Cancelled a NYE gig

[elgecko]

Many are hung up on the pay rate, date and function...

Don't forget about the 860 miles round trip in winter factor.

 

[BAG]

So your band mate has plane tickets to the gig, I wonder why he is kicking up a fuss about the airline tickets,
were they provided by the 'to be Wed' friends of the band mate?
What else was in the deal that you weren't told about?

My thoughts exactly. The groom has asked his friend to play at his wedding but "i can't spend much". Friends says "look, fly me and my girl there and back, put us up in a room, some food and drinks, and i'll get the rest of the band to do it for $500"

 

[samson3382]

My thoughts exactly. The groom has asked his friend to play at his wedding but "i can't spend much". Friends says "look, fly me and my girl there and back, put us up in a room, some food and drinks, and i'll get the rest of the band to do it for $500"

Nailed it, I suspect.

 

[Slough Feg Bass]

yeah, no way on that one.
maybe for $500 each, but with rented backline at the gig, and a place to crash afterward.
Other than that, I would have said no way.

Good luck !

 

[Bodeanly]

OP has more patience/ tolerance than I ever have/ will.

 

[Slevage]

Long post warning. I also posted this as a response in another thread but thought maybe it DID deserve its own thread.

-
I just had to deal with an unpleasant and similar situation not worthy of its own thread just yesterday.
A band member booked a friend of his wedding on New Year's Eve, in Portland a few months ago. Didn't check to see if I was available, just booked it, for $500 as far as I know. We are in the Boise area.
At the time, it was far enough out, whatever, I had nothing booked.
Well, about two weeks ago my dad had to have emergency heart surgery. (Went well)I just recently moved, about 5 minutes from my parents place. They both work, and my mom (who has MS and can't do a lot of the everyday things dad normally does) has to work in order to stay afloat while dad is out of commission.
I'm a stay at home dad of 3, with an 8 month old, so I'm more or less free to help out, at the least twice a day, everyday, usually more.
As soon as this came up, I let the band know there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to make it. (I own the PA)

Yesterday it had become evident I would not be able to make it, so I made the call. Of course my bandmate was angry. I explained that I'm just too needed by my family right now. My parents have wood heat only, takes work to keep them warm.
Then he says that he'll be eating it on the plane tickets. I said, "you can still go". Then he explains that his girlfriend and himself were flying to Chicago 5 days prior, then directly to Portland. I still don't understand why that's a factor. (Unless maybe the folks hiring us were covering the ticket costs, which is even more messed up, because that should go in my pocket for sound and travel)

I said sorry, all my siblings live much further away, I already have a full plate as is, family first.
After I got off the phone I started thinking.. (I can be a bit slow)
He was expecting the other band member and myself to haul, (to Portland & back, in the winter, in my personal vehicle) babysit, set up, run, the PA +personal gear (including his) while he flies around playing rockstar. Then he can just walk to the stage and play.
This band had only played non paying opening act gigs prior to me joining about a year ago. How convenient that I joined right after I had a PA given to me. (By my dad by the way)

So yeah, we'll see how things go. Have a local gig this weekend.

With this much notice, he should be able to find a sub ( maybe you could help
him with that)
$500 is decent pay for new years,but throwing the sub an extra $50 or $100 might be in order if he has toput some time in learning tunes.

 

[samson3382]

Many are hung up on the pay rate, date and function. So if the gig was for $5000 should the OP make it work? If it wasn't a wedding? If it was the 4th of April? The OP still can't make the gig because his family comes first. In a pro band it is easier to get a sub and buy your way out of a jam, but this is a hobby band and they have no work around. Family should come 1st but when you are in a band you also have an obligation to honor your commitments when you can. The guy who booked the gig should probably offer to DJ the gig as it is his friends wedding. BTW you can't get a wedding DJ for less than a grand in these parts.

True, the pay really isn't the point.
But it is a factor.
In his attempts to coerce me, he mentioned getting some more money to maybe pay a nearby relative to take a day off work or something not worth the trouble.
(Crazy I know, stay outa my damn biz right?)
I made it clear its not about money, its about me being there.
Which goes back to the potential deceit on his part.

So there's all this flexible money floating around? Why isn't this just all part of our base compensation as a group?

I agreed to do the gig but
I didn't agree to be someone's roadie/road crew/truck driver.

With this much notice, he should be able to find a sub ( maybe you could help
him with that)
$500 is decent pay for new years,but throwing the sub an extra $50 or $100 might be in order if he has toput some time in learning tunes.

Thanks to an awesome talkbass community ive been approached by a band that could do the gig, I can put them in touch, if these folks are serious about a replacement.

 

[alaskaleftybass]

New Years Eve= at least $2000 for the band, especially a wedding gig. Your price for supplying the P.A. and travel plus setup? $1,000.

Don't worry about the loser. Move on. You can probably still get a good priced gig before New Years if you advertise.

