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Escaping the "Friends Zone"

#61
Cowsgomoo, you are hideously correct, and hilariously awesome.

It's hard, but you really have to stop caring about what is going to happen. Part of the problem is that guys have been conditioned through countless media outlets (movies, books, tv shows etc) that the guy who gets the girl is quiet, respectful, and when he finds the right girl, unrelenting about his utter love for her. This couldn't be more wrong. People like challanges. A girl isn't going to be smitten by a guy who meets her, and then starts calling her every day, going out of his way to do things for her and will drop everything at the drop of a hat. That's BORING. You have to make the impression that you MIGHT be interested, but make it so they're not 100% sure, (i.e. flirt, joke around, tease them) but at the same time, don't overdo it. There's nothing more painful to watch than some guy who is flirting wayyyy too hard, and the girl is obviously not interested, because once again, it's too easy for them.

In a horribly twisted way, I was TOO good at that. I would flirt and have fun with girls, but I was too shy to actually try anything, so I would always stop short of asking them out. Years later, I would get calls from these girls looking to, "catch up." I would always be told something to the effect of "why did you never ask me out? I used to have such a crush on you, and I thought you felt the same way." I would look at them, smile and laugh politely, and mentally kick myself every time I heard this.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is: Just go for it. If it dosen't work out, you'll be a little embarrassed, but it's not the end of the world.
 
#62
disenchant said:
Because people don't waste time doing something that has no purpose. So cultivating a male's friendship either means she wants to date him or she wants to string him along and use his attention to make herself feel better and also have something to do if all her other guys are busy.

Being friends is a way of getting to know a person to see if they are a potential match. It's just some girls are evil, so you should stay away from those. Thing is, it's hard to tell which ones are evil.

Guys do the same thing. I don't think any guy would bother being friends with me if they weren't interested on some level. There are just fewer guys who do the evil thing this way.
Click to expand...

so then Harry was right, men and women can't just be friends? it's always about the sack? (wow, pun intended, i suppose LOL)
 
#63
cowsgomoo said:
first of all, don't listen to advice from Talkbass inhabitants about women.. you'll get loads of beta male 'just be yourself' type answers that frankly, my mother could give

you need to always flirt with women... because if you try to suddenly change up gears and go from being 'completely non threatening friend' to 'sexual relationship candidate' with no warning, it's so unexpected and surprising, and not usually in a good way...

being mildly flirtatious ALL THE TIME will set you apart from all the other guys who try to 'super-size friendship' (look it up) girls into bed (it doesn't work - ask me how I know)... and it keeps you out of the friend zone

from what you've said, you probably weren't in the friend zone anyway... girls dont invite you back to watch a movie with them unless they're interested.. but you WILL be in the friend zone if you do it twice (you won't get asked a 3rd time)

next time (if there IS a next time), do anything you can escalate physical contact... I don't mean lunge at her with your tongue, I mean get her comfortable with you touching her in a non sexual, non threatening way... I mean stupid things like thumb wrestling, or pretending to read her palm, or make up some premise to measure her hands against yours (tell her she has HUGE hands... great neg) ... playfully push her away etc... anything at all... human beings respond to touch soooo much it's unreal, and being comfortable with your touch does something magical to women

the trouble is that if you suddenly whip out a lot of physical stuff when you were previously a shy guy, it'll seem weird... so you need to be a fun playful touchy feelie guy to begin with

you don't need to do the old cliche 'yawn then put your arm around her', but you do need to be brave and subtly sit closer than you would a guy... if she doesn't move away, you're in

if you find yourselves talking and not watching the movie, it's so obvious she's into you...

touch her hair.. if she doesn't move her head away, you can kiss her.. look from her eyes to her lips and back, then kiss her

even if she went 'eurgh get off me' (she won't), what do you care? your attitude ought to be that you're a great guy, doing her a favour in fact, and it's her loss if she doesn't want to play... plenty others out there who will... that's a bulletproof attitude because a guy who had his choice of women would actually laugh his ass off at being told 'eurgh, get off me!'
Click to expand...


i do all of this when i'm drunk. it happened a couple weeks ago actually, and i usually do way better with the ladies when i'm drunk, i think its mainly because i have no shame. they think i'm pretty funny when i'm sober anyways, but i think its more in that *******-jerk kinda way, my problem is whenever i drink i end up blacking out and the next thing i know i'm sitting under a stairwell for over an hour while its freezing cold calling up my "friend" the DD because he forgot to give me my keys back so i can't get into my room...yeah. and then i have to hear about all the stuff i did the next day...but anyways, friend zone sucks. let the alcohol do the work.

or pierce your wang. that could work too. :p
 
#66
cowsgomoo said:
first of all, don't listen to advice from Talkbass inhabitants about women.. you'll get loads of beta male 'just be yourself' type answers that frankly, my mother could give

you need to always flirt with women... because if you try to suddenly change up gears and go from being 'completely non threatening friend' to 'sexual relationship candidate' with no warning, it's so unexpected and surprising, and not usually in a good way...

