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Band Issues

#61
klokker said:
So what? The point here is that the band really doesn't have any right or responsibility to intervene in the mother/daughter relationship at this point. So what if the parent and the child is messed up? So what it they blame the band? Big whoop.

It's not the bands problem unless they choose to make it so.

People love to become emotionally involved in other people's drama. Don't. Practice, rehearse, enjoy. Let the mother and the daughter have the problem. Don't make it yours. You really do have that choice.
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Except.....the mother is interjecting herself in the band business
 
#63
Your entire band needs to sit down with this girl and tell her that her mom is causing friction in the band and that it needs to stop. You can't do it alone because then it is just "you" who has a problem with her. Mom doesn't need to be communicating with anyone in the band [about band business]. She wouldn't go down to the girl's job and complain would she?

Be prepared for Mom to play hardball and pull daughter out.
 
#65
Factor88 said:
Seems the opinion is dividing between "properly concerned parent" and "meddling bi43h". I say there isn't enough information given to make that call. The OP said:"It seems that everytime I do something whether it be book our band, create some type of promotion material or the latest, post a song to our website that our 44 year old guitar player with over 20 years experience approved, the mom has some kind of problem with it ". I need examples. Take the following:

Scenario 1: OP posts a u-tube video of the band at a gig. In the video, at one point the girl bends over to pick up a tambourine and her thong comes poppoing out of her jeans and is clearly visible on the video. Mom sees video, and objects.

Scenario 2. OP posts the bands latest studio song on the band's website. The girl had done three different vocal takes. Ultimately the Band (led by the OP) decides take #1 is the best and uses that treack for the final version. Mom has heard all three and believes the third take was her daughter's best one, and objects.

To me, clearly in scenario 1 the mom is properly concerned, and in scenario 2 is a meddler. So what are the specifics, OP? What has specifically she objected two and how, specifically, has she tried to turn your band against you?
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Ok as far as posting a song. It was a live version of a song that we had recorded at our last show through our guitar player's recording equipment. She claimed one word in the song sounded like something else. I won't go into exact details, but I can give an example. (Take Pardon Me by Incubus for example. When you listen to it you hear Pardon me, but if I tell you they are saying Potted Meat and you listen to it, you hear Potted Meat.) The lyric in the song is Paris and the mom is trying to say it sounds like Parrot.

As far as her trying to start trouble and turn people against me, everyone in our band besides the 17 year old has full time jobs and don't like to deal with the hassel of booking, promoting, or creating promotion items for the band so they all allow me to make those decisions. It's not by my choice they ask me to. So I chose a logo and had it printed on a banner and business cards which everyone in the band including the 17 year old loved. Well the mother starts texting all the other band member asking them if they approve of what I'm doing. And yes this may sound stupid and a lot of people on here say ignore it, which I was doing at the beginning, but it is little things like this that have been happening and every week I get a text from the mom complaining about something else then she goes text the other guys. With the recording, she sent an email to the guitar player saying she needs to review and approve all recordings before he sends them to anyone in the band. I mean come on.

As far as the people that are saying things about the relationship between the mother and daugther, this has nothing to do with that. It's the fact that the mother keeps trying to control things that really has nothing to do with her.
 
#69
Step 1. Meet with band and discuss the plan

Step 2. Tell singer what is happening, she may not know, and that all the band including singer are going to have a meeting with mom

Step 3. Band meets with mom and states what the problems are

Step 4. Based on mom's reaction band decides what to do.

Step 5. Don't be surprised if mom pulls the ultimatum and says that she will pull her daughter
 
#71
If you can't just ignore the mom, my suggestion is have the band talk to the daughter, let her know her mom is annoying the whole band and see if she can get her mom to back off. You are treating the daughter as an adult, even if her mom is not, the daughter is a full band member and it is her mom, she should have to deal with it. Just like you or any other members would need to deal with it if your spouses or significant others started up like this.

By the way, you don't really think that when the daughter turns 18 that her mom is just going to go away, do you? This has got to be worked out between those two (mother-daughter) otherwise it is just going to be an ongoing situation.
 
#72
guy n. cognito said:
Personally, I would avoid having a female minor in my band. Nothing good can come from it, especially with an overbearing mother.
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I couldn't agree more.

Even without meddling Mom, I personally wouldn't invest time in a band that included a 17 year old, because the odds of that 17 year old being mature, reliable, consistent, and long term committed - are very, very low.

With meddling Mom, it's double trouble. If it was a national act worth lots of money, it Might be something to work through. With this being a weekend warrior cover band, the answer would be very obvious to me. I'm surprised how many people suggested trying to work this out with the Mom. Wow.
 
#73
pickettj said:
Then you shouldn't have a 17 year old girl in your band. I have many teenage nieces and cousins ages ranging from 14-19 and I can tell you from my experience with ALL of them, they are either always or mostly a pain in the ass eventually. And their moms are usually at least part of the problem. Drama is their life. If someone tried to bring a teenage girl in to my band I'd drop out of the thing all together and right now.

Let me be clear by saying I have no issues with female singers, just teenage girls. Maybe the ones I know are the exception, not the rule. But I find it hard to believe that a dozen girls across seven different families that all act the same are the exception.
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You have it right - it's the rule. I have many more datapoints to add to yours. :)
 
#76
guy n. cognito said:
Personally, I would avoid having a female minor in my band. Nothing good can come from it, especially with an overbearing mother.
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I agree. That chick is too young to be hanging with your crew and I'd feel the same way even if Stage Mom from Hell wasn't in the picture.

Having her spending all that time with 5 guys who are all significantly older is just asking for trouble -- especially if she's hot. Frankly I'm a little surprised all the other members' wives/GFs are on board with this whole thing in the first place.
 
#78
jaywa said:
I agree. That chick is too young to be hanging with your crew and I'd feel the same way even if Stage Mom from Hell wasn't in the picture.

Having her spending all that time with 5 guys who are all significantly older is just asking for trouble -- especially if she's hot. Frankly I'm a little surprised all the other members' wives/GFs are on board with this whole thing in the first place.
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Same, unless she and her family are close friends with a few of the members. And even then I think I'd only be comfortable with it being a rare thing, like she'd do a couple rehearsals and maybe do a few songs with the band on one gig. Nothing long term or permanent.
 
#79
Scooter09 said:
. I think after the gig we have this Saturday, I will address the issue with the whole band and let the mom know her position in the band which is no position at all.
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Alternatively, I suggest you call a band meeting without the female vocalist and come to an agreement on what to do.

I suggest you don't call the mom out after a gig, when everyone is tired and wanting to go home. IME/IMO, that will be a train wreck of a meeting. :atoz: Expect lots of shouting and hurt feelings with no resolution.

IMO, the mom is a "stage mom", wanting to be in control of her daughter's "career". She wont' stop after the girl turns 18. Best bet is, as was posted earlier, to replace her or go on without a female singer, just readjust your set list.

You never know what your bandmates really want to do until you get together and ask them. Put up a white board and list all the pros/cons. Seems to me you can make a good case for dumping the girl more than you can to keep the mom from being involved.

I suspect that the mom will force her daughter to quit the band if you tell her to stop bugging everyone.
 
#80
Scooter09 said:
It's not the guitarist it's the male singer and he is not dating her he just does everything she says. Why? I have no clue.
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He has a crush on her. He's probably waiting until she's 18 to start dating her.

If the decision of the band is dump her, and if the male singer really likes her, he'll put up a big fight to keep her in the band. Maybe he should deal with the mom?
 

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