Betrayal

[retslock]

Not always… some people just want to watch the world burn.

Apparently around 20% of humans are born psychopaths with a complete absence of fear and compassion. Method: in order to succeed, control or destroy all perceived competition for control. Research suggests psychopath career preferences include law, medicine, clergy and perhaps now, singing in arena rock bands.

 

[ashtray]

Is the other bass player gone? Did he quit after the assault? Seriously, sounds like the singer should be locked up for that.

I’d want to be sure you weren’t kicking the other bass player out by returning, and also letting the temps cool off a bit before getting back together - with a new vocalist.

 

[Ewo]

Shoo..I'd have nothing to do with anybody involved with that cluster F.

Like I said to my current wife (this one's a keeper) about my ex-wife: when she filed the papers, it was like I was getting out of a bad contract.

 

[BlueTalon]

Definitely don’t entertain that singer. But if you do, remember when you throw a punch don’t ball your thumb like John Wayne did. Used to drive my old man crazy, dude was in a bajillion fight scenes and never threw a believable punch.

Early early John Wayne movies are hilarious. The fight scenes were guys throwing punches with straight arms, like horizontal windmills.

 

[ToneMonkey]

Fonzy will know what to do.

 

[mr80htz]

Ok so in the interest of not making an obnoxiously long and unreadable post, I’m going to give a quick back story to bring you upto speed.

A year and a half ago I got involved with an original arena rock band. I quickly became friends with The guitarist, who is in his late 60s (30 years my elder) and very well traveled musically. Since we were having a heck of a time finding a good singer, we had to go with a singer from a previous lineup that was known for causing trouble and splitting the band up. First he began trying to remove the guitarist for no good reasons, and I stuck up for guitar player and walked back some of the other members.

Shortly after, the attention was put on me. The singer claimed I’m playing wasn’t up to par, which it was, and when that didn’t work it changed to me not being committed enough when he discovered I wasn’t going to jump when he said so.

And he got the guitarist to follow suit. When I realized what was going on I bailed ship. Needless to say, shortly after I was gone, singer got a hard on for the guitarist again. There was a major disruption at a practice, the singer rage quit and put 8 stitches in the bass players head.

Now the drummer who I was always cool with is hinting I should come back. He says the guitarist is beside himself with how stupid he was.

So I’m conflicted. I had a lot of fun with these guys, they have great gear and connections and the guitarist taught me a lot in the time we were together. At the same time it feels like getting back together with someone that cheated on you. Can it ever be the same? Or am I being too trivial?

Sounds like good times ended. I would be appreciative of the good things and move on. Do you like drama? Worth some good gigs?

 

[gazzatriumph]

Don't go back, the guitarist crapped on you and that would always bug me.

 

[callofcthulhu]

original music, 80s arena rock

Thia still doesn't clarify for me. Is this band playing arenas?

 

[fretno]

At least we don’t have Mick Mars level problems. Good luck Mick

 

[Pocket Dave]

That’s an excellent conflict resolution strategy.

It's simple. By acknowleging issues, you:

• Remove resentments.
• Take away the issues' power to continue causing resentments.
• Mutually define success/failure metrics for how to act with each other going forward.

OTOH, just going back into the band without accepting, acknowleding and fixing the sins of the past would probably restart the resentment-feeding process, while unacknowledged, ownerless issues will resurface and just cause more wreckage.

Sure, I could go back into it with a watchful eye, though I'd rather save myself the time and trouble; It'll end badly. Without first putting all the cards face up on the table, I'd rather not play.

 

[STRMan]

Too soon.

A friend and I formed a band. We were both singing guitarists and songwriters. A year later, I find a phenominal keyboardist and get him to join us. After a spell, both of them quit and form their own much better competing band. This was a slightly more polite way of kicking me out, but in my heart, it was the ultimate betrayal. I was devastated. These guys were my friends. I thought we were in this together. It basically ruined our friendship.

Years later, I'm playing bass in a band with the younger brother of the keyboardist. We are now professional, starting to play the local bar circuit.

My old keyboardist has gone on to graduate Berkeley and become a fairly successful sound engineer. His old band is defunct. In this band our lead singer and I are effectively co-bandleaders, with him booking us gigs, and me running the rehearsals. We start having the keyboardist run sound for us at some of our larger gigs.

The guys in the band want to invite the keyboardist to play with us. Even though I had swore I'd never play with the keyboardist again, enough time has passed that I go along with it. This kicks our band up to another level.

Enough time had passed that I was able to put the old hurts aside. In fact, now that we're rocking the circuit regularly, I see my old friend, the 1st guy I started playing with, showing up at our gigs. One night he's hanging around with is after a gig. One thing leads to another, and me, my lead singer, the keyboardist and this guy start start goofing around with some accapella 4 part harmony stuff. It sounds amazing! We invite this guy to come to our future gigs and we throw a couple of these accapella number in at the beginning of our third set if he's around.

