bridges. My response as a professional
word have been, "Okay I understand, but if you need a back up I'm here since I already have your material down
you have my number". Done he knows if this guy flakes out on them again which he most likely will given the history, you're on your friends speed dial. Now you have lost two things a friend and any chance of ever getting any gig not even a fill in.
But that is your decision.

 

[hrodbert696]

I agree that it was unprofessional of them and that you're not strange for being mad at them.

I also agree that, unless there's other stuff going on in this relationship, telling them to "never" speak to you again and you want "nothing" to do with them is pretty draconian. Your friend thoughtlessly wasted your time. OK. Is there really so little positive in this friendship that it's worth burning bridges with him entirely over this? "Never" is pretty absolute. Or maybe it's like @Lobster11 said, that you don't really mean "friend" in this context the way others would use that word, it's just an "acquaintance."

If this person really is a friend, then it's possible to say something like, "Hey man, you're my buddy, but please don't ask me to play in a band with you again. You can get flaky sometimes and I really need people I'm in music projects with to be committed. It just puts strain on our friendship I don't want to deal with." And if he's enough of a friend to be able to take straight talk from you, he'll get it. I also wouldn't necessarily insist that he has to have gotten it in the first conversation you had. Sometimes people are oblivious to others' perspectives until they get some time to mull it over.