yeah, after years on TB I'm dreading the fact that I am now posting my own thread about drummer issues. Due to the emotional attachment I think I need outside views for clarity sake. This is the most recent story, he has a back story 10 miles long and disappeared on us the first time we broke up 6 years ago without much of a reason or a word. This was at the same time when he was supposed to be a groomsman in my wedding. We've forgiven him for that but anyways, I digress.
We're an original band and we've been playing together for nearly 11 years off and on. The drummer has been like my little brother and is usually a really good friend. He's got some emotional issues and definitely has no control over where he puts his pen!s. for instance, this rather new booking agent has been hooking us up with a lot of good shows the last few months. Turns out, it's because he banged her! But I'd like to think it's also because we really are one of the better original acts in town and we bring people. She is so nasty that she doesn't even register as a female to the rest of us.
He has had a history of arrests, DUI's and the such but over the last year he has generally put that behind him and has definitely matured and stayed out of trouble. He has a steady job that pays him decent (even though child support (2 kids, 2 mommas) then sucks him dry) but he is constantly missing practice/rehearsals because he has to "work late". I think he's just exhausted from work most of the time. But even when he shows up we only get a good hour and a half with him before he's telling us he only has 1 song left in him before bed time. He does have to be at work at 5am though. gets defensive that if he falls asleep at work he could lose a finger. ok but still. we're all working stiffs that make sacrifices and put the time in.
The part that makes it difficult is that he is a founding member from 11 years ago and has always been our drummer. He's also one of the best drummers in town and doesn't necessarily need much time at all to pick up a new song, contribute, and play it like he's played it a million times.
Last week he missed practice on Monday. "Had to work late" was the text we got. Then Wednesday he showed up at the rehearsal space and only brought the hardware that didn't belong to him. He told us that all of his equipment was in his girlfriend's car at work and that he had to go get it. What doesn't make sense is that he only used one car to transport all of that equipment from the show that weekend so why is it now split between cars? We openly encourage and most of us do play with other bands for cash, fun, etc. so that can't be it. He never returned to practice that night, never answered any calls or texts. nothing. we were calling him all the rest of the week and weekend with not much of a word from him. He texts our guitarist on Friday saying he was arrested for an out of state warrant for food stamp fraud. then we didn't hear from him until just a minute ago.
Over the weekend we were fed up and contacted a half dozen of the best drummers we knew in town and so far 4 really amazing and professional drummers have enthusiastically agreed to come jam and try out with us. We have shows lined up that we can't just cancel.
Well, Mr. Drummer calls me and tells me that he was in jail (for just 6 hrs that Wed night) due to the out of state food stamp fraud warrant but his lawyer and the local police confirmed it was because someone stole his identity. That is his story. Says he's feeling better and had just been really depressed the last few days and he asks when we're jamming this week.
I feel like I stepped in it a bit and I kind of feel bad here. But I don't want to look like a douche for cancelling these jams with these amazing drummers over the course of the next week. some are really excited about it and could be an upgrade. I'm excited to play with some of these guys too!
Goodness, what do I do here? I know it seems obvious but the emotional attachment makes this tough.
We're an original band and we've been playing together for nearly 11 years off and on. The drummer has been like my little brother and is usually a really good friend. He's got some emotional issues and definitely has no control over where he puts his pen!s. for instance, this rather new booking agent has been hooking us up with a lot of good shows the last few months. Turns out, it's because he banged her! But I'd like to think it's also because we really are one of the better original acts in town and we bring people. She is so nasty that she doesn't even register as a female to the rest of us.
He has had a history of arrests, DUI's and the such but over the last year he has generally put that behind him and has definitely matured and stayed out of trouble. He has a steady job that pays him decent (even though child support (2 kids, 2 mommas) then sucks him dry) but he is constantly missing practice/rehearsals because he has to "work late". I think he's just exhausted from work most of the time. But even when he shows up we only get a good hour and a half with him before he's telling us he only has 1 song left in him before bed time. He does have to be at work at 5am though. gets defensive that if he falls asleep at work he could lose a finger. ok but still. we're all working stiffs that make sacrifices and put the time in.
The part that makes it difficult is that he is a founding member from 11 years ago and has always been our drummer. He's also one of the best drummers in town and doesn't necessarily need much time at all to pick up a new song, contribute, and play it like he's played it a million times.
Last week he missed practice on Monday. "Had to work late" was the text we got. Then Wednesday he showed up at the rehearsal space and only brought the hardware that didn't belong to him. He told us that all of his equipment was in his girlfriend's car at work and that he had to go get it. What doesn't make sense is that he only used one car to transport all of that equipment from the show that weekend so why is it now split between cars? We openly encourage and most of us do play with other bands for cash, fun, etc. so that can't be it. He never returned to practice that night, never answered any calls or texts. nothing. we were calling him all the rest of the week and weekend with not much of a word from him. He texts our guitarist on Friday saying he was arrested for an out of state warrant for food stamp fraud. then we didn't hear from him until just a minute ago.
Over the weekend we were fed up and contacted a half dozen of the best drummers we knew in town and so far 4 really amazing and professional drummers have enthusiastically agreed to come jam and try out with us. We have shows lined up that we can't just cancel.
Well, Mr. Drummer calls me and tells me that he was in jail (for just 6 hrs that Wed night) due to the out of state food stamp fraud warrant but his lawyer and the local police confirmed it was because someone stole his identity. That is his story. Says he's feeling better and had just been really depressed the last few days and he asks when we're jamming this week.
I feel like I stepped in it a bit and I kind of feel bad here. But I don't want to look like a douche for cancelling these jams with these amazing drummers over the course of the next week. some are really excited about it and could be an upgrade. I'm excited to play with some of these guys too!
Goodness, what do I do here? I know it seems obvious but the emotional attachment makes this tough.