These guys have become my lifelong friends. At the time of the betrayal, I never could have imagined they would, but time healed the old wounds.

If being around this guitarist will be a painful reminder of this betrayal, it just may be too soon. If not, maybe you should give it a go.

 

[Fonkamex]

Ok so in the interest of not making an obnoxiously long and unreadable post, I’m going to give a quick back story to bring you upto speed.

A year and a half ago I got involved with an original arena rock band. I quickly became friends with The guitarist, who is in his late 60s (30 years my elder) and very well traveled musically. Since we were having a heck of a time finding a good singer, we had to go with a singer from a previous lineup that was known for causing trouble and splitting the band up. First he began trying to remove the guitarist for no good reasons, and I stuck up for guitar player and walked back some of the other members.

Shortly after, the attention was put on me. The singer claimed I’m playing wasn’t up to par, which it was, and when that didn’t work it changed to me not being committed enough when he discovered I wasn’t going to jump when he said so.

And he got the guitarist to follow suit. When I realized what was going on I bailed ship. Needless to say, shortly after I was gone, singer got a hard on for the guitarist again. There was a major disruption at a practice, the singer rage quit and put 8 stitches in the bass players head.

Now the drummer who I was always cool with is hinting I should come back. He says the guitarist is beside himself with how stupid he was.

So I’m conflicted. I had a lot of fun with these guys, they have great gear and connections and the guitarist taught me a lot in the time we were together. At the same time it feels like getting back together with someone that cheated on you. Can it ever be the same? Or am I being too trivial?

Personally, I would never get back with a band that treats musicians like that. Self respect is important. There is plenty of good musicians out there who are respectful waiting for an opportunity to play.

 

[TreySonagras]

This is why I prefer playing jazz. No band drama, you play the gig with whatever cats are available. No such thing as practice, you show up at the gig and someone calls tunes and you just play. If anyone acts like a fool they just never get called again.

 

[ChrisB2]

Good Lord folks, it's not a lifetime commitment with a contract...

it's a small group of guys he could (with a clear conscious) walk away from at any time.

If any of them displays any signs of mental/emotional instability, then stroll immediately.

Of course you're not wrong, but this is a clear case of "burn me once, shame on you...."

If the guitarist was also gone, then I would say go for it. But the backstabber is still in this "small group of guys" and for that reason I'm a "oh HAIL no."

 

[JRA]

Everyone sounds pretty divided.

"hell no, leave" = binary, maybe too simplistic. no risk.
"give it another shot" = has potential hazards, but you'd be in control of the risk.

inasmuch as i can tell/vibe from your OP: i'd probably give it another shot. i'd be wiser about things, but i'd want to play with good musicians.

of course, you realize that no one here can give you the best advice for you --- but good luck!

 

[basseux]

Ok so in the interest of not making an obnoxiously long and unreadable post, I’m going to give a quick back story to bring you upto speed.

A year and a half ago I got involved with an original arena rock band. I quickly became friends with The guitarist, who is in his late 60s (30 years my elder) and very well traveled musically. Since we were having a heck of a time finding a good singer, we had to go with a singer from a previous lineup that was known for causing trouble and splitting the band up. First he began trying to remove the guitarist for no good reasons, and I stuck up for guitar player and walked back some of the other members.

Shortly after, the attention was put on me. The singer claimed I’m playing wasn’t up to par, which it was, and when that didn’t work it changed to me not being committed enough when he discovered I wasn’t going to jump when he said so.

And he got the guitarist to follow suit. When I realized what was going on I bailed ship. Needless to say, shortly after I was gone, singer got a hard on for the guitarist again. There was a major disruption at a practice, the singer rage quit and put 8 stitches in the bass players head.

Now the drummer who I was always cool with is hinting I should come back. He says the guitarist is beside himself with how stupid he was.

So I’m conflicted. I had a lot of fun with these guys, they have great gear and connections and the guitarist taught me a lot in the time we were together. At the same time it feels like getting back together with someone that cheated on you. Can it ever be the same? Or am I being too trivial?

You should go to avange the previous bass player.
Then leave again.

 

[Nightsprinter]

This is perhaps more complicated than firing the drummer.

Definitely don’t entertain that singer. But if you do, remember when you throw a punch don’t ball your thumb like John Wayne did. Used to drive my old man crazy, dude was in a bajillion fight scenes and never threw a believable punch.

Hope the other bassist is Ok. Good luck.

My dad made me watch the never-ending fight scene from The Quiet Man too many times

 

[Lloyds on bass]

Whatever city you live in, all bass players know each other .Call one of your bass player friends they will know of a band thats a better fit for you .Life is to short to deal with that stuff .

 

[Fishheadjoe]

of course, you realize that no one here can give you the best advice for you

I can... if you go back to that band, be sure to bring a helmet to rehearsals.
Fishheadjoe

 

[JRA]

I can... if you go back to that band, be sure to bring a helmet to rehearsals.

sure, but to be fair: a "helmet" has only been needed one time!