Best Lines you've heard onstage?

[laughing house]

We'd like to thank y'all for your support during our recent troubles. Our guitarist Bill was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor chord.......

 

[Frampton]

My favorite: "Can I get a little more talent in these monitors?"

 

[Jason Hollar]

Rule #1 - No Drinking during Gospel Songs

Rule #2 - No Gospel Songs

 

[Frampton]

"Not many people know this, but we're famous."

 

[Frampton]

"Please buy our CD. We haven't eaten since dinner."

 

[Inky13]

One of my faves is: That last song was too fast.
We're going to play this next song half fast.
Anybody wants to use that line owes me a dollar per.

 

[avalancheMM]

And now, my favourite blugrass tune, " I'll Share My Moonshine With You If You Show Me Yer Jugs"! Ba-da-bump

Regards

 

[Inky13]

Another one: On upright gigs, I'll say "I have the largest member.................of the violin family!" Heyoooo!

 

[Bass'd on a true story]

My go to line is "make sure to follow us on all of our social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram... Pornhub".

Every guy in the audience immediately laughs for ONE second, before turning sheepishly to their clearly displeased girlfriend.

 

[Tim Skaggs]

A ways back I was in Breckenridge and ended up at the Sherpa And Yeti club one night. There was a bluegrass band that was really good and their banjo player only had one finger on his left (fretting) hand. After a scorching number that featured all the players with a solo, the banjo player remarks to his guitar player, "You know we could play that song a lot faster if you didn't have all those extra fingers to slow you down."

To this day I think that was one of the best lines I've heard from a performer. What do you got?

Sounds like Barry Abernathy formerly of Mountain Heart. If it was him, he can sing really well too.

 

[mbasile]

Was at a show a few weeks ago with a very powerful singer. Halfway through the show the bassist goes "this next one features our singer..."

 

[EdwardofHuncote]

Sounds like Barry Abernathy formerly of Mountain Heart. If it was him, he can sing really well too.

Beat me to it.

 

[keyboardguy]

My singer had a couple of good ones:

"We're going to take a brief break so we can adjust our briefs".....

To a person coming out of the restroom:
"Sir / Ma'am; could you hear us in the bathroom?" After they answered,
"Well, we could sure hear YOU !"

 

[Hevy T]

My former guitarist was doing a gig and singing Bad Moon Rising and overheard someone yelling out, Where's the bathroom" the guitarist didn't miss a beat

I see the bad moon rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightnin'
I see bad times today

Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's the mens room on the right!

He points to stage right where indeed there was the mens room

 

[JW56789]

I was in a touring band, and I was often introduced, ' . . . . this fella was outstanding in his field. No, really. We were driving thru the country, and there he was, out standing in his field. We pulled over, told him to get his bass and a toothbrush, and here he is !'

 

[interp]

Once played a gig where every song was met with almost zero reaction from the crowd (and this was a really good band). People just weren't reacting.

So when we ended a song and there was no sound in the room other than people conversing the band leader got on the mic and said: "And now, folks, we're going to pee on you."

About a quarter of the crowd burst into laughter, another quarter looked at one another "what did he just say?", and half the crowd still didn't react.

 

[selowitch]

"We're not getting paid for this gig tonight ... and in a few seconds, you'll know why."

 

[Jeff Elkins]

A trio I used to go see ended a song one night and the BL announced that they had to have a band meeting. He stomped the stage lights off, and they all immediately proceeded to shout obscenities at each other for about 7 seconds. On cue, he brought the lights back up and they went on as if nothing happened, all big smiles.

 

[biguglyman]

Right now our guitarist is playing his favorite Chinese song: Too Ning

Once played a gig where every song was met with almost zero reaction from the crowd

When this happens, I usually say:"Thank you...both of you".

 

[mcarp555]

I used to work with a guitarist who would tell the audience to hold onto their ticket stubs; we'll be giving away the free Buick later on. Of course, there were no tickets.