What thinking led you to believe a minor in your top 40 cover band was a good idea? As you are finding out, it is usually not. Replace her with a mature professional, mkay?
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Band Issues
- Thread starter Scooter09
- Start date
Questions the band and yourself need to ask:
1. Is a female singer needed in your current line-up?
2. If a female is needed to fulfill your current set list, could the 17 year old be replaced by an older more seasond indavidual who does not have an umbilical cord attached?
3. Will the problems persist if she is kept on, or will they get worse?
Somehow I think unless she is dropped, the issue/s will get worse, until it begins to affect the whole group, your performances, and cause you or others to make the decision whether they wish to stay on!!!
I say deal with this now, and let her go...
1. Is a female singer needed in your current line-up?
2. If a female is needed to fulfill your current set list, could the 17 year old be replaced by an older more seasond indavidual who does not have an umbilical cord attached?
3. Will the problems persist if she is kept on, or will they get worse?
Somehow I think unless she is dropped, the issue/s will get worse, until it begins to affect the whole group, your performances, and cause you or others to make the decision whether they wish to stay on!!!
I say deal with this now, and let her go...
So the mom's not sending you harrassing texts, etc, but only sending them to the rest of the band? You suggest you've built longtime trust with the rest of the band. If you are all on the same page regarding booking and promo, just ask them not to tell you about the mom's messages unless it seems to them that she has a useful point or suggestion. That way, she's not a PITA to you, your bandmates don't feel like they have to run interference b/w you, and the mom gets to blow off steam and still feels like she's being listened to.
You say the band is building momentum, so the helicoptering stage-mom will probably screw it up soon enough by insisting that her daughter's the whole reason for the band's growing draw. Still, there's no point in you letting her force you out of your band now just by being unpleasant.
Oh no.......I would be having an in depth conversation with the guitarist! This 'mom' should have zero input or influence with your band....Period! I'm of the opinion that yes, the option of firing the young singer should be explored! Not her fault but her mom is causing issues! Me, I'd be fuming! You don't have to put up with that nonsense and your guitarist should not be allowing this nonsense to continue!
Call a band meeting NOW!
Call a band meeting NOW!
So did I haha.
To OP: from your posts, all the Mom is doing is texting the other members. You guys can't simply ignore texts?? Just ignore her and go about your business...
Maybe it will die out. Or maybe it will blow up even bigger later. Deal with it then based on the situation at that time. I would not let a few texts be an issue if it were me. Good luck!
- Sep 4, 2010
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- Endorsing: Martin Keith Guitars
+1
A 40-year old female singer with a jealous husband, or a male guitarist with a jealous wife who are meddling with band affairs come down to the the same thing.
The problem is that in the long run the girl in question might get into situations of conflicting loyalties, which in case of a minor is especially an unfair thing to ask him or her, which gives this mom a power over this band close to moral blackmail, a position she seems to relish the fullest extent.
It does not sound like the success of the band depends on this singer, as good and great to work with as she might be. So if the mother can not respect the boundaries (set and made clear to everybody involved first, incl. your singer) that are part of being in this band, she'll have to go. Nothing personal.
Seriously?!?!?!? I have so many things to say about this, but I am sure that you are unreceptive, so I will leave it at this - Women in bands are no different than men in bands. There are people who can handle the commitment and those who cannot.
Perhaps you want to look at your own behavior if you have problems with all women with whom you have played.
A soon to be 17 year old female minor with mature adult males is a recipe for trouble. What if the mom gets pissed and accuses some band member of foul play with her daughter. She could turn your life in to a nightmare.
jive1
Commercial User
Plain and simple....If you deal with minors, you deal with parents. If you don't want to deal with parents, don't deal with minors.
IMO, if you don't deal with one at all, then I'd wonder what's up with their parents. The few times that I auditioned minors, I made it clear that I wanted to meet their parents because inevitably I will have to deal with them sooner or later.
IMO, if you don't deal with one at all, then I'd wonder what's up with their parents. The few times that I auditioned minors, I made it clear that I wanted to meet their parents because inevitably I will have to deal with them sooner or later.
Sory,But in my opinion You Have to get rid of the girl!! No matter who the mom has on her side !! She's way to young! Or Move on yourself ??? I know Im hard But sounds like "band cancer" now that the mom's involved !!!
If it were just the band getting text it wouldn't bother me. She has been harrassing me as well with text.
Thanks everyone for your input. I think after the gig we have this Saturday, I will address the issue with the whole band and let the mom know her position in the band which is no position at all.
As usual, Jive is right on.
Personally, I would never play in a band with a minor. Maybe that means I'd miss out on playing with some talented people, but it's a sacrifice I'd make just to keep my life easier.
There's too many downsides with a minor in a band to justify the upsides. Let them play with their peers.
Just my $.02
Agreed that having a minor in the band will pose various problems. Seems odd to me that the problem has been allowed to fester, though. After the first text from the mom, didn't everyone's alarm bells go off? How did your band mates respond to her? Did no one think to say something like, "We understand your concerns, but this was a band decision and he is only carrying out what we all agreed to. Decisions such as these are restricted to band members only." She may well have blown up and pulled her daughter out of the band, but at least it would have been over and done with and not caused any further aggro.
I'm not in highschool anymore and really don't have the time or patience to put up with this drama. Does anyone have any advice please???
Contrary to the assumptions of many, you don't have the ability to control mom. Also I don't buy the notion that "she's trying to turn everyone against me". Red flag there.
The only reason it's a drama for you is that you're making it so. If you're not in high school anymore, then don't act like it.
I've been in a bunch of situations where people don't like me and talk it up to everyone else. The best thing to do is give it the attention it deserves. Zero. Treat you bandmates well (and the daughter) and I doubt much will come of it.
The singer could, with the right support and mentoring from bandmates, turn out to be a highly competent, mature and valuable musician capable of achieving lots of success and satisfaction from her chosen path.
Or she could be dumped from what sounds like an excellent opportunity for someone just embarking on her musical career, all because her treacherous, interfering mother couldn't mind her own business and stay out of things.
I'd be telling this in no uncertain terms to the mother and applying the 3-strike rule - and I'd be prepared to follow it through if necessary. You guys sound like you've got very good prospects and lots of work on the horizon - all very attractive to a 'less problematic' replacement vocalist.
Good luck
Or she could be dumped from what sounds like an excellent opportunity for someone just embarking on her musical career, all because her treacherous, interfering mother couldn't mind her own business and stay out of things.
I'd be telling this in no uncertain terms to the mother and applying the 3-strike rule - and I'd be prepared to follow it through if necessary. You guys sound like you've got very good prospects and lots of work on the horizon - all very attractive to a 'less problematic' replacement vocalist.
Good luck
I guess the way the band meeting would go depends on whether you really want to keep that girl.
The easiest method I think is to get rid of the girl, or at least wait until she's an independent adult who isn't under the influence of her mum.
However, if you want to keep her, then you really need to address the mum, as a band. You want to show the mum that telling her to back off and not get involved with band business is an unanimous decision by the entire band, not just from you.
The easiest method I think is to get rid of the girl, or at least wait until she's an independent adult who isn't under the influence of her mum.
However, if you want to keep her, then you really need to address the mum, as a band. You want to show the mum that telling her to back off and not get involved with band business is an unanimous decision by the entire band, not just from you.
