Ever regretted letting someone sit in?

[Boundary Effect]

I use to play with a band that has always allowed sit-ins with the idea that they would allow just about anyone one opportunity to sit in and if it's an appropriate venue. It's a good local music scene around here, so we have friends that play, a la 'George is going to pull off some Elvis, etc.' Quite often I am asked to sit in. I've also played with many other bands around here on both keyboards and/or bass. My boundary on this is simply, I never ask to sit-in.

 

[Boundary Effect]

Now a hard driving blues band I play with had a great moment of regret. The band and the venue we were playing attracts a biker clientele, great folks to have as fans. Someone had decided to have their wedding reception at the venue while we played. Place is packed. During break this knock-dead gorgeous, seemingly soft-spoken female from the groom's side of the family comes up to each of us working her charm to get on a mic to "say a few words." She is directed to the band leader who says, "okay." Oh, man! Those "few words" were choice. C-word, whore and more directed at the bride. A family member should probably have warned us about Cybil. Then later, a fight broke out in the parking lot over the bouquet toss.

 

[OnTheDownLow]

Too late, I already had supper. Nice fresh salad with veggies from my friends' garden and some fresh herbs from mine, with taco chicken. But anyway, that was @bobyoung53, not me!

That sounds super tasty, wish I could have been there for dinner!

 

[LBS-bass]

That sounds super tasty, wish I could have been there for dinner!

It was quite yummy! I still have some of those veggies so might do another one tonight.

 

[TTA]

Haven’t seen a similar post on TB.
I’m sure you’ve all had at least one instance of “OMG, this was a bad idea”.

Mine was back in the late 80s. The BL had a friend who asked him to ask me. That should have clued me in to his character. Normally, I get asked directly by the player. This guy had a ‘tude already. But I like the BL, so against my better judgment, I agreed.

He lasted one song. In less than 5 minutes, he was sloppy all over the song and knocked over cymbal stand in which one on legs kicked up and pierced the bottom speaker of my 2x12. Thankfully the BL pulled him off stage before I did. Also no damage to my bass. We find out later he on a Qualudde or something like that along with drinking.

The BL pulls him aside and presses him to make good on the damage. At that point, he and I had to hit the restroom right then. We came out to find the dude gone, but he had shoved a $20 bill in hole of the speaker before he bailed. The BL is now pissed too.

The next day he picks me up and we both go over to the jerk’s house. Mommy answers the door. She has this sad look on her face that made me feel bad. This wasn’t the first time she’s had “visitors” call on her son. Thankfully, the BL knows the mom and explains why we need to see him. She then insists on covering for the son. It was only 60 more bucks more to pay for a reconing, but still. It was awkward for me.

To this day, I occasionally see the guy at gigs and concerts and he looks away quickly. What a schmuck!

Pretty sure clapton regretted letting hendrix sit in for that show in 1966. Lol.

 

[Cheez]

A few years ago I told a local guitar/singer to come out and hear my band play at a local bar. I added that maybe he could sit in, and that I'd check with the other guys. Well, when I arrived to unload, he was already there and had already set up his guitar, keyboard, amps, mic, etc., usurping about half the stage...like it was HIS flippin living room!! As there was not enough stage floor for the rest of our 4 piece combo, we made him pack up his stuff. Man! Some folks just ain't got no couth!

 

[Eilif]

Wanted to add also that there are good ways to allow sit-ins though they might not be available to all groups.

I was in Nashville for a convention and late-afternoon/early-evening wandering the strip listening here and there. At Crossroads I saw a group having a good time led by a gentleman named Carl whose last name escapes me. I chatted them up during a break and let it out that I played bass in a country band. I don't recall if he offered first or if I asked to sit in, but his response was "come back tomorrow with a list of the songs you know. So I did. He picked 4 and said "you're up second set". This strikes me as a particularly good way to go about it as he can probably tell from the fact I showed up the next day and brought a list that I'm probably not a complete flake.

Second set, the bass player hands me his bass and we do a few songs. I had a good time playing with them. Was on my toes for a few songs in quite different keys than I was used to but nothing too hard. Worked out well for everyone. The bass player gets another break, I left a nice big tip for them and I can now claim to have played Nashville. Everybody wins.

 

[Altitude]

For higher-stakes gigs, no one gets on stage we don't know well.

+1. If it's not an open mic gig, nobody sits in unless they're well known.

Or at a wedding. Lots of sit-ins at those, but it's a different vibe.

 

[LBS-bass]

I think it's kind of rude for a stranger to ask to sit in, frankly. Back in the 70's when I was first starting out, I used to go out to hear bands. We'd often sit in the front, and I'd quietly harmonize with them from there. There were even odds that they'd hear me and I'd get invited up, but I can sing, so it wasn't like I was doing anything awful, and they'd only invite me after they'd heard what I was doing.

That's about as close as I ever came to asking to sit in. I was asked on more than one occasion on those rare times when I had the opportunity to go see other bands. One band had me sit in frequently, but we'd worked up a duet that I would do with their lead singer before I ever sat in with them. I just can't see getting someone up to perform that you have no clue about.

 

[SoCal80s]

Frankly, it rubs me the wrong way when people ask to sit in. My take on it is that I worked hard to learn my instrument, I worked hard to put a band together, I work hard to keep the band together, I work hard to get the gigs, and if anybody else wants to be up here doing it they need to put in the hard work too.

On top of that, if I let one person sit in then 10 more people ask to sit in. Then I have to figure out a nice way to answer the question "well, you let so-and-so sit in, why can't I sit in?" Just no. No one sits in.

