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Dueling loyalties

If you saw my thread about Tennessee Whiskey, you know one of her beefs.

Cool, thanks for the detail. I actually think now that you two talked like grownups, the fragile lilly won't relapse. She knows she's, in a way, on notice. Well, if she can get fully over her thing with that song, that is.

Now, that song: and don't take this wrong, it's my opinion and taste, and I know I'm way behind the times for not keeping up with so-called country music, but SERIOUSLY? All this was over that lousy modern remake of a mediocre David Allan Coe song? (Not like they're fighting over Bridge Over Troubled Waters or sumthin' ) I guess it must really "speak" to her, must've been really big on the radio or something. (Is radio still in existence?) Or maybe the video that went with it was really good. I just don't get it, but again, personal taste, and mine is admittedly stuck somewhere around 1973.

On a side note, doesn't matter now, but IME sometimes keys guys (and horn guys) can get a rep as not team players. I think it's because they largely approach music and being in bands in a fundamentally different way than us geetar players. Not to mention drummers and singers. On the whole, keys and horn folks are generally more formally educated than the rest of us and the nature of their parts in a song tend to be more laid out and straightforward. Plus they, rightfully so, have little patience for sitting around waiting for others to work out parts, etc. That and they can usually have their pick of gigs. All that can combine in some folks to seem like they're not team players. Just my two cents, FWIW.

Flame retardant suit in place...
 
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Cool, thanks for the detail. I actually think now that you two talked like grownups, the fragile lilly won't relapse. She knows she's, in a way, on notice. Well, if she can get fully over her thing with that song, that is.

Now, that song: and don't take this wrong, it's my opinion and taste, and I know I'm way behind the times for not keeping up with so-called country music, but SERIOUSLY? All this was over that lousy modern remake of a mediocre David Allan Coe song? I guess it must really "speak" to her, must've been really big on the radio or something. (Is radio still in existence?) Or maybe the video that went with it was really good. I just don't get it, but again, personal taste, and mine is admittedly stuck somewhere around 1973.

On a side note, doesn't matter now, but IME sometimes keys guys (and horn guys) can get a rep as not team players. I think it's because they largely approach music and being in bands in a fundamentally different way than us geetar players. Not to mention drummers and singers. On the whole, keys and horn folks are generally more formally educated than the rest of us and the nature of their parts in a song tend to be more laid out and straightforward. Plus they, rightfully so, have little patience for sitting around waiting for others to work out parts, etc. That and they can usually have their pick of gigs. All that can combine in some folks to seem like they're not team players. Just my two cents, FWIW.

Flame retardant suit in place...

Oh I agree. And I'll tack on one more.throw in that it's common for piano players to play and sing with no band at all.

It takes a special keys guy to not railroad a band.
 
On a sidenote, it actually left me biased about women in the band. It would take a lot for me to agree to join another female fronted band.
I think women talk things over instinctively, men not so much. We don’t talk enough when it comes to conflict. Respectful discussion and active listening without name calling will resolve most problems even if the outcome is to agree to disagree. The divorce rate would be a lot less if we as a species, could get that together. Caring takes effort. Walking away is easy.
 
My second band has a woman in it and now I’m not sure I’d ever want to be in a band without at least one woman. Keeps all the guys from acting like macho d!ckheads.

I'm sorry but it's not the woman's fault if a man acts like an a**h*l*e to impress her. Maybe your bandmates have some internal masculine insecurities to deal with...

Usually, if the guys in the band are adults, that macho BS keeps out the door....I play in a band with a female singer/frontwoman and we never had a problem...some new band members tried to score a point in front of her at first...but when they realice that this kind of behavior isn't the rule inside the male part of the band, they stop acting like an inmature teenager.
 
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I'm sorry but it's not the woman's fault if a man acts like an a**h*l*e to impress her. Maybe your bandmates have some internal masculine insecurities to deal with...

Usually, if the guys in the band are adults, that macho BS keeps out the door....I play in a band with a female singer/frontwoman and we never had a problem...some new band members tried to score a point in front of her at first...but when they realice that this kind of behavior isn't the rule inside the male part of the band, they stop acting like an inmature teenager.
I’ve worked with my wife (she’s the BL) since the late ‘80s in a few different bands and she has no problems with musicians as long as they know what they’re doing. Being the singer and songwriter and having considerable talent and ability, she gets respect from everyone. Never any dramas. Before that I also worked with female singers usually and I prefer it that way. Female creative sensibilities balance things up and provide a different approach and it doesn’t hurt the cave man in us all to learn how that works for the benefit of all.
 
