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Excuses

#22
I suppose if I really didn't want to/feel like doing something, I wouldn't. But it's important to turn it down in such a way that it doesn't burn bridges or reflect badly upon oneself. There are ways to take "creative liberties" with the truth without it necessarily being an outright lie.

Murky waters, perhaps, but if you rely on gigging, the it's best not to burn those bridges or damage your reputation.

"I just don't feel like it." too many times won't get you the gigs you DO want.
 
#24
thepontif said:
Not a gig where you're IN the band. I agree with you in that case. I'm talking about a freelance situation. Say, you're being called to sub for someone, you'll be in town, but you know you won't feel like doing it. Do you just say, no, I don't want that gig, or do you make up an excuse?
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If it's a sub situation, I would be honest with him.

blue
 
#27
thepontif said:
Well I didn't say you would need recoup time. I just said you don't want to do it. The vacation is really not relevant to the question. Sorry.
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Why don't you want to do it then? Pay is poor, don't like the BL or music, don't need the money, or do you just have a premonition 30 days in advance that you will just want to lounge at home or something?

In any case, even as a freelancer, I would decline because of "prior commitment" or something and be ready to elaborate with a white lie like "I already promised the wife we'd do X that night" or something. No BL wants to hear how unimportant you think his gig is.
 
#28
Phil Smith said:
How do you handle this?
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I just say, "sorry, I've got something on the calendar that night", then I immediately deflect the conversation to avoid giving them a chance to ask anything else. Almost always works.

But, it does kind of piss me of that I can't just say, " I don't feel like working that night" without worrying about alienating the BL.
 
#29
Bert Slide said:
Why don't you want to do it then? Pay is poor, don't like the BL or music, don't need the money, or do you just have a premonition 30 days in advance that you will just want to lounge at home or something?

In any case, even as a freelancer, I would decline because of "prior commitment" or something and be ready to elaborate with a white lie like "I already promised the wife we'd do X that night" or something. No BL wants to hear how unimportant you think his gig is.
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Maybe because the bread is low, not needed, or I anticipate a less that satisfying musical experience. I don't take every gig I COULD get. I learned a long time ago, that's false economy.
 
#30
I can't answer that because I don't even think I'd ever have a situation where I would be a no-show, unless I were really, really sick or in the hospital or something. It just seems like really bad form to make up an excuse just because you don't feel like playing a gig. For that matter, I can't imagine not feeling like playing a gig, either. I love what I do...even if I have a day where I'm dragging a little, I always get into it and I always feel good about doing my best even when I might not feel like it.
 
#31
I would say that, as a grown up, I don't have to account for myself to anybody. If I am telling you that something has come up, you can either accept that it is important enough that I would have to attend to it, or you can decide I am blowing you off, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I do not answer to people as if I were a schoolboy.
 
#32
thepontif said:
So here's a scenario for you. And to be clear, I am not asking for advice, but interested in how people handle this.

A bandleader calls you for a gig a month away. You look at your calendar and see that you will be coming home from a family vacation two days before. You really don't want to do the gig. So you simply say, sorry I'm busy and I can't do it. Then the bandleader asks you what you have going on that night. Are you honest and simply say, I just don't feel like playing that night, or do you make up a story?
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If the assumption is I'm NOT taking the gig* it would depend on how well I knew the bandleader. If he knows me and has used me in the past then he'll know family is #1 for me and I'll tell him what's what. Now, if it's a new gig and I'd like to be called again then I won't outright lie, but I'll tell him I'm already "busy" or "have prior commitments". Something like that.

I'd probably take the gig, though, depending on the particular band and how much money, etc.
 
#33
hernameisrio said:
I can't answer that because I don't even think I'd ever have a situation where I would be a no-show, unless I were really, really sick or in the hospital or something. It just seems like really bad form to make up an excuse just because you don't feel like playing a gig. For that matter, I can't imagine not feeling like playing a gig, either. I love what I do...even if I have a day where I'm dragging a little, I always get into it and I always feel good about doing my best even when I might not feel like it.
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???
 
#34
thepontif said:
I just say, "sorry, I've got something on the calendar that night", then I immediately deflect the conversation to avoid giving them a chance to ask anything else. Almost always works.

But, it does kind of piss me of that I can't just say, " I don't feel like working that night" without worrying about alienating the BL.
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I figure there are certain social conventions that we put up with in order for all of us to coexist. Herding cats for a gig on short notice can be laborious and stressful work. So you've got someone on one end of the telephone line who's wondering if they can pull a gig together that they've already booked, and on the other end, a guy who could do the job but just doesn't feel like working.

I think it's just more "political" to avoid giving that reason.
 
#35
Pacman said:
I'd give the same answer I'd give if I was working with someone else:

"Sorry, man - I'd love to, but I have another commitment." (In this case, the commitment is to yourself.
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^^This.

But, I think everyone is missing the follow up question by the BL as to what he is doing that night that makes him unavailable.

If the BL presses the issue (which I think is really out of line) then you can honestly say that you are out of town the week before and there's a chance that you may not be back in town on that night and you'd hate to have to cancel at last minute. After all, there is a chance that you may not be back in town.
 
#36
fdeck said:
I figure there are certain social conventions that we put up with in order for all of us to coexist. Herding cats for a gig on short notice can be laborious and stressful work. So you've got someone on one end of the telephone line who's wondering if they can pull a gig together that they've already booked, and on the other end, a guy who could do the job but just doesn't feel like working.

I think it's just more "political" to avoid giving that reason.
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Yeah, that makes sense. Political is a good word for it.

It's a shame that in this context, "political" kind of means, "socially acceptable lying"

It mirrors other types of "politics" :-)
 
#38
Freddels said:
^^This.

But, I think everyone is missing the follow up question by the BL as to what he is doing that night that makes him unavailable.

If the BL presses the issue (which I think is really out of line) then you can honestly say that you are out of town the week before and there's a chance that you may not be back in town on that night and you'd hate to have to cancel at last minute. After all, there is a chance that you may not be back in town.
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Right, like "I'm out the week before, and SUPPOSED to be back, but the plans aren't real solid and I wouldn't want to hang you up".
 
#40
thepontif said:
Maybe because the bread is low, not needed, or I anticipate a less that satisfying musical experience. I don't take every gig I COULD get. I learned a long time ago, that's false economy.
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If it's low pay I would simply tell him that and state what pay you are willing to work for for future gigs. In the other cases I'd stick to the "prior commitment" line which is really not a lie as Pacman said.

You may want to work with this guy in the future in some other project so I wouldn't let on that you think playing with his band is "unsatisfying". I agree you shouldn't take every gig offered but "I just don't feel like playing that night", while maybe the truth, just sounds like you don't care about his project. Maybe you don't but he held you in enough esteem to offer you the gig so why give him any reason to change his opinion of you. Even if he does understand you just need a night off he will certainly come back and pester you more if he can't find another sub, "C'mon man, I can't find anyone else and I know you said you wanted a night off but Please! Dude! I may have to cancel the gig!"
 

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