 

[lfmn16]

I hate sit-ins.

• The time & messing-around it takes to get the sit-in up & situated ruins any continuity in the show, which sucks.
• If the sit-in isn't as good as the person sitting out, it sucks.
• If the sit-in is better than the person sitting out, it sucks when they come back.

I used to play guitar in a trio that had several bass players come and go, most on good terms. Our current bass player was very average, but one of the ones who had left was really good. The current guy asked the guy that was really good if he wanted to sit and and he said yes. Well every time he starts to get off the stage our current bass player says, "Hell no, I'm enjoying listening for a change" He wound up doing almost an entire set with us. I guess the current guy figured it was a free bass lesson.

 

[kjp360]

I'm ok with sit ins if the player is legitimately well known and have benefited greatly in many ways the times this has happened.

What I am not ok with is stage bombers. There was a bass player in my local scene way back when who took up the harmonica. He would show up at my, and various other friends' gigs, and hop up mid song (often with the wrong key harp) and create a train wreck. He would try to laugh it off and keep playing while someone would have to wrangle a mic away from him. One night, while in the audience at a local King Biscuit Boy gig (look him up if you don't already know), we saw him do it for the last time. Rather large well known guitar player knocked him off the low stage with a combination of his belly and headstock, then two bouncers took him outside for a etiquette lesson. You know what they say about learning, no pain no gain.

 

[lfmn16]

then two bouncers took him outside for a etiquette lesson.

Do you mean they read to him from this book??

 

[Marc valero]

We played a busy tiki bar in a small town for years and became friends with guy we let sit is once in a while to strum and sing Knockin' on Heaven's Door. He wasn't that good, but it made his day.
Then he moves to a bigger county and we get a new gig for us in a larger city in that county and in a larger venue with a big stage facing out to a large pavilion. He came out to our first gig there and then at the second gig he wanted to sit in and the band leader/drummer said no. We were still proving ourselves there and it is more like putting on a show than being in the corner of a tiki bar.
Another time we were at our first gig at a little place in town and the drummer lets his friend, who plays drums, sit in. Well this guy is nowhere near as tight or as good as our drummer and when I notice a staff member taking a video of us to post on Facebook, I told our drummer to get back up here.

 

[kjp360]

Do you mean they read to him from this book??

View attachment 4334391

Indeed! I believe that a much earlier edition, before the focus on civility and inclusion, was used though. Old skool
This guy was well known for having a black eye that he would not share the story of. This time was no different.

 

[Slough Feg Bass]

I'm fine with it as long as the people asking to sit in are respectful. Like if they ASK and not DEMAND to sit in. Had lots of those, "Hey, I wanna play a song with you guys, you are gonna love it!" ummm, wait until the next set and we'll talk about it. Hopefully he leaves before the break.

I will usually let just about anyone sit in as long as it is not a big paying gig, but if the venue owner/operator/manager/person writing the check asks to let someone sit in, sure I am all for it.

Just the other day, we were playing a tourist area outdoor patio gig, and a nice lady pointed to her son, (looked about 18 years old) and said, "He's a bass player!" we finished the song, and I just handed him my bass, said, "Hey, you wanna play a bit?" OMG the look on his face was wonderful. I stood to the side, and watched as they played Pipeline, and he was noodling all over the song, not really playing the part, but it was fine for 3 minutes. After they finished, he and his mother had the biggest grins on their faces you ever saw! They were so happy, the kid tells me he is from Washington state, never been to California before in his life, and this just made his day!

several people threw down some bills into the tip jar after that, telling me how nice it was of us to let the kid play. I just figure, hey, back in the day, some nice folks gave me that same chance, to just jam for a few minutes. I still remember how it felt, to jam with older cats who had been around the block, when I was just a teenager.

Of course there have been train wrecks with drunk people, but I just laugh it off and play another song, everything is fine. this is supposed to be fun, remember ?

 

[lfmn16]

Indeed! I believe that a much earlier edition, before the focus on civility and inclusion, was used though. Old skool
This guy was well known for having a black eye that he would not share the story of. This time was no different.

Some people are just born needing an #$% whipping.

 

[Holdsg]

I have never been asked by someone in the audience to play my bass on a song.

I have been asked by someone in the audience to play my keys on a song.
And I knew the guy, I knew he was a gigging keyboard player, and most of the people in the band knew he was a good player. But I still declined the offer. GET YOUR OWN GIG

 

[jmlee]

Many years back I was playing in a jazz quartet that was a house band for a restaurant, playing every Friday evening. We're having dinner between sets and the owner comes up to our table. "My wife would like to sing with the band. Is that OK?" In my mind I'm thinking this is the Kobayashi Maru test: the no-win scenario that's a test of character. "Sure!" the BL says. I try very hard to not let my eyes roll back in my head. We play a couple of tunes in the next set and up she comes. She kind of looks like an out-of-work librarian. We pick a standard and try to sort out a key. OK, here we go...and she starts—and OMG she sounds like Karen Carpenter! She's untutored, but what a voice! Over the weeks that followed we re-built the act around her—and played on there for another 3 years. When I re-listen to the recordings I'm still amazed at her voice. Alas, she turned out to be a bit nutso—such is karma—but I try to remember this incident when "can I sit in" requests come in.

 

[GretschWretch]

Too late, I already had supper. Nice fresh salad with veggies from my friends' garden and some fresh herbs from mine, with taco chicken. But anyway, that was @bobyoung53, not me!

Just plunge the knife in, LBS, and twist it. The best salads I can find around here are at Wendy's.