Band members who drink

[Thegreatzambini]

The singer-guitarist in my punk-indie trio is a pretty heavy drinker, while I’m sober. (We’ve been friends for more than a decade and the two of us used to get wasted quite a bit together back when I was drinking.) He still has four or five beers every time we rehearse, and generally, I'm cool with it. But it can be a problem at gigs. He starts as soon as show up for soundcheck — say, at 6. By the time we go on at 8:30 or 9, he’s had three or four, as well as some shots with his friends, and he’s drunk. I’ve found that his playing and singing really start to suffer after the third drink or so. Alcohol being what it is, he has no awareness of that. In fact, quite the opposite. His hero is Paul Westerberg, circa 1985, and even though he’s old enough to know better (mid-50s), he still buys into the whole sloppy, rock-and-roll-excess myth.

FWIW, audiences seem to respond well enough. But I know that we could be so much tighter and leaner and meaner if he could control his intake. I’ve tried to bring it up, and his response tends to be a sarcastic, “Ok, dad.”

I try hard not to judge other peoples’ choices when it comes to substances. And he so clearly loves to drink when he plays. Plus, this is a hobby-band, not a moneymaking situation, so the stakes are low. So I’ve kind of made peace with the idea that he is who he is, and if I want to keep playing with him – which I do – I gotta accept that. But it's a shame because I know the drinking is holding us back.

Anyway, I’m curious how you-all handle similar issues with players who drink.

More appropriately accurate title would be “Band members that drink heavily”….nothing wrong with a couple guys having a few brews

 

[DaveParker39]

You're right.
It's probably holding you back AND there's nothing you can really do about it, apart from deciding what you want your relationship and boundaries with your bandmates/the gig to be.

 

[Joebone]

Aside from him having a health scare and cutting back or quitting drinking, if having a mature conversation doesn't work... Start recording rehearsals and preferably a gig. Listen back as a band or share via a whatsapp ground. Helps if the drummer is on board and you can both give your feedback of "something doesn't sound right", or, "that bit was a bit sketchy, lets work on it" - hopefully he hears it.

If he doesn't, it is what it is.

Recording is indeed the best answer. One problem is how to present it - in an ideal world, comparisons between somewhat-sober rehearsals and saturated gigs...but then you're veering into intervention territory, which is a whole, fraught thing of its own...

 

[JohnnyBottom]

There are some that can have 1 or 2 drinks or not. There are some that lost the power to choose, cant see the true from the false, they think the life they are living is the only normal one. Can not, not have the first drink and then cant predict how much they will drink. The real alcoholic. If he is the latter, playing all the recordings or asking him to hold off will be of no use. Even he doesnt know why he does it, and actually its not a drinking problem, but a sober problem. Until he hits a bottom and finds recovery hopeless is the sad fact.

 

[Swings]

The singer-guitarist in my punk-indie trio is a pretty heavy drinker, while I’m sober. (We’ve been friends for more than a decade and the two of us used to get wasted quite a bit together back when I was drinking.) He still has four or five beers every time we rehearse, and generally, I'm cool with it. But it can be a problem at gigs. He starts as soon as show up for soundcheck — say, at 6. By the time we go on at 8:30 or 9, he’s had three or four, as well as some shots with his friends, and he’s drunk. I’ve found that his playing and singing really start to suffer after the third drink or so. Alcohol being what it is, he has no awareness of that. In fact, quite the opposite. His hero is Paul Westerberg, circa 1985, and even though he’s old enough to know better (mid-50s), he still buys into the whole sloppy, rock-and-roll-excess myth.

FWIW, audiences seem to respond well enough. But I know that we could be so much tighter and leaner and meaner if he could control his intake. I’ve tried to bring it up, and his response tends to be a sarcastic, “Ok, dad.”

I try hard not to judge other peoples’ choices when it comes to substances. And he so clearly loves to drink when he plays. Plus, this is a hobby-band, not a moneymaking situation, so the stakes are low. So I’ve kind of made peace with the idea that he is who he is, and if I want to keep playing with him – which I do – I gotta accept that. But it's a shame because I know the drinking is holding us back.

Anyway, I’m curious how you-all handle similar issues with players who drink.

I wish you luck.

In my experience people who drink/drug excessively and people who can’t hear how intoxication marrs their playing prioritise their lifestyle ahead of their musical excellence.

It’s not likely you can get this person to change or care differently.
Especially as this is a recreational/hobby pursuit.

Have they expressed a desire to play better or an unease with their ability whilst drunk?

it seems like you are taking on the responsibility of helping this person curb drinking and to improve their playing because you think it’s a shame things are the way they are.

I’m in no way supportive of damaging lifestyles or critical of wanting to support someone else be the best they can be, but at risk of an overly negative message, “You do not share the same values”. This is why bands break up.
It will ruin your life trying to tolerate a problematic drinker.
Oft told story…

 

[pepj]

Since driving is going to be a factor, our bar bill is
a beer each for beer guys, a coffee and a soda.
I dont recall playing out with anyone who had more than 2 beers.
But even then, it wouldn't matter because noone plays with people you can't handle drink these days ime.

 

[Patrice B]

We're in NYC, so drunk driving is not an issue. It's a great town for functional alcoholics.

You mean, walking or taking subway I hope! As soon as you have to drive from point A to point B inebriated, it’s a gamble…

 

[Patrice B]

There are people out there who don’t drink?…

Yeah, us, sober alcoholics

 

[Marko 1]

Plus, this is a hobby-band, not a moneymaking situation, so the stakes are low. So I’ve kind of made peace with the idea that he is who he is, and if I want to keep playing with him – which I do – I gotta accept that.

Over-drinking band members is definitely an issue to be discussed, but in this case,

I'd just enjoy the experience until something better presents itself.

 

[John Sparkman]

I love some beers in the evening, but my general practice is to avoid having them until after the gig is over, and all my gear is put away at home.

I do NOT ever want to get arrested for DUI, and nothing invites an arrest for DUI like loading out of a club or bar with all your gear and hitting the road late at night.

I avoid problems at music practice with other friends and band mates by doing the same thing.
Hold practice in the daylight, and wait until after four or five pm to crack the first beer.
Again, while safely at home.

To the point of performing with a drunk band mate, I feel blessed in that in all my years of playing and performing live, I have never had that problem. Drummer Bob would enjoy some beers at a gig, and singer Lisa would always get right with some flavored rum. But they performed brilliantly, and never got sloppy.
Just happily loose.

Now; allowing musician friends to get on stage and perform a song or two?
That's something that happens with certain bands, and circles of musician friends.
I learned from hard experience though, nobody sits in without having practiced with us earlier that week.
And NOBODY gets on stage drunk or high.

I had precisely one disaster by bending that rule one time, and I swore never again!