Best Lines you've heard onstage?

[redwingxix]

A ways back I was in Breckenridge and ended up at the Sherpa And Yeti club one night. There was a bluegrass band that was really good and their banjo player only had one finger on his left (fretting) hand. After a scorching number that featured all the players with a solo, the banjo player remarks to his guitar player, "You know we could play that song a lot faster if you didn't have all those extra fingers to slow you down."

To this day I think that was one of the best lines I've heard from a performer. What do you got?

 

[Richland123]

Occasionally, I will introduce our guitarist as "The best guitar player on this stage at this moment." He always rolls his eyes when I say that.

 

[mellowinman]

They usually came from female audience members. But you wouldn't believe any of 'em, so why bother?

 

[redwingxix]

Does the other guitar player get mad? heh.

 

[redwingxix]

I guess I meant best lines you've heard FROM onstage, as in that's where they originated.

 

[Jebberz]

A signer I know often does this:

"Do you like country music ?"
(crowd usually says yes)
Then he replies "So lest's play a blues" just before a blues song. Swap the genres as you like...

 

[SLO Surfer]

"I'd like to take this moment to introduce the band..." (turns to look and point at drummer) "Bobby," (turns and points at guitarist) "this is Doug, Doug meet Bobby."

 

[Richland123]

"I'd like to take this moment to introduce the band..." (turns to look and point at drummer) "Bobby," (turns and points at guitarist) "this is Doug, Doug meet Bobby."

I do that introduction thing between my guitarist and drummer.

 

[Richland123]

I sometimes say, "We would like to feature our guitar player on this next song; but, we won't. We would just like to."

 

[Sbassman Scratch]

I heard a bluegrass picker introduce one of his originals with this one: Well, if you've heard one bluegrass tune you've heard 'em both!

 

[wideload]

"...and on guitar, Reily "Lightning Fingers" Dawson! We call him that, because they never strike twice in the same place."

 

[7bridges]

If you have a song request, just write it across Benjamin Franklin's face.

 

[Slevage]

We've had several requests———-but we're going to keep playing anyway.

 

[Slevage]

I do that introduction thing between my guitarist and drummer.

Then have them shake hands.

 

[Slevage]

We've had several requests—— but I'm afraid that would be anatomically impossible to do with musical instruments this size.

 

[Slevage]

As the band goes on break—-

We'll be back in 15 minutes for the third half of our show.

 

[packhowitzer]

My aunt worked in music management when I was a kid, and occasionally I got to go with her to concerts with all-access passes. We were in the wings of Radio City music hall in the 90s to see a very well-known disco R&B female singer (I won't name her, but she was really big in the late 70s and early 80s). It was in the days before auto tune or digital pitch correction and this singer was having a really tough time. One of the stage managers turned to my aunt and said, "she's singing so flat, she's sharp in another key!" Here we are 25 years later and it still makes me laugh.

 

[Misfit Wookiee]

"Who doesn't want to be the fur on someone's pup?" - Luke Halpin, "What A Lovely Day", Live In Los Angeles

 

[LanEvo]

Local band at a dive bar some 25 years ago:

"Hello, Boston! We have not come to not rock you tonight!"

 

[pbassjbass]

to keep it short... Setting up the story of Frankie and Johnny, so, Johnny has a choice, go back to school, get the GED,the BA/BS, and a graduate degree, to afford the diamond for Frankie, or take out his 38 and rob the jeweler... the sax player leans into his mic, and says, the choice was obvious... downbeat and we're off.