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Band Issues

#81
Stumbo said:
He has a crush on her. He's probably waiting until she's 18 to start dating her.

If the decision of the band is dump her, and if the male singer really likes her, he'll put up a big fight to keep her in the band. Maybe he should deal with the mom?
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I think he's referring to the girl's mom, not the girl herself.

...but I may be wrong :hiding:
 
#83
BayStateBass said:
I love music as much as anyone, I think, but for those of you who are stating that the band needs to tell the mom to "back off", you're way off base.

As a parent it would be a cold day in hell that I would let a group of people in a band tell me what I should/shouldn't do with my UNDERAGE child when it comes to how they spend their time, where they are going, what they are doing, and who they are with.

In the end, this girl is a minor, and as such is ultimately the responsibility of her parents, not a group of musicians. And until one of you is appointed her "guardian", that fact won't change.

Sorry if this makes me sound like a jerk, but ultimately it's the truth. When dealing with a minor, especially in a situation like a band, expect to deal with the parents because they are the ones who are responsible for their child's activities, not you.
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But why is the mom attempting to tell the other band members how to do their job? Doesn't seem to be related to her daughter at all. I mean, seems no one in the band it creating any problems.

Sure the mom has control over her daughter but she also wants control over band decisions. A lot different scenario than you describe. No one in the band it telling the mom how to do anything. It's the reverse.
 
#84
aens_wife said:
Seriously?!?!?!? I have so many things to say about this, but I am sure that you are unreceptive, so I will leave it at this - Women in bands are no different than men in bands. There are people who can handle the commitment and those who cannot.

Perhaps you want to look at your own behavior if you have problems with all women with whom you have played.:rollno:
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I agree....YOU have problems with women....seriously mrLenny1....how could you say such a thing....
 
#85
Stumbo said:
He has a crush on her. He's probably waiting until she's 18 to start dating her.
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I didn't want to say this originally cause it's kinda sick to think about, but that was my first thought as well. Male singer wants to boink the female singer but has to wait till she's of age so he's making nice with mom so she doesn't pull her kid out of the band before then.

And if that happens, all the drama that has transpired till now will seem like nothing compared to what happens from that point on.
 
#86
jaywa said:
I didn't want to say this originally cause it's kinda sick to think about, but that was my first thought as well. Male singer wants to boink the female singer but has to wait till she's of age so he's making nice with mom so she doesn't pull her kid out of the band before then.

And if that happens, all the drama that has transpired till now will seem like nothing compared to what happens from that point on.
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Won't +1 this, since for the OP's sake i hope your wrong.. But, if it's plausible their should be sign's.. and if it is even close to true... Run away, bring the drummer. Start a new band , because like jaywa said.. If you think this is drama.. Just wait until you get THAT text from the mother..

:scowl:
 
#88
Stumbo said:
Alternatively, I suggest you call a band meeting without the female vocalist and come to an agreement on what to do.

I suggest you don't call the mom out after a gig, when everyone is tired and wanting to go home. IME/IMO, that will be a train wreck of a meeting. :atoz: Expect lots of shouting and hurt feelings with no resolution.

IMO, the mom is a "stage mom", wanting to be in control of her daughter's "career". She wont' stop after the girl turns 18. Best bet is, as was posted earlier, to replace her or go on without a female singer, just readjust your set list.

You never know what your bandmates really want to do until you get together and ask them. Put up a white board and list all the pros/cons. Seems to me you can make a good case for dumping the girl more than you can to keep the mom from being involved.

I suspect that the mom will force her daughter to quit the band if you tell her to stop bugging everyone.
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Actually that is what I was thinking about doing. The female singer wont be there when we are setting up this week because she had prior engagements so I will discuss with the guys and decide what to do from there. Thanks!
 
#90
Scooter09 said:
I was, but this comment isn't too far fetched LOL
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Well there's your answer. As someone else said, if it looks like 35-yr old male singer has the hots for the 17-yr old female singer, there's BIG TROUBLE a-brewing and as much as I hate to say it, you need to be planning an exit strategy cause this whole thing is gonna get a lot messier than it already is.

:help:

BTW, still waiting for a pic of this young ingenue. :D
 
#91
jaywa said:
Well there's your answer. As someone else said, if it looks like 35-yr old male singer has designs on the 17-yr old female singer, there's BIG TROUBLE a-brewing and as much as I hate to say it, you need to be planning an exit strategy cause it's gonna get a lot messier than it already is.
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Amen... please read the writing on the wall, it is for your benefit. I have been performing semi professionally for 39 years (I am 55 and started performing for pay at 16 in bars so I am very familiar with this dynamic) and your situation is a precarious one with the possibility of getting MUCH worse. You have described a steep slippery slope and whether you see it today or not you are close to the edge. Protect yourself and get to safety by dealing with this ASAP. Mom could cause a lot more strife if the 35 yo is even thinking about your minor singer... And it won't matter to mom if she is 18 or not that's big trouble brewing.


You need the other band members to be united with you on this or it could definitely break up the band.
 
#96
grinx said:
pix or it is not happening...
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Maybe the OP has to get mom's permission to post a pic, LOL.

But seriously, and with all due respect to the OP... this has the potential to end very badly. For your sake I hope you find a way to get out of this sooner than later without giving up your gigging opportunities.

By all indications your male lead singer is fixing to screw up your band (and his life) chasing tail that's half his age... that's his choice. But whether you're around to take the shrapnel when everything blows up, is your choice.
 
#98
jaywa said:
I agree. That chick is too young to be hanging with your crew and I'd feel the same way even if Stage Mom from Hell wasn't in the picture.

Having her spending all that time with 5 guys who are all significantly older is just asking for trouble -- especially if she's hot. Frankly I'm a little surprised all the other members' wives/GFs are on board with this whole thing in the first place.
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I have a 17 year old step-daughter, and if she were in this situation I'd be doing a whole lot more than meddling!

You guys have no sense whatsoever. You even had to come here to ask if this is a bad idea!!! Let her join a band of high schoolers - she should NOT be in your band!
 

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