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Excuses

#83
Ed Fuqua said:
But siriusly Mike, it's like dating, not like marriage. You WANT to go out with her again, but for whatever reason you can't. So you make it sound maybe more "inescapable" than it really is so that you convey your interest in definitely having a next date.
I mean, you call somebody up for a date, wouldn't you rather hear "I've got something I can't get out of this Saturday, but I'd really love to see you again soon." or "Not this Saturday, there's something I want to watch on TV..."?

We're all human, alive to subtext and nuance, even if we invent stuff that's not there...
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+1, That's a great approach.
 
#85
thepontif said:
What is "turning down a gig frivolously"?
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Maybe ... when your dog dies? :hiding:

Seriously ... the word is pretty self-explanatory, don't ya think? But here it is from Merriam-Webster:

1
a : of little weight or importance
b : having no sound basis (as in fact or law) <a frivolous lawsuit>
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What constitutes weight/importance/soundness depends on the individual and his/her circumstances. What I mean is that if you have a reputation as being the "go to guy" you don't have to defend yourself when you can't be that guy.
 
#87
I would use the vacation as an excuse, whether it applies or not. Just say you won't be playing much on vacation and you're worried you'll be rusty and maybe still tired/sunburnt/jet-lagged and that you don't feel right making the commitment, and that you're sorry, maybe next time. I wouldn't outright lie, like for example saying you will still be on vacation.

BTW you're a monster player, I don't think you have to worry about not getting more work later on down the line. Just saying.
 
#88
In everything, especially business there's a time for complete honesty and there's a time for less disclosure. If you're a full-time member of a professional outfit (i.e. money-making business), IMO it's your responsibility to do as many gigs as you possibly can and provide a trained sub to cover for you for those gigs you can't make. If you're a freelancer, it's not anybody's business why you can or can't do a gig. The only thing you owe the person that called you is a direct answer in a timely manner as to whether you can or can't do the gig. Lastly, it's always a good idea to say thank you for the call whether or not you can do the gig..
 
#92
thepontif said:
???
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Why is it difficult to understand my opinion? I don't like working with people who are unreliable, flaky, and make excuses all the time. So of course I'm gonna go out of my way to make sure I'M not one of those people!

For that matter, I kinda think it is sometimes necessary to lie. If you hate your job and you call in sick and say, "I just don't feel like coming in today and would rather sit around my house by myself instead" you probbbbbably won't still have a job the next day. But if you call in sick and say, "Hey, I have a stomach bug, I can't make it in today" then you get to stay home and your boss is none the wiser...everybody wins.
 
#93
Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
 
#94
Without knowing anyone in this story, my opinion is that the BL should simply accept, "I'm sorry, I can't make that gig" and be done with it. It's pretty disrespectful to press for anything more.

That said, if you are close and have a personal relationship where such deeper probing is OK, then you certainly should also be able to tell him, "Man, I just am not up for it" and that should be enough - but making up a 'lie' seems wrong-headed in that situation, IMO.

If the BL is not a friend who you can forgive the inappropriate probing but he's someone you want to gig with in the future, I think leaving it at "personal reasons" should be enough and respected. If he presses, you can repeat, "It's personal".

If you don't care about the BL or playing with him in the future, "No thank you" is all you need to say - but in all of the above scenarios there is no need to lower yourself by making up bunk.
 
#96
thepontif said:
So here's a scenario for you. And to be clear, I am not asking for advice, but interested in how people handle this.

A bandleader calls you for a gig a month away. You look at your calendar and see that you will be coming home from a family vacation two days before. You really don't want to do the gig. So you simply say, sorry I'm busy and I can't do it. Then the bandleader asks you what you have going on that night. Are you honest and simply say, I just don't feel like playing that night, or do you make up a story?
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I cant apply this scenario to myself, as being home from vacation for 2 days would not give me cause to not play a gig.
Im not usually one who doesnt want to play a gig. I played a gig the day I returned from Vegas for my bachelors party, hungover as all hell.

troy mcclure said:
I have come home at noon from a cruise and been on stage by 2pm for a benefit gig with no pay. I agree with Blue for the 2nd time ever..lol
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The above scenario, I got home at 8pm, and was at the venue ready to play by 10.

thepontif said:
Well I didn't say you would need recoup time. I just said you don't want to do it. The vacation is really not relevant to the question. Sorry.
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If its freelance, "Sorry, I can't do that gig" should suffice. No more info is needed.
 
#97
I wouldnt turn down the gig, but then I'm not the OP.

If I were the OP I'd appeal to the BL's (presumably) high standards and say something like, "I'm just gonna be getting back into town [relatively true] and I'm pretty sure I won't be on my A game so I think it would be best for both of us if you used someone else this time."

There was a stretch where I was doing a lot of Saturday night gigs with long late drives home and my church worship leader wanted me to play Sunday mornings and I pretty much said the same thing "Yeah I COULD play but it would be on 3 hrs sleep and there's no way I'd be bringing my best and that's not what I want to be doing." He propped me for my answer and quit bugging me after that.
 
#98
hernameisrio said:
Why is it difficult to understand my opinion? I don't like working with people who are unreliable, flaky, and make excuses all the time. So of course I'm gonna go out of my way to make sure I'M not one of those people!

For that matter, I kinda think it is sometimes necessary to lie. If you hate your job and you call in sick and say, "I just don't feel like coming in today and would rather sit around my house by myself instead" you probbbbbably won't still have a job the next day. But if you call in sick and say, "Hey, I have a stomach bug, I can't make it in today" then you get to stay home and your boss is none the wiser...everybody wins.
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How does saying no to a gig make someone flaky or unreliable?

I'm not talking about ditching a day of work. That's different because there is a standing expectation for you to be there. I'm talking about someone calling you for a one-off gig that you just don't feel like playing.
 
#99
nutdog said:
Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
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Not talking about MISSING a gig that you've already committed to. Talking about turning down one when yours asked to do it.
 

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