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Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

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#801
And one from the serious art music side...

WANTED: CONSUMPTIVE SOPRANO to play in new Verdi production. Modern audiences demand realism in their operas, and our attempts to stage Traviata with healthy Violettas have met with indifferent success at best. Please do not apply if you are not already knocking on death’s door. Reasonable medical bills paid. McKees Rocks Opera & Singing Telegram Co., McKees Rocks.
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http://drboli.wordpress.com/2010/02/08/advertisement-454/
 
#804
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Date: 2010-02-09, 5:49PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Original Band Looking for Drummer, Bassist & Keyboardist
Must be 20-23 Years Of Age!!
Send demos, recordings, links or videos to [email protected]
Genres : Rock/Punk/Pop/Alternative/Reggae/Metal
Must be willing to play shows and do this professionally.

People failing to respond to this posting seriously will be reported!!!!!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1593696419
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to which another one replies

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Date: 2010-02-09, 6:13PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

'Original band seeking Drummer, Bassist & Keyboardist'? When your looking for this many musicians, are you really a band?

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1593731741
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I found it funny anyways
 
#806
I got a good laugh out of this:

These must be some kind of jokes!!!
Reading these ads I get the impression that really in this city instead of musicians there are only hopeless wedding players. Money is the most important thing! That's horrible, just horrible!!! shame!!!
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What are the odds that it was written by a guitarist?
 
#807
Angry singer in need of sometthing to scream at (greece ny)
Date: 2010-02-11, 11:12PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Im getting cooped up and I need to get the **** out of my apartment. I have a pretty aggressive yet sensitive voice and I have a knack for coming up with lyrics on the fly. Conditions for a meeting are that the lighting is low and I am allowed to be drunk. I'll provide my own booze if necessary. I have my own mic and a crappy amp.

influences are as follows and in no particular order: Psychotica, manson, murder city devils, manhole, hole, Doors, Brian Pulito,
 
#809
Well, he's not serious, but he may have a point...

no need to fear anymore, barky the bassist is here (your ears and face)
Date: 2010-02-11, 3:53PM CST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

who? bark? dog? yup.

what? lord master bass player.

when? everywhere son.

i use a 1930's upright bass with a lion head for the headstock. i play it like a regular bass with a really long strap and some locks.

i stack 4 ampeg 8x15's on their sides. i use 4 sunn coliseum 300 heads.

I play nothing but in your face drunk zombie sludge dog bark punk.

i dont use a pick or fingers. i dont slap. i play with my knuckles. sometimes brass knuckles for a cruncy brite sound.

i have played for cows of courage, cattle decapitation, paul mcartney, jay reatard, the black lips, and those black girls.

if you need some sick skillz, hit up your boi with some cash'n'w33333d


* Location: your ears and face
 
#810
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

This guy just kills me.....Not only does he play guitar, he also plays flamingos?

Hello, I am a guitar player. I dont "play at" guitar, I PLAY GUITAR ! Lead, rhythm, slide, steele, bass,acoustic, electric,classical, flamingo,batritone....get the picture ?
I am looking to join a very tight professional cover band that has a grip on making some great music and great cash !
I prefer a cover situation as its sooooooo much easier for me than racking my brain to polish your junk crap originals !

So, to avoid the idiots that live within these files.....
I am Not looking for an original act. Period.
I will not work for a band that rents ANYTHING ! Period.
I will not consider you if you do not have P.A., lighting, rehearsal space,and transport to haul the gear. Period
I will not record for you. Period. (press kits allowed)
I will not travel. Period.
I will not play in a band that does not have an entire nights worth of material learned ! Period

I will make a 1000% effort to the right situation. I will make weekly rehearsals. I will know the material and be prepared to play it as if I wrote it !
I have the best gear money can buy, and I know how to use it. I can learn your entire show in ONE WEEK or less.

If this ad offended anyone, good...your just the type of idiot I'm trying to avoid !
Sound files avail. for qualified bands.
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This came a couple posts later..

