Can you guys make me laugh?

[username n/a]

Why don't seagulls go by the bay?

Because then they would be bagels.

 

[Hollow Man]

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[Relic]

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[Illbay]

This is legit....

...for a given value of "legit."

 

[Illbay]

Lost your job? What luck, I just found one! I picked it up off the ground outside. It's hardly been chewed! Want it?

 

[CrispyDelicious]

And lets not forget:

 

[Happynoj]

This one gets me every time.



The more you watch it, the funnier it gets.

 

[DanAleks]

A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana State line.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to
Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.

He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunken good old boy from Michigan got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, 'You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.'

 

[DanAleks]

A guy gives his girlfriend a huge box of the finest candy for Valentines day. She looks at him and says “You shouldn’t have”.

He replies, “I know, but I figure what’s one more box of candy to a fat ass like yours”.

 

[cheezewiz]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Possibly the greatest picture ever. My least favorite player, on his knees.....

 

[NJL]

And lets not forget:

i had this one up at the office (and the gym as our fire escape)...

i added the my name and my boss' name on this on... we thought it was cool, i was the winner on this one..

 

[NJL]

oh btw, thanks guys, i woke up to some good stuff!

i have to work out now and wait for my AC repair guy to show up and do some maintenance on my central air unit.

 

[Relic]

hang in there Carlos!

 

[Illbay]

Possibly the greatest picture ever. My least favorite player, on his knees.....

RE: your avatar, I meant to ask: What did you have to pay that cute girl to pose with such an ugly mug?

 

[Barfly]

http://www.break.com/index/drunk-guy-falls-through-shed-roof.html

Does it for me every single time....

 

[cheezewiz]

RE: your avatar, I meant to ask: What did you have to pay that cute girl to pose with such an ugly mug?

She's my daughter. She has no choice.

 

[dave64o]

I texted "show me your boobs" to my friends mom. Again. This is like the third time. :scowl:

Last week I texted my wife but never got a response like I usually do. When I looked in the messaging logs to see if I actually sent it, I saw that I sent it to her mother's phone, which is just below my wife's number in my address book. Thank God it was only mildly suggestive and not something like "show me your boobs"... or worse. If it was about a month earlier I would have been safe, but my son recently taught her to send/read them so I'm assuming she saw it.




And no, you're not getting any MIL pics.











EDIT - Come to think of it, my FIL's number is above my wife's so I should consider myself lucky it didn't go to him! I'm changing my address book layout ASAP.

 

[Illbay]

She's my daughter. She has no choice.

Such a cutey! Her mom's got to be beautiful, since even your, er, "rugged charm" didn't water things down much!

(She reminds me of my own daughter, who's 19. I'm swimming in girls these days; my oldest daughter and her husband are expecting any day now, my first "blood" granddaughter).

 

[Illbay]

Thank God it was only mildly suggestive...

Yeah, fer sher. I'm sure "you wanna get lucky tonight?" just got laughed off, as usual.

 

[D Rokk]

I lost my job.

Make me laugh, i'll make it up to you some day.

sexually?