Here's an interesting situation that came to a head yesterday, and has come up more than a few times in the past with my band.
Some background: I'm the type of person who is always early and does exactly what I say. My drummer has no concept of time (not musical timing, real time). He is always late, starts practice 30 minutes late religiously, etc.
I live in NY. The band is based in CT, 60 miles from my house going the direct way. I am lucky enough to have a flexible job and multiple offices I can work out of. I would prefer to come to Manhattan every day, but I will go to our CT office on band practice days so I can actually play. There is no way I'd make it otherwise. This office is 47 miles from my house, and the drummers house is another 25 miles from there, then back home is 60 miles.
Round trip for me, door to door: 132 miles. Cost: $20
I never find out if we're having practice or not until the day of, usually a few hours before. So I must commit to driving out of my way, possibly for nothing. We practice once a week, but it usually ends up 2-3 times a month as somebody always ends up cancelling. Usually the guitarists know well in advance when they can't make it, but the drummer is the only one that talks to all of us. We're all friends by association, I've never personally hung out with either of them outside of a band environment. He never contacts me directly either, I'm always the one that asks if we're having practice.
So yesterday, I send him a text asking if we're playing tonight. I've already driven to CT, packed up my equipment into the car, and I'm ready to play. This is 4 hours before we're supposed to get together.
Drummer: No, I don't think we're jamming tonight.
Me: Any reason why not?
Drummer: I promised someone I would give them a hand with something tonight.
Translation: I'm working on my friends car with him
Me: Is there any way cancellations can be talked about before the day of practice?
Drummer: Sorry it doesn't meet your standards, but I told you as soon as I found out my friend.
Me: A simple weekly email, text, or phone call between us is all I'm asking for, so people don't go out of their way for nothing.
Then he goes into calling me self centered for only caring about myself. It got pretty heated after that, because he's the most self centered person I know. All I want is a simple courtesy of him understanding that I don't want to waste time, money, wear and tear on my car, etc. My other bands all have emails chains about availabilities, and everyone understands that once a time is set, it's pretty much set in stone as we all have personal lives. Of course, if there is an emergency, by all means cancel practice...but this was not the case.
It came out that he made these important plans the same day as practice. Knowing that a friends of mine are coming over, and made a commitment, if I were in his shoes I would have told this friend asking for help that I was busy tonight...how about tomorrow?
Am I out of line here?
This isn't the first time, and it certainly won't be the last. I've pretty much made my decision on what I'm going to do, but I want to make sure I'm not being a total self centered jerk first.
...and offer that you should say something along the lines of: "My precious time, gas, commitment, organization and punctuality are no longer available to your group. Best of luck in your endeavors."