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


Many of you fail to realize that playing flamingo is an art form unto itself. Most of the flamingos, like their players can be real temperamental pains in the ass. The upside is, of course, once you have found one that sounds in the proper key you want to play in, is that they are ready and waiting on their own built in stand. I have seen them stand for hours waiting to be blown up the wazoo by those who excel in the craft. Most at Vilas run off nowadays, probably because our new super lead guy has nearly worn them out. So, what is a newbie in the field to do? Practice on the synthetic models! You can find them in trailer parks all over the place, and sure they may not produce the same tone as their live counterparts, but who's gonna know without a true, side by side comparo? If by some chance, you cannot find access to a live or synthetic model, find a chicken - they are close, have a a brighter tone, and when no one is looking, you can choke 'em (another trick I am sure super lead guy knows well).
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#811
Alright so the title was bad enough. Which was:
"recovering alcoholic base player"

I, too, am a recovering alcoholic and other drugs which we won't mention musition, but I play base. Love me some low notes!! I am looking for other like minded musitions who can relly play. Right now my base only has three strings, one is broke--like me--lol, can't remember which one. I have a case for my base and a very good peavey amp that even picks up radio stations! How cool is that? Don't know or care what kind of music, just looking to get out there, at 28 I'm getting kind of old to be discovered (I heard the cut-off is 25), so lets get-r-done! I can play anything, and am quite amazing, even to myself, sometimes. I don't mind playing bars or being around other meth-heads, as long as the drummer is strate! Hit me up, Bros

PS, My girlfriend is kicking me out, so if you have a place to stay, that would be cool! I'm pretty low key-you won't even know I'm there, and I keep the tv low at night.
Location: reddy to play
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my reaction this can't be for real. But, it gave me a good laugh. Especially when he spells musician; musition.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
 
#814
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

LEAD AND RYTHUM TUBA PLAYER (usa)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-02-13, 8:33AM EST
Reply to: see below

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Pittsburghs newest hevey metal Tuba and bagpipe band (BLOWHARD) is seeking lead and rythum tuba player....must know alot of chords , and be able to wear a pink and purple fur lined Barney Speedo. Gigs are all ready booked, vocals a plus. contact: Muuclass Invictis 724.***.**** serious players please!


•Location: usa
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 
#817
I think boredom is gonna have me adding a lot to this thread till I say eff it and go to sleep...
ALT. ROCK BAND IN NEED OF RYTHM,LEAD,AND BASS GUITAIR AND DRUMMER!!!! (St.Pete/Tampa)
Date: 2010-02-12, 7:05PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Okay so it's an alternitive rock band as I said in the title. If you have a really busy schedule and won't be able to make it to practices frequently then don't worry with auditioning, I'm serious about music, but I also want it to be fun so don't worry about being completly serious and uptight all the time! =P Anyways, I'm doing vocals so I need rythm guitair, bass guitair, lead guitair, and a drummer! People who like bands like Paramore, aerosmith, AC/DC , New Found Glory, We THe Kings, ect. will enjoy our music! If you are good at writing music that's deffinantly a plus! I'd like experience, not someone who's just learning. I understand everyone has to start and learn, and I love that you're getting into music but I'm ready to get started and see where we'll end up with this! People 12-17 only please! Reply if you want more info or think you might want to audition!!!

* Location: St.Pete/Tampa
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1598417650
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#818
Mekanic said:
ALT. ROCK BAND IN NEED OF RYTHM,LEAD,AND BASS GUITAIR AND DRUMMER!!!! (St.Pete/Tampa)
Date: 2010-02-12, 7:05PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Okay so it's an alternitive rock band as I said in the title. If you have a really busy schedule and won't be able to make it to practices frequently then don't worry with auditioning, I'm serious about music, but I also want it to be fun so don't worry about being completly serious and uptight all the time! =P Anyways, I'm doing vocals so I need rythm guitair, bass guitair, lead guitair, and a drummer! People who like bands like Paramore, aerosmith, AC/DC , New Found Glory, We THe Kings, ect. will enjoy our music! If you are good at writing music that's deffinantly a plus! I'd like experience, not someone who's just learning. I understand everyone has to start and learn, and I love that you're getting into music but I'm ready to get started and see where we'll end up with this! People 12-17 only please! Reply if you want more info or think you might want to audition!!!

* Location: St.Pete/Tampa
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1598417650
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Child molester....

:hiding:
 
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