Good luck with your family and bless you all.

 

[Munjibunga]

I've run some large organizations over the years with major 24/7 international commitments. My philosophy w all my staff is "family first." To say that my staff enjoyed their work and had each others backs and created a wonderful environment is an understatement.

We are all people first. Some folks don't get that. I have little patience for those folks.

You can do all the figuring you want about playing the bass and your band and all, but your mom and dad (and kids) are what counts. Period. End of story. We're not talking about a paper cut here. Nothing to think about.

As I've tried to point out to many people here, there are companies like that out there. You just have to find them. Mine was another one.

 

[hsech]

No matter what, family is always first. Band's come and go. Friends come and go. Family is forever. Enjoy them while you can. I've lost both parents and my only sister. I wish I had prioritized better in younger years. My kids are grown, but I think I now want to be more a part of their lives than ever. Don't let your family responsibilities EVER be replaced by anything else.

 

[tfer]

Yea right that's a big money gig opportunity that was poorly planned and blown. I wouldn't do it for $500.

It's missing a zero...

 

[Kevan Campbell]

Sounds like you've got some solid advice Samson, but I'd add three points to consider:

- What benefit is there in staying in a band with someone that's this inconsiderate, selfish and/or inexperienced?

- If nobody else in the band wants to drive out there with gear in wintertime for low pay, couldn't your "BL" just hire a local band to back him up and send them the charts/setlist? My buddy is a Latin pop/rock songwriter and did that very thing when he toured the southern U.S. and Mexico, worked beautifully after he carefully vetted the musicians in each town. Added benefit: he'll know a band to share shows with in Portland.

- If all else fails it will be up to your "BL" to either do the gig himself "unplugged" or explain to the bride, mother of the bride, wedding planner and his friend the groom why there's suddenly no music a month away from the wedding. Good luck with that one...

 

[jusca]

Sounds like you've made a good decision to look out for you family first. From your story, you gave adequate notice in pulling out of the gig and the band should be able to adjust accordingly. And I'm not a paid musician or anything but $500 on NYE on a long road trip? I wouldn't roll out of bed for that unless I really, really wanted to do that gig.

 

[Wasnex]

The words wedding, New years eve and $500.00 should never be used in the same sentence. I would ask him if $500.00 was your share since you are talking about almost a 1000 miles round trip.

IMHO $500 is a bit low for even a local new years gig. No way I would travel 1,000 miles for such a gig.

 

[Nev375]

Well, not sure about that, around here Turkey Testicle festivals on the day before Thanksgiving pay mucho dinero, so guess where I will be on Wednesday?!? Best part is that it is an early and short day (2 hours at 6 PM) and it is easily the best pay day that I will have this year. Plus, they don't make you eat the food, unfortunately the smells are free...

*record scratch*

Whoa, wait. Sorry for the derail here... Did you just say "Turkey...Testicle...Festival?"

I'm not sure if I should be more perplexed at the phrase itself or the fact it's 2 pages later and no one else has questioned it...
Please explain. Those three words together are alien to me.

 

[mdogs]

You heard it right, deep fried turkey testicles. I guess people in Missouri are not so enlightened?

 

[MultiScaleMale]

I'd play that gig - and pack a lunch. Heh.

 

[Jay Corwin]

Take care of your loved ones before any silly gig, period.

I had a situation years ago where one of my wife's family members passed suddenly at the age of 30, leaving two children behind. My wife started planning a benefit which I obviously was going to help with. When I explained what was going on, and that I wasn't going to have time to learn new songs for an upcoming gig - I was told something to the effect "Well were playing them whether or not you learn them, so your move". My response....was expletive laden, and I quit. No one deserves that kind of disrespect over some crappy bar gigs.

If someone can't respect your need to take care of family members in these type of situations, especially over a 500 dollar gig - then they are a poor excuse for a human being.

 

[PotsdamBass8]

Reading threads like this reminds me how lucky I am to be in a band of 5 guys who are exactly on the same page in terms of commitment level and all understand how family comes first. The fact that we all really enjoy playing with each other and can actually make pretty good music is even better.

 

[JLY]

Yes logistics. That is something this guy has no concept of. Most gigs he walks up to the stage and plugs his acoustic guitar into a DI. (Belonging to either me or the house)

When he mentioned flying I'm thinking, -yeah if I was even considering it, how about PA, bass rig, the other guys mountain of stuff. It would all fall on the other guy. Real considerate.

BL comes across as selfish
I would not pack up al the gear, transport/unpack/ set up/ pack up/ transport / unpack all the gear and just let him plug in and play

Appears he may have been using you this whole time and took it for granted that you would do it again this time. You have been his personal sound company without having to pay for it

I agree- family first. But even taking that out of it with all the other intangibles - gig simply not worth it.

I would insist on any other gig that he helps with all the gear