Drummer has joined a second band...

[TreySonagras]

Years ago I got asked to play with a big band. I played one rehearsal and one gig and really enjoyed it. After that one gig I didn't hear from them again. I moved on to several other bands and forgot about it. Over a year later I got a call from the big band leader telling me we had a gig the next night...where to go, what to wear, etc. I stopped him and said I already had a gig the next night.
He went on a tirade about how he couldn't believe I quit his band without telling him and how I was letting all the guys down. I thought he was kidding at first but he was dead serious. His band played once a year and he expected the members to be loyal.
I just told him to F.O and had a good laugh.

 

[DirtDog]

We're a three piece originals grunge band trying to make our way locally. Turns out, the drummer got fed up of waiting for us to progress and has joined a second band, a rock cover band.

My initial response was, good for you. I've also been very fed up with this band because we have to rely on someone who is completely unreliable, but he is the source of all music (guitarist, vocalist, song writer). He's finally had the kick up the arse he's needed to finish the vocals on our EP - one year later - which is good news.

We're meeting up at the pub tonight to discuss how/if we're going to proceed. He's now signed up for a rehearsal every Wednesday with the cover band and has 15 gigs booked apparently. The guitarist and I are on the same side now, we don't think he should have joined the cover band. The worst bit is they've been friends for years, and the drummer didn't even discuss the possibility with the guitarist.

Apologies for the rant, it's just a PITA situation probably without a resolution! I'm expecting the drummer to either quit tonight, or we might have to ask him to leave. Whether he'll leave gracefully or be a dick about it I don't know, but I'm expecting the latter. I'm expecting him to claim ownership of the songs and say we shouldn't play them, record them etc.

My suggestion is that give him a chance, see how many practices he makes after this, see how his gigs cause us problems etc. We'll see!

No sin committed here. Being in a band is hardly a monogamous relationship.

When I was playing out regularly, I always had at least two projects on the go. Not to be disloyal or hedging bets but to just keep busy playing. Be glad that your drummer hasn't just up and quit your group. He just wants to play and since you guys aren't doing anything, he's going to be able to keep his chops up easily.

I'd suggest you get yourself a second project for the same reason.

When your musical genius comes back around, he can work around your other bands' schedules.

 

[Samatza]

So maybe just get together and discuss this like adults. No one has ownership of anyone else, you can either collaborate or not.

These things start with someone asking you to either fill in or go to a rehearsal, just a casual thing and then if things click they say "we've got a steady stream of gigs, do you want to be part of the band"? At that point if you've been working on an EP for 12 months and getting nowhere you may just take it to see where it goes or to pick up some extra cash or just to get out and play more than a few originals.

Surely you can discuss this without it getting out of hand.

 

[Jonathan Couper]

My main band is a five-piece cover.

I'm the backup bassist in another four-piece cover. Our drummer also plays in a four-piece cover/originals. Our keyboard has occasion gigs in another cover band. I also play in a jazz trio, a monthly jazz improv group, and an occasional classical gig.

Unless your band is gigging twice a week, and breaking in to a large fan base, you really can't expect him to turn down work.

That extra playing will also make him a better drummer!

 

[delta7fred]

What took him so long, and why aren't you already in another?

Edit - A year is way too long to be waiting for someone to pull their finger out and get their act together.

 

[bearfoot]

A year to record vocals .... for an EP.....??????

Face it, this originals band will never play a live show - that is almost guaranteed - and probably won't even release the EP. Sorry.

If you want to play shows, you'll have to do the same.

 

[lermgalieu]

OP is clearly not getting the empathy he expected lol.

 

[LuckyScott]

"If I'm reading this right, you're not recording, you're not gigging, and you aren't making any progress toward either.
Exactly what is it drummer's other project is keeping you from?"


This! You guys are the slackers, he is just doing what needs to be done.

 

[40Hz]

And I think your viewpoint on this is, by far, the exception rather than the rule among working pros. At least it is around here in 2020. It wasn't in 1985 but, as I learned the hard way, things have changed.

