Buy a digital mixer like the Behringer XR18 or X32 -- it makes it really easy to run IEMs and individual monitor mixes. Start a band where the goal is to have as close to no stage volume as possible. That could mean electronic drums and digital guitar rigs like the Kemper Profiler or Avid. If the guitarists insist on amps & cabs, it's gotta be bedroom volume and mic'd into the PA. Volume's gotta come thru their IEMs, not their amps. It can be done. If you're up front about it when searching for band mates, you may find some people who have the same mindset that you do about volume.
I have that exact same scenario in my band. We started out with me playing a 500w full stack and the guitars on 212s. The drummer had a monitor setup with a sub, a 19" rack with a crossover and a poweramp and a 12" top to make up for playing edrums.
Then IEM came and everything changed. last gig, both guitars were on single 12s with those lunchbox heads that do less than 20 watts and I'm playing 50 watts into a single 12, too. Mostly for the singers because they don't have decent IEMs. One of the guitarists even ordered one of those new multi effect boards to try out going ampless. Everyone in the band is very keen on keeping the stage sound quiet. When FOH tells us one of the instruments is too loud on stage, the speaker gets turned around or the amp gets turned down without any hesitation.
It's amazing to see something like this happen.
A band I was in before that had a strict BL on guitar. He never turned up his amp. When he was feeling that his guitar was not loud enough, he simply made everyone else turn down. That was nice, too. The only band I never used hearing protection with.