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Excuses

#41
Bert Slide said:
If it's low pay I would simply tell him that and state what pay you are willing to work for for future gigs. In the other cases I'd stick to the "prior commitment" line which is really not a lie as Pacman said.

You may want to work with this guy in the future in some other project so I wouldn't let on that you think playing with his band is "unsatisfying". I agree you shouldn't take every gig offered but "I just don't feel like playing that night", while maybe the truth, just sounds like you don't care about his project. Maybe you don't but he held you in enough esteem to offer you the gig so why give him any reason to change his opinion of you. Even if he does understand you just need a night off he will certainly come back and pester you more if he can't find another sub, "C'mon man, I can't find anyone else and I know you said you wanted a night off but Please! Dude! I may have to cancel the gig!"
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Typically, at this point my first question, if I've already established its someone I want to work with, is how much does it pay? Then, how far of a drive?

I feel like your points are very reasonable, though.
 
#42
thepontif said:
So to you bandleaders,if a player in that situation simply said, "man thanks for the call, but I just want a night off", would you call again?

If no, why?
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Probably not, or at least, you would end up pretty far down on my list. I would take that response as an indication that you're not interested in working with my band. All other things being equal, I would rather call someone who is more likely to say yes, just because that ends up being a more efficient use of my time.
 
#44
bluewine said:
I'm not sure I understand, your home 2 days before the gig and he gave you a months notice.

If I have the story right, This is how I would handle it.

I would quit the band. If I can't do a gig with 30 days notice and i'm in town the band is probably not a match.

blue
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I'd have to agree
 
#46
thepontif said:
So here's a scenario for you. And to be clear, I am not asking for advice, but interested in how people handle this.

A bandleader calls you for a gig a month away. You look at your calendar and see that you will be coming home from a family vacation two days before. You really don't want to do the gig. So you simply say, sorry I'm busy and I can't do it. Then the bandleader asks you what you have going on that night. Are you honest and simply say, I just don't feel like playing that night, or do you make up a story?
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Don't lie in the first place. If I'm not interested, I tell him that the first time.
 
#50
My answer to your original question? Just tell him the truth. I do some freelance work, and I would probably turn down a date landing two days after I return from vacation.

I work full time, and coming back to my regular job after being off a week is tough. Also, I normaly put in serious practice time to get up to par on the material, which I would not get in the two days (between work, home, and sleeping).

If it was a gig I know I would really enjoy, and the BL was a good friend, and I really had their material down, then I might do it.

If I am asked to do a fill-in date, or even a regular date with my own band that I just don't want to do? A simple "No Thanks" will do. I learned a long time ago, I don't have to give an explaination for saying "no" - whatever the situation is. If the other party pushes for a reason? "I just cannot do it". No need to lie for any reason, IMO.
 
#52
I do a lot of freelance and subbing, and I have learned that it pays BIG dividends to say no to gigs that aren't worth your whole, and to feel no qualms about your reasons for doing so.

You need to establish your own list of priorities that will make a gig worthwhile or not - money, time, new material, networking, genre, family time, dayjob etc. - all of these (and more) are perfectly valid reasons which you need to justify to no one but yourself. And if you know these priorities and what they mean to you, you will never feel guilty about sharing your reasons with others.

If a bandleader doesn't want to accept your reason for concluding a gig isn't worthwhile, are you sure you want to work with that person in the first place??
 
#53
There's always someone available to take your place. Especially these days. There are a lot of good bass players. Can't be a Pre-Madonna like 20 years ago. If they reached out to you first then that's a compliment. I would absolutely do the gig. I would take the 30 days to memorise the song list and Like it. I will never ever take a Gig for granted again as long as I live.
 
#54
troy mcclure said:
freelance is a whole different ballgame, you don't need to provide an excuse, you are a free agent.
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This. It seems to me the guy has a lot of..... let's just say "nerve"..... asking you to provide details when you are not in his band. Unless you tow are familiar with one another, he should not be asking you those kinds of questions to begin with. If you are simply trying to avoid burning a bridge, just tell him you'll be on vacation. Just because you are back, that doesn't mean your vacation is over.
 
#56
NYCbassist said:
There's always someone available to take your place. Especially these days. There are a lot of good bass players. Can't be a Pre-Madonna like 20 years ago. If they reached out to you first then that's a compliment. I would absolutely do the gig. I would take the 30 days to memorise the song list and Like it. I will never ever take a Gig for granted again as long as I live.
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That depends in how long you live, trust me.
 
#59
It's not about being a primadonna, it's about getting yourself into a position in your career where you are working under conditions that are acceptable to you - or not. It's your choice, ultimately, but one that's made up of a lot of little choices along the way.

In the past, I've been the guy taking all the gigs I could get, and now I'm picking and choosing and saying no to way more than I say yes to. And guess what - I make more money by being choosy, end up playing better gigs, and am a lot happier!
 
#60
It's too late this time, but in the future if you need a few days after coming back from vacation to mow the lawn, wash clothes, figure out how to play bass all over again, or whatever you need to do to recover, block those days off your calendar in the first place. Then you won't have this problem.
 

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