If it is the exception, or somebody chooses to disagree with me, I’m good with that. No need to get obliquely insulting, or drop the “among working pros” jab, or remind me of what year it is and isn’t. I’m just sharing my viewpoint. I’m not asking you or anybody else to agree with me. Nor condemning anyone who feels differently. I am simply participating in what I thought was an interesting and friendly conversation.

Anyway I guess I’ll leave it to you and the other working pros since I’m supposedly clearly in the minority, not a pro (depending on how you define ‘pro’), and unintentionally ruffling some feathers despite taking pains to say I don’t have a problem with whatever somebody else believes or feels they have to do. I have all I can do dealing with my own actions. I have neither the time nor the interest in trying to dictate somebody else’s.

I’m out. Carry on.

Cheers!

 

[Shalto]

Actually, it's nobody's business what I decide to do with the rest of my free time. I would no more think about this as being "secretive" than I would if I were deciding to commit additional free time to some other hobby. It sounds like your guitarist is being somewhat over-controlling, which, for me, would be the nail in that coffin.

Right now I'm working with four different projects and I sure didn't beg for permission before deciding to be involved with any of them.

Agree. If you want to control what someone is doing with their time, then you owe them wages.

 

[Pilgrim]

If I'm reading this right, you're not recording, you're not gigging, and you aren't making any progress toward either.
Exactly what is it drummer's other project is keeping you from?

^^This. As the old saying goes, perform the function or exit the facility.

I know plenty of musicians who play in more than one band at the same time. All it means is schedule management.

You sure don't own him if your band isn't doing anything yet. And I'd hate to bet on it ever doing so, given the history to date.

 

[Shalto]

Only issue I have is that the drummer could have let all of you know he was looking for other work.

Seems you have an intelligent drummer.... I'd try to make him happy any way possible.

Imo while you might tell band mates what you are doing the rest of the week there is no obligation to. It's his time he can do whatever he likes with it. I don't call up the boss at my day job and tell them what I'm doing on Sunday afternoon

 

[dbsfgyd1]

We're a three piece originals grunge band trying to make our way locally. Turns out, the drummer got fed up of waiting for us to progress and has joined a second band, a rock cover band.

My initial response was, good for you. I've also been very fed up with this band because we have to rely on someone who is completely unreliable, but he is the source of all music (guitarist, vocalist, song writer). He's finally had the kick up the arse he's needed to finish the vocals on our EP - one year later - which is good news.

We're meeting up at the pub tonight to discuss how/if we're going to proceed. He's now signed up for a rehearsal every Wednesday with the cover band and has 15 gigs booked apparently. The guitarist and I are on the same side now, we don't think he should have joined the cover band. The worst bit is they've been friends for years, and the drummer didn't even discuss the possibility with the guitarist.

Apologies for the rant, it's just a PITA situation probably without a resolution! I'm expecting the drummer to either quit tonight, or we might have to ask him to leave. Whether he'll leave gracefully or be a dick about it I don't know, but I'm expecting the latter. I'm expecting him to claim ownership of the songs and say we shouldn't play them, record them etc.

My suggestion is that give him a chance, see how many practices he makes after this, see how his gigs cause us problems etc. We'll see!

i think it’s fair to ask about his commitment to your band. Make sure you ask him to be candid and hope he’s straight shooter.

 

[LBS-bass]

If it is the exception, or somebody chooses to disagree with me, I’m good with that. No need to get obliquely insulting, or drop the “among working pros” jab, or remind me of what year it is and isn’t. I’m just sharing my viewpoint. I’m not asking you or anybody else to agree with me. Nor condemning anyone who feels differently. I is as simply participating in what I thought was an interesting and friendly conversation.

Anyway I guess I’ll leave itvto you and the other working pros since I’m supposedly clearly in the minority, not a pro (depending on how you define ‘pro’), and unintentionally ruffling some feathers despite taking pains to say I don’t have a problem with whatever somebody else believes or feels they have to do. I have all I can do dealing with my own actions. I have neither the time nor the interest in trying to dictate somebody else’s.

