A huge part of the problem is that for many years we've been buying the wrong equipment (not bass players, we're perfect).
But those of us who play drums are buying exotic heads and so-called Rock Crash or Heavy Ride cymbals, all of which have to be struck pretty hard to get a full and natural tone out of them. The Wrong Gear. A medium volume set can be put together, but you want the old style thinner shells, lighter coated heads, medium thin cymbals, etc.
It's the same for guitar players. It's a rare gig that you can't use a 35w to 50w amp and a 2x12 cabinet. Yet we have many fine companies making 3-channel 120w heads with multiple gain stages for the guitar market. Don't get me wrong, these amps are big fun, sound great and are well made...but it's like driving a drag racing car around to get the groceries. The Wrong Gear.
These days there is no longer an excuse in saying "I need to turn my amp up to get my sound." There are too many excellent ways to get that amp grind, or subtle overdrive. The audience doesn't give a damn about "my tone," and if I say otherwise, I'm wrong, clueless and being selfish. Don't get me wrong, I love my Marshall DSL - but it's a 50-watter, and runs into a good 2x12. We don't have to be so loud, we just need to get over buying The Wrong Gear.
One of the best guitarists I've ever played with uses a Deluxe Reverb and it's plenty loud enough for ANY gig. My rig is a tc RH450 and two RS112 cabs. To be honest it's almost too much bass rig to run with modern PA support. I've played bass since 1969 and have seen, played through and owned just about every big name bass rig out there. Ampeg, SUNN, Acoustic, Bi-amp rigs, you name it. Honestly those big dinosaurs move HUGE air but aren't needed with today's PA's.
IMO one of the many marks of a real seasoned musician is learning that volume ain't everything. IMO a true PRO can get his/her volume and style with any rig at any volume. Same with drummers. A drummer can have power along with finesse. Not easy but it can be done.
To the OP KEEP LOOKING. You'll eventually find the right people who agree with you about volume.