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Get off my LAWN! "Grumpy Old Farts"

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#5,141
I don't know.. pretty good list, but are you sure that you have experienced more than enough?
G-Dog said:
Dang it! Found this appropriately titled list for this thread, but, heck, it's too durn long!!! The first few sound about right. TL;DR

Grouchy Old Fart Manifesto
1) That ain't gravity; it's reality sucking you back to Earth.
2) If it's good for you it tastes NASTY!
2a) If it tastes good it'll kill you.
3) What doesn't kill you?
4) Never let logic or reason derail your train of thought.
5) Liars abound. Proceed accordingly.
6) Joy! I can't remember what I forgot!
7) Heaven: that place we gotta go through hell to get to.
7a) Hell: that place where you are forced to hear the endless whining about how unfair life is from people whose first and last thought is,"where's my cell phone?"
7b) Where's my cell phone?
8) If you say what you really mean, you're construed as being really mean.
9) Aging gracefully is only possible for dancers and gymnasts. The rest of us somehow just manage to stumble to the finish line.
10) Snap, crackle, pop used to be the sounds from a breakfast cereal. Now it's my marching cadence.
11) Looking at some of my old friends and thinking" Damn, they got old!"
11a) Looking at some of my new friends and thinking" You'll find out".
12) The label on Preparation H is incomplete. Nothing about how to clean your fingernail.
13) Just cause I'm deaf doesn't give you license to holler at me. Text me.
14) Relics look familiar.
15) Can't remember where I put what I can't remember............or why.
16) Today is already becoming yesterday. By the time tomorrow gets here it's gone.
17) Talking to myself is sometimes the most intelligent conversation I'll have all day.
18) ?
19) Nothing is guaranteed. Really. I guarantee it.
20) Vacuuming just gives the cats a clean place to drop hair on their muddy footprints.
21) Voting is just selecting which liar will get you the most free poopie.
22) Eating takes teeth. I'm on a diet.
23) Words can have many meanings and create misunderstandings that escalate into violence. Shut up.
24) Trips to Walmart reaffirm my theory of devolution.
25) Green energy is produced from eating multiple servings of Brussels sprouts.
26) I don't have to listen to cicadas anymore. They've taken up residence in my head.

Yeah, there's lots more, but I'll be dadgummed if I can remember 'em.
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#5,145
99Z3 said:
With the sheep that are in the world today.. i am not sure i want to live with any of them!
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We often substitute other farm animals.

I saw a bumper sticker on a ratty old truck with Texas plates that said, "Texas: Where men are men and sheep are scared."

On Cheers, talking about bachelor parties:

Woody - "Hey, you guys ever dress up farm animals as women?"
Others - "No." "Uhhhh no" etc.
Woody - "hahaha well, Indiana's one up on you guys then."

On war:

Woody - "It's too bad we lost the revolutionary war."
Cliff - "We didn't loose the revolutionary war, Woody."
Woody - "Oh yah? Then why do we speak English?"
 
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#5,148
One of the things on my bucket list was to get a tattoo. I've got two now and counting. I'll have to get 7 more to catch up with my daughter. Someone asked me why I waited so long to get one. I told them that I'm old enough now that they'll still look good when I'm dead. I thought it was funny, but they didn't. Some people have no sense of humor
 
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#5,149
collie.jpg
 
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#5,157
99Z3 said:
Ah em.. "price"? Hey.. who do you think that i am.. some kind of bass player or something? Well yeah.. i will do just about anything for a price.. see that was easy!
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Don't feel bad my friend. Those who dont prostitute their bodies for a living, prostitute their minds...

Unless you want to climb to the top... That requires prostituting one's soul.
 
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#5,159
And FYI Ken, "on top" is not a sheep reference.

I agree Z, not worth selling your sould for in any profession. Best to just do the best you can at something you love doing.

Money is the root of all evil only when there is too little or too much. Where that range is depends on the person. I have no doubt the power ball wrecks the lives of most winners.

I grew up in a town with almost no middle class. A friends little brother won $100K and went bankrupt in a year. Good family too.
 
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