being mildly flirtatious ALL THE TIME will set you apart from all the other guys who try to 'super-size friendship' (look it up) girls into bed (it doesn't work - ask me how I know)... and it keeps you out of the friend zone

from what you've said, you probably weren't in the friend zone anyway... girls dont invite you back to watch a movie with them unless they're interested.. but you WILL be in the friend zone if you do it twice (you won't get asked a 3rd time)

next time (if there IS a next time), do anything you can escalate physical contact... I don't mean lunge at her with your tongue, I mean get her comfortable with you touching her in a non sexual, non threatening way... I mean stupid things like thumb wrestling, or pretending to read her palm, or make up some premise to measure her hands against yours (tell her she has HUGE hands... great neg) ... playfully push her away etc... anything at all... human beings respond to touch soooo much it's unreal, and being comfortable with your touch does something magical to women

the trouble is that if you suddenly whip out a lot of physical stuff when you were previously a shy guy, it'll seem weird... so you need to be a fun playful touchy feelie guy to begin with

you don't need to do the old cliche 'yawn then put your arm around her', but you do need to be brave and subtly sit closer than you would a guy... if she doesn't move away, you're in

if you find yourselves talking and not watching the movie, it's so obvious she's into you...

touch her hair.. if she doesn't move her head away, you can kiss her.. look from her eyes to her lips and back, then kiss her

even if she went 'eurgh get off me' (she won't), what do you care? your attitude ought to be that you're a great guy, doing her a favour in fact, and it's her loss if she doesn't want to play... plenty others out there who will... that's a bulletproof attitude because a guy who had his choice of women would actually laugh his ass off at being told 'eurgh, get off me!'
Click to expand...

Best advice I've heard in a long time. Everything makes sense.

Thanks to all who gave replies! I'll let you all know how it goes next time, haha.
 
#69
Todd Stanley said:
You don't know that you're in the friend zone, she might have been opening the doorway you fool. Next time look for signals, and if you go for it and she says "no just friends" then be like "not gonna happen, sorry, there's a physical attraction there on top of the friendship" and if that means you gotta leave, then so be it. You have to be willing to sacrifice the friendship for the relationship, even if it means having neither in the immediate future.
Click to expand...

+1. I can totally relate to this quote.
 
#71
Isn't this what LiveJournal is for? :o

There is no such thing as the friend zone. I've know guys who have been friends with a girl for years, and then hook up with her. It's all on you dude. If you've made a terrible first impression and handled things poorly from then on out, it will be difficult/impossible to recover - you have been 'friend zoned.'

However if you play it cool and confident, you should be able to swoop in whenever you want. Even if she's someone you've known since childhood, if she's single and you've played your cards right, a few drinks is all it will take.
 
#72
Escaping the Friend Zone?
There's only one word for this dilemma: Elowell.

Your best bet is to just start over with someone new, but this time open the testosterone valve full blast. Save your real personality for some other time. Trust me, I just learned this lesson.
 
#73
Ericman197 said:
There is no such thing as the friend zone. I've know guys who have been friends with a girl for years, and then hook up with her. It's all on you dude. If you've made a terrible first impression and handled things poorly from then on out, it will be difficult/impossible to recover - you have been 'friend zoned.'
Click to expand...

I think our problems as guys often stem from imagining women think just like us... but we tend not to appreciate how final the 'friend zone' is, because most of us would sleep with virtually any woman... it's in our nature to spread the seed widely and not be too discerning (compare 1 egg per month versus over 40 million sperm per load :bassist: - plenny more where that came from :) ) the evo-psych 1st principle is that women have to be 100x more discerning than guys, and the friend zone is extremely final because its really your genes that have been rejected

the good thing is that if she's consciously or subconsciously got you in the 'I want his babies' category, you have to do a lot to spoil it...

i'm getting married this year (September) to an amazing girl very much younger than me, who worships me (with good reason!)... but there was a time in my life when I assumed i'd die alone and be found in an empty house, surrounded by crisp tissues and with pornography on the computer monitor :) until I realised that I didn't know the first thing about how women think, and decided that something needed to be done... and I decided to do whatever it took to sort this out... you can dig yourself out of any hole
 
#76
stedtale said:
ehhhh, nevermind girls, just get yourself one of those inflatable women, make sure it's a woman though, 'cus one time I...ah...heh......
Click to expand...

shawshank1812_468x399.jpg


The guy on the right really knows how to escape from something...
 
#77
Todd and Cow pretty much nailed it. There is no reason you should be a friend with a chick. Make your intentions clear. Tell her that you have no intention of being her friend and that you only want to get her naked to play. If she doesn't like this idea move onto one of her friends. Most likely the lack of attention will attract her to you and then you get the win win. The score with her friend and her too.
 
#79
Tsal said:
I'm bumping this thread in the honor of recently getting FZ'd. It's certainly one of those Charlie Brown moments, you know, the one with the "AAUGH!".
Click to expand...

Whoa whoa whoa... Hold on...., you mean to tell me that you were aware of this thread, read the posts and excellent advice therein and STILL got FZ'd??

You have not been paying attention. :rollno:

Go back and read the parts where it says:
-announce your intention to not be her friend
-stop giving her attention
-start giving her friends (preferably) or other gals attention
-give it about 1 to 3 weeks and you will be trippin' the light fandango with this chick more than likely, trust me.

If not, well then at least you're out of a painful FZ thing and are bumpin' uglies with someone instead of sitting home sulking.

In light of all of the recent "dreaded friend zone" type threads, this one ought to be stickied.
 

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