"For all intensive purposes..."

[Munjibunga]

We had our dog spayded.

 

[hondo4life]

We had our dog spayded.

Why would you dig a hole in your dog?

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

When I worked as a laborer in Dallas they told me I was slower than a thanksgiving turkey on Christmas.

That's almost as slow as molasses in January.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

We've had less tornadoes this year.

 

[Richland123]

You can buy your mother some "jewelery" for Mother's Day.

 

[slobake]

We had our dog spayded.

I don't think the dog liked it.

 

[fendermademygibson]

I don't think the dog liked it.

Tsst.

 

[El Güero]

I'm gonna cork my winders before it gets too hot and save on the AC bill.

 

[fendermademygibson]

I'm gonna cork my winders before it gets too hot and save on the AC bill.

Ok. I've got to ask, what does this mean?

 

[El Güero]

Ok. I've got to ask, what does this mean?

caulk the windows

 

[Munjibunga]

I don't think the dog liked it.

She was mad, but just for a little while.

 

[fendermademygibson]

caulk the windows

Ah, of course.

 

[ianuaditis]

The realitor said the masonary wall was going to fall down. Irregardless, I'm going to buy the property anywho.

My stepfather is a Realtor (which is a trademark now and you have to register to use it,) and the realtor association is so against it being pronounced 'realitor.'

There's a linguistic phenomenon that people want to add an unstressed vowel between a liquid and a dental (l/r and d/t,) so I tell him sorry, realitor is how I say it!

(ask a Scottish person to say 'world' for an example.)

 

[ChrisB2]

I've put this one out here before but I'll post it again as it always cracks me up.

Around here some people, when trying to express the plural for "text," will add a vowel in the word that isn't there, as in "I sen'im four textses and hain't herd nothin' back yat." Except instead of "texts" it comes out like "Texas." Yep. Four Texas = four texts.

 

[Richland123]

I drive past a cemetery occasionally that has the word spelled wrong as "cemetary" on their sign.

 

[El Güero]

I drive past a cemetery occasionally that has the word spelled wrong as "cemetary" on their sign.

No big deal, the stuffs will never know.

 

[slobake]

Who you calling illiterate? I'll have you know my folks was married for five months before I was bored.

 

[FilterFunk]

You can buy your mother some "jewelery" for Mother's Day.

According to Jeff Foxworthy, it's "jury."

 

[zontar]

We've had less tornadoes this year.

If there were fewer tornadoes, there wouldn't be so many of them, numerically speaking.

 

[FingerDub]

Stop therapizing me.