I'd bounce. 4 years with no gigs? That's not a band IMO, that's a group of guys getting together to jam once a week...
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Band drama. Can I please have opinions?
- Thread starter Dave W
- Start date
I'll ignore the grammatic faux pas in his chiding statement [you're == you are]
...and offer that you should say something along the lines of: "My precious time, gas, commitment, organization and punctuality are no longer available to your group. Best of luck in your endeavors."- b
They are not being considerate or are not processing of all you are doing to be in the band. I would cancel on them the day of and see how they like it, just be like "I can't make it tonite" like an hour before practice.
Or just send an email of resignation.
Or just send an email of resignation.
I said something along those lines to him, he just went right back to the self centered argument because I'm just worrying about myself.
Even if this wasn't a "band", we're still friends, and it's just disrespect towards someone who you've called a good friend.
Totally agreed. I said that during our last band meeting. Everyone looked stunned like I was smoking crack with a baby. Guitarist 1 seemed to understand though, and backed me up a little. He's SUPER quiet and usually doesn't say anything to cause friction.
I'll ignore the grammatic faux pas in his chiding statement [you're == you are]
The grammar was totally my mistake
And that was pretty much the decision I made. I just can't do it any more. The issue I'm having is that I'll more than likely lose him as a friend over this for good, but he hasn't been a friend for a solid year now so I'm not sure that I'll really be missing much in the end.
No, you are not out of line. Some last minute cancellations and late arrivals would be more tolerable if the band was relatively more active and successful. Your long commute makes the situation even more frustrating. The drummer should be more appreciative and accommodating to your willingness to travel that far to rehearsals regularly.
I quit in a band in January 2011 for similar reasons: the singer cancelled three consecutive rehearsals at the last minute. I avoided making other plans in order to attend those rehearsals so I my tolerance threshold for BS had been surpassed.
The way I see it is you actually have a serious band and then you have this group of friends that get together. You're lucky to have the other group so maybe leave it up to the not so serious group to contact you for rehearsals a day before or something. If they/he can't give you common courtesy, let them practice w/o a bass player for a rehearsal or two and see how/if they change. No change = no bass player. Keep it simple and friendly but firm.
Next rehearsal, with everyone in attendance, I'd lay it on the line, sans emotion.
Just say you can't committ to a rehearsal, spend the time and gas money to get there and back, just to find rehearsal has been cancelled. This is why we have cell phones and e-mail. If people are going to cancel last minute and/or fail to inform you about cancellations, you can't justify being in the band. It's obviously an unfair situation. They need to adjust, or you need to resign.
Just say you can't committ to a rehearsal, spend the time and gas money to get there and back, just to find rehearsal has been cancelled. This is why we have cell phones and e-mail. If people are going to cancel last minute and/or fail to inform you about cancellations, you can't justify being in the band. It's obviously an unfair situation. They need to adjust, or you need to resign.
Go get your gear, and leave. Tell them you've got a sub-gig, recording sessions, or whatever, but get your **** out of there. Once your gear is safely in your possession, them let them know you're done with them.
When I was in LA, I was in a Band that practiced in Redondo Beach, and I lived in Studio City. And the keys player would pull this, sometimes calling my house after I left for the drive to practice.
The way I handled it:
In a friendly manner I said to the offender, "I understand you're pretty busy and have things come up at the last minute, so, to keep it simple, just let me know when you are on your way there, and I'll come."
That way, you throw it all back on him. If you are in NY when he calls then you can say, "oops, I'm way too far away to make the drive in time." Eventually, he'll get the message. Or not, but either way, it's now his problem to solve.
My two cents is that a band is a business, and you, as an employer, would not put up with this behavior if it was a business. Essentially, the guy is saying he will come to work when he doesn't have any other commitments..
The way I handled it:
In a friendly manner I said to the offender, "I understand you're pretty busy and have things come up at the last minute, so, to keep it simple, just let me know when you are on your way there, and I'll come."
That way, you throw it all back on him. If you are in NY when he calls then you can say, "oops, I'm way too far away to make the drive in time." Eventually, he'll get the message. Or not, but either way, it's now his problem to solve.
My two cents is that a band is a business, and you, as an employer, would not put up with this behavior if it was a business. Essentially, the guy is saying he will come to work when he doesn't have any other commitments..
- May 20, 2000
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kraigo said:
True that. You've shown you're the bigger person and that you 're a responsible band member. Who knows, the guitarist may feel similar and contact you about something new??
I think I may be like your guitarist 1: sometimes when there is an argument between bandmates I can clearly see who is right and who is being a jerk, but for a bunch of different reasons (me not paying for the rehearsal place being the one I most care about) I take the silent route.
If by this time they all know you are the one spending more commuting time and money and the situation doesn't change, chances are it will keep being that way for as along as you put up with it.
Having valuable gear in the drummer's house and not wanting to have friction with the rest of the band members, I'd say my work is becoming less flexible and more demanding and that I'd prefer leaving in good terms before becoming an unreliable member. It's the easy way out, but honesty comes at a price I may not always be able to afford, as witnessing some unbalanced people reactions has taught me.
Also, azureblue seems to have a wiser piece of advice.
Doubtful. We've all been friends for quite some time. Guitarist 1, the drummer, and myself all went to high school together. Guitarist 2 is just friends with the drummer...but we all knew each other from different friend circles.
When I first moved to NY (I lived in CT my whole life) I basically quit because I wasn't sure how I'd be able to do the commute. Nobody really gave a crap. Since I wasn't doing anything new, and I was able to figure out how to pull it off, I joined up again. I don't think I'd be interested anyways. They're both OK rhythm players, but that's it.
During the time off, our original lead guitarist left as well...so current guitarist 2 is the 3rd one. They auditioned a few bass players but were never able to find one that was decent or they liked. I think they found one guy that was good, but was wasn't interested in playing with them.
There has been a lot of drama throughout the "history" of this band.
Oh, that's happening ASAP no matter what. It'll probably have to wait until the next scheduled practice, but I'm going to see if he's around this weekend at all.
I don't particularly trust him right now, especially since I know what he's done with people's gear in the past.
I too believe it's time to move on. Just based off what you said attitudes are like, lack of communication, and just overall lack of a apparent work ethic I think it is safe to say the band would not really take off anyways. I can tell you are serious so find other guys who are just as serious about doing something and not those who apparently waste your time.
What I see here is total disrespect and regard for your time. I'd bail.
Every band I've ever been in has a regular practice once, twice or even three times a week that is written in stone. If someone has to cancel, depending on the excuse, that's understandable, but I take my music seriously. If they can't commit to regular practice, I sure as heck won't.
If you really like these guys, I would reverse the situation. Make it so they call you when they're available, and go on with your life. If you're not available when they decide to get together, too bad for them.
Maybe I'm old and cranky, but I'm SO done wasting my time with people who don't take it as seriously as I do... and I'm only semi-pro now.
Every band I've ever been in has a regular practice once, twice or even three times a week that is written in stone. If someone has to cancel, depending on the excuse, that's understandable, but I take my music seriously. If they can't commit to regular practice, I sure as heck won't.
If you really like these guys, I would reverse the situation. Make it so they call you when they're available, and go on with your life. If you're not available when they decide to get together, too bad for them.
Maybe I'm old and cranky, but I'm SO done wasting my time with people who don't take it as seriously as I do... and I'm only semi-pro now.