I’m out. Carry on.

Cheers!

Well, you felt like you had to tell me twice, so at that point, gloves are always gonna be off with me. A respectful conversation goes like this: Opinion 1 stated, Opinion 2 stated, both parties say something like, that's interesting but I disagree, and it's over, no one needs to "right fight" or hammer anything home. Reiterating the same points and digging at my choice of words (project rather than band) is not respectful, but it definitely invites the full force of my unvarnished opinion. Which I gave.

If you wanna kiss and make up, I'm all for it. I don't like arguing with you, most of the time I agree with everything you have to say.

 

[ZedLepp]

In honor of one of my favorite In Living Color skits Hey Mon....

Boy, what you mean you only play in one band. I did three gigs before lunch today.
Oh, gotta get to the gig.......

 

[TheReceder]

Imo while you might tell band mates what you are doing the rest of the week there is no obligation to. It's his time he can do whatever he likes with it. I don't call up the boss at my day job and tell them what I'm doing on Sunday afternoon

There's plenty of jobs that if you work for one company, you'd be fired if you went to work part time for a competitor.

Notice, I said the drummer "could" have let them know. To me that's the classier thing to do.

 

[pcake]

sounds like you guys have stockholm syndrome. there's no reason not to play with a second band - doing so doesn't make anyone disloyal, mean or unmotivated. it's a band, not a religious group, a marriage or the mob.

I finally think the guitarist is in a position to pull his socks up. In short, once the EP is recorded I'll be able to organise gigs and therefore we will progress. We did play a few gigs late last year, but with nothing to offer any possible fans it has been difficult to offer a follow up.

In the round, I do agree with you, but we're all passionate about the project and the EP is absolutely key to that.



Yeah you're probably right. He is extremely unreliable. He and I are generally in agreement, but his inability to record his vocals has pushed me to my limit.

I don't disagree with either of you there, but the I think the guitarist might have come to his senses a little more if the drummer had spoken to him about it first. As I say, they're good friends...he's secretly gone and joined this band.

We don't think he'll have enough time to contribute to our band any more. I understand his reasons and they make good sense, but he's sort of killing one band that's his passion project to play for another.

you'd like to believe the guitarist might have come to his senses. i've been there, done that, and in my experiences, they always make claims that they never fulfill.

your drummer isn't killing the band. if you have gigs he passes on, that could be a problem, but if i were in a passion project, i'd be doing everything i could to move it along to go as far as it could go as soon as possible BECAUSE i felt that passion.

leave the drummer alone. he hasn't done anything wrong. he just may not believe the guitar player's claims - the same way i don't. perhaps if those claims are delivered upon, the drummer's passion may return.

 

[Shalto]

There's plenty of jobs that if you work for one company, you'd be fired if you went to work part time for a competitor.

Notice, I said the drummer "could" have let them know. To me that's the classier thing to do.

Agree it's classier but no obligations. Companies that won't let you work for a competitor tend to actually pay you a wage as their end of honouring the contract. I think that's apples to this band's oranges (of course there are actual contract jobs in music but the OP's situation doesn't sound like it's generating revenue so I doubt there are contracts).

 

[LBS-bass]

Agree it's classier but no obligations. Companies that won't let you work for a competitor tend to actually pay you a wage as their end of honouring the contract. I think that's apples to this band's oranges (of course there are actual contract jobs in music but the OP's situation doesn't sound like it's generating revenue so I doubt there are contracts).

I always love the people who compare being in a band to being at a day job. When the band pays my bills, I'll act like it matters as much as a day job.

 

[TheReceder]

Has anyone actually said that the drummer was out of line for joining a second band? Seems to me the only argument is how he let (or didn't let) the band know.

When I've been in that situation, I just let people know what I was doing and made sure everyone knew that any gig conflicts were based on first come first served. If they weren't happy with the situation, find someone else to play, be it temporary, or permanent.