If he can't handle organising rehearsals properly, what's he going to be like if you ever get to gigging? 
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Band drama. Can I please have opinions?
- Thread starter Dave W
- Start date
You're normal. When the drummer's other friend called asking for help with his car, drummer should have said "I have band practice at these hours, people are relying on me to be there, so I could help you out with your car either late at night after my practice, or tomorrow."
What he did shows that the drummer does not really care about these band practices that much. He's choosing to cancel / procrastinate rehearsals at the slightest opportunity.
Perhaps it's time to find other people to play with? People closer to where you live and who are more reliable?
The funniest part about this band: The drummer thinks we're writing an album and going to go on tour with it. Not that it's ever going to have a chance of happening, but I'm married, guitarist 2 is getting married, and nobody is going to commit to such a thing anyways.
We've been together for 6 years and have a total of 8 original songs. Now granted, these songs are like 10+ minutes long and there was some time off...so I'll say 4 years. But sh*t! That's an average of 1 song every 6 months.
He's delusional.
I'm pretty sure that both guitarists somewhat believe this (touring for an album) can be a reality, hence their reason to put up with such nonsense. They think this is a serious band
I've tried to explain it to them, but either this is exactly what they want to be doing (hanging out a few times a week to jam with friends) or they're completely delusional too.I'm with you. Not old and cranky
But done wasting my time.I consider myself semi-pro with the other band. We gig, it makes money.
The guys (the drummer at least) in the band this thread is about would laugh at me if I said that I was semi-pro although what I'm doing fits the definition perfectly.
That's exactly what i said to him and he said "You're being ignorant and have no idea what I'm talking about, hence being self centered about this..."
I'm pretty happy with my 2nd band right now and they're much closer, totally on the same page, and are all cool guys. I may find something else similar to them, as long as it can be fit in without taking away from each other.
All of the 2nd band members regularly play with other people, whether it be recording or gigging. Both Berkeley grads, and both work in music as full time jobs.
Working with them was really a big catalyst for seeing who poorly the other band works. I knew it all along, but it really put it into perspective.
jive1
Commercial User
Sounds like you guys have different goals. You want to gig, while the drummer wants to play band. It's obviously not a high priority for him, regardless of what he says. Since it's not a priority for him, he probably doesn't think it is a priority for others, so it's easy for him to cancel practices.
But you've had 4 years of rehearsals with these guys. A simple thing would be to say, "Hey these rehearsals are taking a toll, and without any gigs it's just not worth it. How about we just take a hiatus on practicing until we get some gigs lined up? " It's a very reasonable thing to ask, and if they don't have any gigs or working on a recording, I don't see why rehearsals need to be a priority for you.
But you've had 4 years of rehearsals with these guys. A simple thing would be to say, "Hey these rehearsals are taking a toll, and without any gigs it's just not worth it. How about we just take a hiatus on practicing until we get some gigs lined up? " It's a very reasonable thing to ask, and if they don't have any gigs or working on a recording, I don't see why rehearsals need to be a priority for you.
smartest, best looking, easiest to get along with, most talented, best smelling...
Well, we still need a singer! We've had a few come and go, but it's been almost impossible to find one. We've gigged instrumentally before, but I don't think anyone wants to do that again.
I've brought up recording the new material, but the drummer (who does the recording & mixing) said it would takes months and he doesn't want to right now. I'm not a fan of his recording style, which is make every single little detail 100% perfect and said that it doesn't need to take that long, but he wasn't having it.
He will literally take out everything that makes any sort of noise until it sounds like the most overprocessed/cyborg garbage. He thinks he's some big time producer by doing it, when he'd get fired for not having a finished copy within a couple of days for any decent studio. I understand him wanting to have a recording that sounds good, but ours are way overdone...
No, you're not wrong. He's being a jerk. It's beyond him just not prioritizing the rehearsal, he's treating you like sh_t! It's hard to consider him your friend, in light of his behavior towards you. Get your stuff and get out!
Good luck!
Good luck!
jive1
Commercial User
If they need someone to record, you could when he gets around to it (that's if you even want to). If he finds a singer, you can come to rehearse when he brings them into the band as a member (not auditions). Or you can just say that you'll stick around for the remainder of the gigs.
I'd put the ball in his court. If he wants to achieve in his way, let him. But you don't need to be an accomplice or be available for his convenience. He has to have something specific to do that will reach a goal, or it's just not worth it.
