burned a bridge? that's not a bridge i would want to walk across again. 6 weeks of driving an hour for rehearsals and learning a note for note tribute. i would be furious and would never work with them in any capacity. if they would string you along once for that they will do it twice. wise up talk bass
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Am I strange?
- Thread starter rodv66
- Start date
I'd be upset in the same situation. I think the band's decision was unprofessional. I also think your response was a bit over the top as well. If this is a friend, I think "never speak to me again" was a bit extreme. I'd surely never trust him on any type of business deal again, and yes, bands are a business. I'd also not be willing to work with that band or him on any other project again. There may be some dynamics we are missing. Is it possible your friend didn't want to take your spot away and was outvoted? If so, because he knows and recruited you, he got the crappy job of firing you.
It sounds like you were more angry at your friend's inability to understand your position. If you value his friendship it might be worth a conversation over a coffee or a beer when neither one of you are emotional about this.
It sounds like you were more angry at your friend's inability to understand your position. If you value his friendship it might be worth a conversation over a coffee or a beer when neither one of you are emotional about this.
I think you're justified for being pissed, and for letting him know that you're pissed. Personally I wouldn't have told him to never talk to me again because friends sometimes do inconsiderate/stupid things, and given time wounds can heal.
Depends on the relationship, if the guy allowed them to take the old player back because he doesn't respect you, then Adios!
I don't have time for people that can't respect me, but if I'm being honest that means I have no friends, because so far none of them have.
I used to have friends, but these days people just want to use you.
That's helpful if it's a two way street, but: Hey I'm moving this weekend, anyone want to... crickets!
I don't have time for people that can't respect me, but if I'm being honest that means I have no friends, because so far none of them have.
I used to have friends, but these days people just want to use you.
That's helpful if it's a two way street, but: Hey I'm moving this weekend, anyone want to... crickets!
There is no way i would ever tell them when you need me unless i planned on bailing the last second to screw them over.
As much as it kind of sucks, when you are in a band your position is always tentative. Apparently this group didn't really form much loyalty to you as the bass player and made the decision to go with someone else. Technically the fact that it's the old guy is kind of irrelevant. Again, i get that it sucks, but there is really nothing you can control here and best to accept it, look for a silver lining, and move on.
Your response is in no way how any business or representative thereof deals with, well, anything.
My day job requires months of prep, time, and money for contracts that we do not always get. If we told those offerors to never speak to us again, we'd have been out of business 30 years ago.
I have spent, cumulatively, years of my life learning songs that never saw a stage. Do I flip out and tell those musicians that we shan't work together ever again? Of course not. I'd have run out of people willing to hire me in this town decades ago if I dealt with things in that manner.
You say "thank you for the opportunity, give me a call if something else comes up" and THAT attitude will get you calls. All the time. More work than you want or can handle. THAT is being a professional.
ETA: I have never seen a thread more effective at separating players who work music for a living from players who very obviously do not.
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yes but you get paid for your day job even if you lose a contract. learning some songs that never get played is part of the game, but learning an entire tribute act note for note with an hour drive when you are permanent member? that is a TON of work with zero return.
my day job is the same, we bid on jobs, some we get some we don't and that's fine. but if someone screws you over monetarily you don't work with them again. we have plenty of clients we have told we are not working with you anymore. it would be silly to work with someone multiple times when you know they will screw you if they can get away with it.
The issue is that I was not bidding for a contract or even a just let's see how it goes situation. The band asked me if I wanted to join and I agreed to. That's a big difference. You don't bring someone on board and then can them because the old guy had second thoughts.
- Apr 20, 2009
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This. I'll go out of my way to never burn a bridge (unless it absolutely needs burning). My first 'real' job out of high school was as a service technician at a construction equipment company. Honestly, it sucked. It was outdoors, it was lava hot / doing PMs on equipment on asphalt all day long / loading and unloading semi trucks / scaffolding / etc. After about 5 years, I was completely done. I was burnt out. The old owner was a pain, and I wanted, with every fiber of my being, to throw them a middle finger. But, I didn't.
I finally found a job in the automotive IT/tech sector three months before the market tanked in 2008. It was a decent job, but I took a 15-20% paycut to start at an introductory salary there. At that place, you started at a low salary, then often got a 20-40% raise once they had a good grasp of your skillset. Unfortunately, wage freezes hit and I got locked in the crap introductory salary.
After two years of being generally miserable in that white collar job, I stopped in the old construction place to rent some tools for some renovation work I was doing. The old owner had stepped down, his son took over, and things were way different. I asked my old boss, 'Hey man, this new place is killing me... any chance y'all would consider bringing me back?' He rehired me on the spot. I worked as a service tech for about six months, then became parts manager, then became the purchasing manager, a new position created once we got large enough the owner couldn't do it anymore... and none of that would have happened, had I burned that bridge on my way out the door.
So Anyway, I've been fired in the same manner. Previous Bass Player had 'quitters remorse' and wanted back, so they bounced me even though I'd been gigging with them for several months. They weren't my close friends, and the previous guy had history with them that I didn't. I thanked them for their time and moved on. Later on, they called me to sub and I picked up some casual gigs with them. Eventually their guy quit again and they asked me to join (again). I told them I was more comfortable being their sub and recommended some of my friends.
I don't think you're crazy or strange. Feeling betrayed by a friend, relative or loved one can be very traumatic. But I would suggest you make amends with your former friend when the opportunity comes around. You were his friend for a reason. Maybe your friendship won't be on the same level as before, but at least you can still stay connected. And it'll the step forward that shows being in their band wasn't that big of a deal to you. You've got other music & bands to keep you occupied.
Life's short, don't hold a grudge. Good Luck!
I don't think you're crazy or strange. Feeling betrayed by a friend, relative or loved one can be very traumatic. But I would suggest you make amends with your former friend when the opportunity comes around. You were his friend for a reason. Maybe your friendship won't be on the same level as before, but at least you can still stay connected. And it'll the step forward that shows being in their band wasn't that big of a deal to you. You've got other music & bands to keep you occupied.
Life's short, don't hold a grudge. Good Luck!
Absolutely not true for many of us. Most of the people I work with are commission only salespeople who get asked to research bids and put hours of work in and only get paid if they actually get an order.
I think the tipping point was the OP's friend had no idea he was in the wrong. To me, that's not someone worth knowing. If you have no moral compass to know right from wrong, then off with you... I'm guessing if he'd known otherwise, the OP wouldn't have said that to him.
Every salesman i know gets a salary on top of commission. you are strictly commission? either way for your job to be worth it the other projects make up that difference and are probably factored in. there is no job where you work and get nothing and then you say please consider me for another position if something comes up. there is no return on any investment.
