Dilemma - What Would You Do?

[Bulldog23]

Hey Guys –
Thanks very much for all of the feedback. I really appreciate it.

Time for an update.

My gut was to play the hired gun gig that I had previously committed to, as my reputation and integrity are very important to me. However, someone had posted the advice to look out for myself first, and that my friend would understand if the decision was going to put my own job in jeopardy. I thought VERY hard about this. After all, this was a sub gig for a band that I have no intention of joining. I invested the past year with this group of musicians, and we sound great together. All career focused musicians.

Having my loyalty questioned was one thing, but it was the ultimatum that really pissed me off.

Things happen for a reason. I thought about all times where my business input went nowhere. I was either ignored, or the manager and singer would try to change my mind with non-stop verbal pummeling. Nothing nasty, but annoying as hell.

The manager sent me a text late Saturday night asking for my decision. I returned the text on Sunday morning and said that I decided to do the gig that I had previously committed to.

The response was UNBELIEVABLE. The manager went ballistic. I received a barrage of nasty texts that were hateful and over the top. All of this over something that should have been no more than a speed bump.

If all was good with the band and had there been no ultimatum, I would have reconsidered and protected my own job. But this response confirmed I was in the wrong group. No more wishful thinking that the music was enough. I resigned.

What followed was even worse. My head is still spinning from countless foul texts and nasty voice mails. I spoke with the manager and lead singer, but neither call ended well. There was no doubt in my mind that this was unsalvageable, and it was time to move on.

Then…..complete reversal. The remainder of the day I received another barrage of texts and VM’s pleading that we could work this out. Begging me to reconsider. Hours on end of this... relentless.

If you followed my other posting “Band Manager as Band Member,” you know that the manager wanted to have an agreement drafted that would bind us all legally. After seeing how this situation was handled, I can only imagine how ugly things would have become. Like I said, things happen for a reason. Even though I’m fried and sad, I bear no hard feelings towards my former bandmates or the manager.

Lots of lessons learned here. Time to continue my career.

 

[lowfreq33]

Good for you man. You'll learn as you go on that people like that will never get anywhere. Doesn't matter how good someone is, if they're unpleasant to work with they'll eventually run out of people who are willing to.

 

[colcifer]

Well, at least you now know how avoid this sort of thing in the future. Good luck.

Also: no pics, no texts from crazy "manager"

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Good to hear you chewed your leg out of that bear trap. Don't take this too harshly, but I think the reason they are begging you to come back right now is because they know it's going to be impossible to find a new bassist who be as willing as you were to put up with all their crap for as long as you did.

 

[2behead]

I would say " stick to my word" You notified the booking agent. The rest of Your band was out of town. for 1 to 3 months. Honestly if they don't understand that then F-em. If your friends can find a replacement that is one thing but you can't leave then high and dry. This is a crappy spot to be in. Good luck

 

[Pilgrim]

Question -
Do I play the dates with my main band and bail on the commitment I had already made for the hired gun gigs (and potentially burn a bridge with a friend,) or do I stick by my word?

This is extremely easy for me to answer.

You did right to play the fill-in gig, no question.

Your band made a commitment to you: they were gone...out of town...for at least a month. At that point, you were free to act as you saw fit...including scheduling your own time.

You made a commitment to fill in. You are not only entitled to fulfill that obligation, it would be wrong to back out.

There is no possible way they were entitled to ask you to cancel. They made it clear they would not be in town. you made other plans. The message to them: tough toenails.

There's the right thing to do as a human being, and then there's the right thing to do as a musician.

You already know the right one as a human being, but as a musician, you simply *must* do the gig with your band. That's the bridge you don't want to burn.

This is completely wrong. There is NO difference between what's right for you as a human being and as a musician. If you have any ethics, you follow through with your commitments. Whether it's your everyday business or music, a commitment is a commitment. The reason so many people complain about musicians is that they think their world is different, but it's not. When you make a commitment, you follow through with it. Your band manager is completely out of line, and sounds borderline psychotic. I darn sure wouldn't ever do business with that person again.

 

[FrednBass]

You should make them beg on their knees.

 

[Pilgrim]

You should make them beg on their knees.

No, they're old business now, and firmly in your rear view mirror. What's more, you may end up playing with one or more of them in future groups.

You made a good move to get out of that group and away from the manager.

Move on with life and don't add to the antagonism that already exists.

 

[fingerbun]

No, they're old business now, and firmly in your rear view mirror. What's more, you may end up playing with one or more of them in future groups.

You made a good move to get out of that group and away from the manager.

Move on with life and don't add to the antagonism that already exists.

Probably true. Though having drawn a line, if you love the music and the people there is always the possibility to negotiate a clear structure on which you would stay with them.

The position where you are prepared to walk away unless you get what you want is a good one to negotiate from, and if you don't overplay your hand, you might be able to get somewhere.

 

[Nugun]

I say good call OP. I, IMO, think you made the best choice available to you in the situation. And to top it off you handled it with maturity and respect (or so is implied) and that's more than can be said about the buffoons who you at one point called band mates. Either way I hope your musical career pans out better in the future. Better to get the nut jobs and obsessive control-freaks out of the way when you're young and restless in my opinion.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Given the managers response, I wouldn't go back to them even if we could work out an insane deal that benefited me in every way. There's no excuse for them to accost him over sticking to his previous commitment. They moved away, he said he was doing the gig, and despite that they believe they can come back and bully the OP into doing what they want to do? Psh. Good riddance.