Many of those things you say are true, I do the majority of the hauling, often find myself wrapping up cords while others are at the bar. Call me crazy but I believe wrapping them up correctly rather than throwing a pile in the case makes it easier to set up the next time! And as I said calm discussions have been tried and are a temp fix at best. Advocating for myself is the right way to say it.
whoa - if it's that bad - yikes. I'll take back my previous statement - well, that's NOT how it should work. In my bands, we all setup and tear down, so I don't have good perspective with lazy bandmates. Seriously - we practically fight over who is going to get to the drummer(s) truck to help haul his gear in. Yes, I've very lucky.