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I'm sorry but it's not the woman's fault if a man acts like an a**h*l*e to impress her.
I'm pretty sure, if you re-read the message you quoted, you'll see that @4 Strings Good said he values having a woman in the band because it actually reduces the macho stuff. Don't be so anxious to demonstrate your feminist cred.
 
Regarding females in a band. I have played with a great young lady who was wonderful. I have also played with plenty of male jerks of every ego spectrum. The controling PA guy, the gods gift lead singer the blaring lead guitar guy that threw mindless solos in weird places. So don't be hating on the girls -there are plenty of crazy guys out their too.
but also crazy girls -life if a box of chocolates with bands. You never know what you are going to get.
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I think women talk things over instinctively, men not so much. We don’t talk enough when it comes to conflict. Respectful discussion and active listening without name calling will resolve most problems even if the outcome is to agree to disagree. The divorce rate would be a lot less if we as a species, could get that together. Caring takes effort. Walking away is easy.

There was no conflict really, just so much drama. She would burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Drummer had a newyears eve party with a bunch of musicians just jamming. She was upstairs crying because we weren't playing anything she knew. Also she was the other guitar players girlfriend so that added to it as well. The final straw for me was when we talked about doing Hotel California. I was psyched because we were going to do the live version and I was gonna play classical guitar on it. Then after a phone conversation that I was not involved in, I was told she was going to sing it. The other vocalist had the PERFECT voice for that song. I came on practice day and just loaded my stuff into my car and never looked back.
 
There was no conflict really, just so much drama. She would burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Drummer had a newyears eve party with a bunch of musicians just jamming. She was upstairs crying because we weren't playing anything she knew. Also she was the other guitar players girlfriend so that added to it as well. The final straw for me was when we talked about doing Hotel California. I was psyched because we were going to do the live version and I was gonna play classical guitar on it. Then after a phone conversation that I was not involved in, I was told she was going to sing it. The other vocalist had the PERFECT voice for that song. I came on practice day and just loaded my stuff into my car and never looked back.
Sounds like a nightmare. I’ve never run across anything quite like that. Not much else you could do there. Her behaviour sounds irrational.
 
Another update!


So, we got together tonight. Everyone was all smiles. I could tell she was nervous. I could tell the guitar player (who knew all the drama) was watching the three of us to see if anything exploded.

Then we started playing.

Then we started singing.

Then we started laughing, and smiling, and fist bumping, and hugging, and singing, and laughing, and cutting up, and playing, and collaborating, and harmonizing, and joking, and playing, amd eating brownies she had brought, and eating cookies my daughters brought up to the jam room and having a couple beers and singing and playing and laughing..... I got hot so when we took five I jumped in the pool... toweled off and away we went again....

We had a blast.

This new drummer has a pocket a mile wide.

The harmonies are ridiculous.

The guitar player is smoking good.

One by one they left my house.

She was left in my driveway after everyone else had left.

She shed one tear.

She gave me a big hug.

She said "Thank you".

And she drove away.

Good times.

Next rehearsal is Monday.

This is one really freaking good local bar band.

This is one potentially depressing situation that turned around 180 degrees.

I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.... ;)

Thanks for sharing with me.
 
Another update!


This is one really freaking good local bar band.

This is one potentially depressing situation that turned around 180 degrees.

I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.... ;)

Thanks for sharing with me.

Okay, you’re making me want to take a trip down east soon. Where do you guys play, in a general sense of the eastern part of the state? (Do you still teach any? I can’t find squat in the central area.)
 
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Okay, you’re making me want to take a trip down east soon. Where do you guys play, in a general sense of the eastern part of the state? (Do you still teach any? I can’t find squat in the central area.)

Well, we are all family and career people. So the goal isn't a booked up schedule. Our stated intent has been "a couple shows a month or so".

My goals have, however, shifted to better shows than a "hunnerd a head" gigs. We'll do a few of those to work out all the kinks. But then, who knows? This band could go private/corporate right out of the gate as soon as we expand our repertoire.

At present the only show on the books is one little bar in Washington, NC. But I asked for emails of blackout dates last night. I'll be making some calls this week.

To be ready for the first gig (after all the drama) we are, unfortunately, having to sprinkle in a few of the "dad band"/"mom rock" songs I hate (just because we all knew them). But I have a feeling the setlist for this band will quickly transform into something better and more unique.