Anyone ever have their child go to prison?

[hbarcat]

I once worked in an assisted living facility and got to know many of the residents. One woman, who was about 70 and usually happy and cheerful, suddenly became.depressed and withdrawn. She told me that her daughter, who was about 40 and was a public employee, had been charged with embezzling large amounts of money from the city and was being prosecuted.

The mother was completely distraught by the entire situation and for the two weeks of the trial she ate very little and spent most of her waking hours crying.

After her daughter was convicted and sentenced to a long prison term the mom deteriorated and was admitted to the hospital. She died a month later.

It was horrible for her. Almost certainly far worse for the parent than the child in this case.

Whatever happens to your child, please take care of yourselves.

 

[bolophonic]

@DWBass, I am really sad to hear that. I have no advice, but I'll be sending you some positive vibes from Norfolk this weekend.

 

[Munjibunga]

My teenage daughter and I used to watch "Cops" and "Lockup" from the time she was about three 'til now. I hope she got the gist of what crime does to one's life. She's away at college now, but I don't worry too much about problems involving police cars and ambulances.

For the OP, I'm with the ones who say support him to the extent you can, but don't hide your disappointment. I've always told my daughter, "I'll always love you, no matter what." And I mean it.

 

[DiabolusInMusic]

My teenage daughter and I used to watch "Cops" and "Lockup" from the time she was about three 'til now. I hope she got the gist of what crime does to one's life. She's away at college now, but I don't worry too much about problems involving police cars and ambulances.

For the OP, I'm with the ones who say support him to the extent you can, but don't hide your disappointment. I've always told my daughter, "I'll always love you, no matter what." And I mean it.

Two of my favoruite shows. Have you been turned on to "60 days in" yet? Normal people volunteer to go to jail for 60 days. It is fairly entertaining.

I don't have much to help you OP, I don't have kids. I just suggest keeping his commissary card stocked and, if it is a smoking jail, some cigarettes for trade.

 

[Bass Viking]

Have you been turned on to "60 days in" yet? Normal people volunteer to go to jail for 60 days. It is fairly entertaining.

I've seen the show and I just don't understand why someone would volunteer for that. It's degrading, dangerous, and time you never get back.

 

[Whippet]

Being supportive is always a good thing. But at the same time, the child needs to support the parents.

It is paramount that the child sees your point of view and is on the same wavelength. Without this the child will continue to be defiant and repeat the same mistakes. And one day the very worst you expected will come true.

Supporting each other through the ordeal is the way to save both parties.

 

[drumsnbass]

My son did something really bad while drug and alcohol induced and may face some serious time. My wife and I are devastated but trying to remain strong and optimistic! But we also have to be prepared for the worst!

Anyone else here in this position or been there/experienced this?

Justice is not blind. what happens in "the system" really depends upon the DA, AsstDA, and the judge.

If your kid is a first time offender, a good lawyer may be able to plead down or get probation, especially if he enters a treatment program. I would HIGHLY suggest that, as the wheels of justice turn slowly, if he is presently out he get his ass into a program now and start doing some volunteer community service before he stands in front of the judge. He'll need to positives, and letters from a treatment program and community service will help.

Hopefully this is at the state or local level, because at the Federal level things rarely go easy.

Good luck to you.

 

[DWBass]

Update: My son had all charges dropped!

 

[Whippet]

Excellent! I hate saying good luck to anyone. It's not luck. Just necessary steps that happen in life.

This is just another step. Just think, one year from now, you will look back at all this and see how far you and your son have come along. The future is now and you're living it. All you have to do is envision the best and it's all right in front of you. Doesn't cost anything. Just a little thought, a little wish. Best things in life are always free.

That said, instead of good luck, best wishes.

I forgot. Best things in life are always free, but second best things in life, like the Fodera and that Ferrari will cost you your pension plan.

 

[Jazz Ad]

This is awesome, let's hope he sees it as a signal to improve his behaviors, not as a bailout.

 

[10cc]

Update: My son had all charges dropped!

Awesome! Now you can get back to those sucky bands. Just kidding, maybe those bands won't seem so sucky with the load of your shoulders now. Back to retirement!

 

[Sav'nBass]

My son did something really bad while drug and alcohol induced and may face some serious time. My wife and I are devastated but trying to remain strong and optimistic! But we also have to be prepared for the worst!

Anyone else here in this position or been there/experienced this?

I appreciate the words of encouragement and prayers! It means a lot. This year has been a rough one for us. I also lost my job in June. I should be working soon (security protocol) but trying to pay for a lawyer is draining our resources. These dam retainers are good for one court session each (WTH)! Don't even know what it'll cost if the case goes to trial. Will have to go second mortgage on the house. Not to mention the sucky bands and musicians I get to play with! Man, I'm tired. 5 years away from retirement and 2016 happened! SMDH!