But, it sounds like you're done with this band and friendship, and I can't say I blame you. On the other hand, I have had some great friends that I could never be in a band with, and found we got along much better in our own seperate musical endeavors.
^^^ That may be an option, but then again it might not.
That's been my main problem. He's just been a sh*tty friend lately. I seem to be the only one putting any effort in keeping that going. I just checked my phone, not a single phone call that was initiated by him EVER in it's contact history...I've had it since cyber Monday last year.
My mind has been pretty made up about leaving this band, but I'm about 99% sure that means we're done as friends too. Like I said before, that's not really going to change much at all but it's still hard to swallow being that I've known him for 16 years. The last genuinely good memory I have was my wedding...and even then he was being a douche about it. Giving me the weekly "don't get married..." speech got old after the first time. hearing it every week for 6 months. And it's not like my wife has ever done anything wrong to him or me, she's great. She doesn't like him, but I can't blame her...
jive1
Commercial User
They say that you love the things you put time into. And it looks like you put time into your friend, and invested in that relationship. And it's hard to see that investment go down the tubes. I've been there, both financially and emotionally, but the emotional part is harder.
It looks like your lives have diverged, and it happens. Wish him the best, and you never know, he may grow up with a wife and kids and when you guys are in a similar stage he may say "Man, I can't believe how self-centered I was back then". Just don't bet on it.
you never know, he may grow up with a wife and kids and when you guys are in a similar stage he may say "Man, I can't believe how self-centered I was back then". Just don't bet on it.
He doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't want kids either. That's why he'd try to talk me out of it every week. Since he doesn't want it he couldn't possibly understand why anyone else would. Nor would he accept pretty much any of my reasons, not that I needed to justify it to him. That's pretty much when things started going wrong actually...
He had a pretty massive fight with his girlfriend when he told her that stuff. She's still with him, but she still wants marriage & kids so unless he changes his mind I don't see that working out either.
Wow...listen to me just airing out my dirty laundry.
Wow.
I had a "friend" once years ago who I thought I would be friends with forever. We were very close for probably 20 years. Then all a sudden he just stops taking my calls, wouldn't return messages. I found out later he wrote me off, but never knew why. I have a guess, but that issue was so small it should have never reached the break-off level.
After a while I finally realized I had been the "friend" all along, while he was basically using me as someone to be there for him, while doing nothing to be there for me. Much like you looking back through your phone and realizing he never calls you. Same deal. But yeah, it took me a while to understand (and to accept) that he never really was my friend.
Anyway, get your stuff. Some day you'll look back and realize you're not really out anything.
Sounds like the drummer is a classic Moocher, taking everybody for all he can take, and if they speak up, he turns it around and blames them for being selfish. A moocher will gradually surround himself with people who can't stand up to him.
Grab your gear and quit. Bring a friend if there's a chance it will turn contentious.
Grab your gear and quit. Bring a friend if there's a chance it will turn contentious.
IMO, sounds like there's some kind of substance abuse or mental health problem if he's always broke yet keeping the band from progressing and making money.
Maybe his friend was paying him to help fix the car or was sharing some of the good stuff with him?
Since he blew you off knowing that you were coming to rehearsal and started blaming you for the problems, this sounds familiar to me and the source is usually something not quite legal....
Meet with the guitar players if you want to continue the band with a different drummer. Seems to me you should look for another, more local band.
Yea, and he probably was abused when he was a child too...and now developed destructive behaviors towards himself and the people around him because he didn't learn to channel his aggressions towards his bad uncle...
Hey that was easy! Anyone else want a psychoanalysis?
life is too short to put up with that b.s. with your old drummer. cut your losses now. after all, what's the purpose? if your goals and his goals don't mesh, then just bow out. treat it like a business. if the person you're doing business with ain't pullin his weight, then go elsewhere. If you stick around, you're just working against yourself, and asking for frustration.
As far as singers go, they're a dime a dozen. When you watch the auditions for American Idol, the line of singers and wannabe singers goes for miles... a good, seasoned, mature bass player - not so easy to find (unless, of course, you look on talkbass!
As far as singers go, they're a dime a dozen. When you watch the auditions for American Idol, the line of singers and wannabe singers goes for miles... a good, seasoned, mature bass player - not so easy to find (unless, of course, you look on talkbass!