Again, I appreciate all the comments. My son is 22 so he's an adult and is being treated as such. So I can only do but so much! We will provide support and continue to fund a lawyer as best as we can. We're also hoping for dropped charges or a reduction in charges but we are being realistic and preparing for the worst. We'll see.

Update: My son had all charges dropped!

That is great news! I am surprised I missed this post. The past two and a half years have been the roughest of my adult life. My son who is now 19 was heading down a dark path... In Feb of 2015 I discovered my gun was missing.... Of course he said he didn't even know I had a gun. I had to report it.... and eventually after being grilled by detectives where he admitted taking the gun he was arrested and spent the first 6 weeks of his 18th birthday March 11th of 2015 in jail. That experience was horrible for us because initially we did not even know where he was and could not talk to him for the first week. Fortunately he was released on probation and the offense was reduced and because it happened when he was a juvenile as long as he kept his nose clean it would not even be on his record. We thought that he was on the right path. In August of 2015 hether young man did something far more serious and when he went to trial for that he was released on probation pending trial. The co defendant was not so lucky because he faced a more serious crime. He was on probation with drug testing and wound up failing/missing 6 tests and was rearrested in June of this year and has been in the county jail ever since. His trial was linked to the codefendant's trial and his (the codefendant's) trial was finally concluded on Thursday... He received 20 years suspended upon completion of a youthful offender program. My son's trial is on the 17th of November. I think that this time around he finally gets it and I doubt he will have any more serious brushes with the law. Hopefully he will be home for Thanksgiving. His sentence should not be as serious as his codefendant's.

It is a process that you cannot understand unless you go through it. 4 years ago my son was singing in the youth group at church... This has had a devastating effect on my marriage of 27 years.

 

[jthisdell]

My banjo player's son is in prison, has been very hard on him and his wife, who are now divorced.

 

[Immigrant]

Congrats to you for not having to endure your offspring serving serious time.

Yet.

I hope he can use the experience to better himself, and not look at it as getting away with something. Best of luck.

 

[SirMjac28]

yup, @DWBass
my oldest son did a couple years in prison after not learning his lesson in County. he was an ordinary kid selling weed to his friends. pretty soon he was pulling about $20k/month and i wasn't the wiser.
until he got popped!
during a short stay locally, the judge shipped him far, far away to do 2 years with the big dawgs. believe me,.. mentally our entire family was in prison, as well. i rejected close friends and wore a screwface until his release. i didn't realize how miserable i was until he came home. before he left, we talked a lot about having "hope" and not losing it.
upon his release i gave him a few months to breathe then pushed him back into the real world. he wanted to close everyone out thinking his arrest record would kill his chances at success. in less than 2 years he has started his own small business and enjoys being a model citizen.
last year he bought himself a very nice birthday gift with money he earned legitimately and i couldn't be prouder!
i feel you on these lawyer fee's and court cost. it's a game, imo. the more money you spend the less time your son will receive in most instances. the amount of weed and money that was seized allowed the court to sentence him to 4 years. we fired the first lawyer, thank God. the second lawyer was great and schooled the judge, forcing her to amend the sentence to just shrt of 2 years.
constant communication and adding cash to his books made for an easier stay, but the mental trauma is unavoidable, imo.
sending positive energy to you, your son, and family.
View attachment 940183
he still looks like a weed dealer, but walking dogs for rich people is quite lucrative. he does photography and web authoring on the side.
hang in there, Bro!

Congrats on your son's success and man is that Jeep sweet!!

 

[SirMjac28]

Again, I appreciate all the comments. My son is 22 so he's an adult and is being treated as such. So I can only do but so much! We will provide support and continue to fund a lawyer as best as we can. We're also hoping for dropped charges or a reduction in charges but we are being realistic and preparing for the worst. We'll see.

I'm praying for you and your family l think you're one of the best TB'ers around and the comments in this thread prove we really are a family we don't always agree with each other but we come together at the tight times.

 

[Johnny Crab]

Update: My son had all charges dropped!

Congrats and now you can breathe.
Our son is almost through the year-long ordeal of avoiding DUI charges(lawyer + plea bargain + probation + breathalyzer every 4 hours for 6 months + community service + a lot of $$$). The plea bargain ends up as an "obstruction of traffic" ticket and a fine on one's record. He now understands my avoidance of any alcohol use if I have to drive or go to work in the next 8 to 10 hours. He's already told me he never wants to go through that $hite again, ever.