Grocery store behavior.

[MJ5150]

It's not the use of physical contact as discipline that is the problem. It's the dumb parents who do not know how to administer it properly. A well placed open slap to the back of a hand with the appropriate accompanying verbal correction can be very effective.

-Mike

 

[Quickie]

I dont personally see smacking a kid on the wrist in the same way I do "striking a child", so Im just going to go ahead and say there was no harm done here.

I agree. I also think a smack on the bottom if warranted, is OK.

 

[MJ5150]

Anyways. This is quickly becoming something entirely other than what I believe the OP had in mind.

Sure is. A good discussion on striking/hitting children was had in this thread: http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f34/approppriate-hit-your-children-public-422682/

-Mike

 

[Quickie]

Uh, you don't think a lot of "slapping the hand" and other parts of the kid's body has ensued prior to arriving at the point of the child stopping his current behavior "with a whimper"?

Dude...the exact thing the kid did was 'whimper"...he sort of just quietly gave in....sheesh...get a life.

 

[MatticusMania]

I agree. I also think a smack on the bottom if warranted, is OK.

Exactly. Now, thats not to say it should be the first course of action, but demonstrative disobedience such as a refusal to get with the program after a previous warning might warrant such an action as a smack to the bottom.

 

[Tituscrow]

This is a fairly standard (and effective) argument for anyone fighting something they disagree with on principle alone. Its effective in showing you who's worth arguing with, because once you run into this argument, you aren't going to make any progress past that point and you can just get on with your life.

Anyways. This is quickly becoming something entirely other than what I believe the OP had in mind. I fully support the mother in this story, again, and I hope that once I have offspring of my own that I come up with something this epic at least once.

...or the parent of another's offspring gives it to you in public.

And no, it's not some pseudo-psychological logic trick to win argument, it's just an opinion I have, which I will try to restate in another way:

Parents that hit their kids usually have kids that grow up thinking violence is the way to win your little power struggles with infants. This in turn, breeds a culture of "I'm bigger than you, don't mess with me".

I also find it a bit disturbing that an above poster has already conceded he will hit is kids before they are even conceived.

Sorry for the hijack, but even if I stand alone on this, I cannot let casual attitudes towards violence against kids go unchallenged.

 

[knucklehead G]

...or the parent of another's offspring gives it to you in public.

And no, it's not some pseudo-psychological logic trick to win argument, it's just an opinion I have, which I will try to restate in another way:

Parents that hit their kids usually have kids that grow up thinking violence is the way to win your little power struggles with infants. This in turn, breeds a culture of "I'm bigger than you, don't mess with me".

I also find it a bit disturbing that an above poster has already conceded he will hit is kids before they are even conceived.

Sorry for the hijack, but even if I stand alone on this, I cannot let casual attitudes towards violence against kids go unchallenged.

Excellent re-state, and I accept your point that kids who are spanked turn into parents who spank most of the time. I'm not trying to convert you on this and I respect your right to challenge my ideals.

If it makes you feel any better, my wife and her hugs-for-everything family have already decided that the day I spank my future kids will be the day I lose them, so I've been brushing up on my psychological warfare for when I need to assert some authority in the household.


</worm can opened>

 

[Gard]

...or the parent of another's offspring gives it to you in public.

And no, it's not some pseudo-psychological logic trick to win argument, it's just an opinion I have, which I will try to restate in another way:

Parents that hit their kids usually have kids that grow up thinking violence is the way to win your little power struggles with infants. This in turn, breeds a culture of "I'm bigger than you, don't mess with me".

I also find it a bit disturbing that an above poster has already conceded he will hit is kids before they are even conceived.

Sorry for the hijack, but even if I stand alone on this, I cannot let casual attitudes towards violence against kids go unchallenged.

There is a WORLD of difference between a well-placed "smack" on the hand/butt/cheek and VIOLENCE.

If hitting your kid - and I mean really HITTING your kid, is your first action at any sign of misbehavior, then yes, you have an issue. However, after a warning or two a little "pop!" (and IME, it was always more the sound and sense of surprise that got my attention, not any kind of actual pain) is a reasonable escalation to get the attention of a recalcitrant child. I only got struck a few times when growing up, and it was ALWAYS deserved. It was NEVER "violent" either, there is no correlation between the use of violence and a bit of mild corporal punishment.

 

[dbhokie]

...or the parent of another's offspring gives it to you in public.

And no, it's not some pseudo-psychological logic trick to win argument, it's just an opinion I have, which I will try to restate in another way:

Parents that hit their kids usually have kids that grow up thinking violence is the way to win your little power struggles with infants. This in turn, breeds a culture of "I'm bigger than you, don't mess with me".

I also find it a bit disturbing that an above poster has already conceded he will hit is kids before they are even conceived.

Sorry for the hijack, but even if I stand alone on this, I cannot let casual attitudes towards violence against kids go unchallenged.

I said I would spank my kids, I spank my nephews and nieces currently at their parents request if need be.

I don't abuse them or commit violence towards them. It is not my first resort and it won't be. Some of what I posted was tongue-in-cheek as well, I was hoping it would be caught with the jovial mood of the post.

However, yes I absolutely will, I will never be violent towards my kids, I will never harm them in any serious way, If I can help it and hopefully avoid tragedies. I have great love for humanity, and especially for my nieces and nephews I am sure that will be absolutely and completely dwarfed by my children.

 

[Tituscrow]

Do you have kids of your own, Tituscrow?

To save you reading my previous posts, yes I do.

Again, apologies for the hijack and thanks for the link to the previous discussion. I shall have a read to see how that one panned out!

I can assure you, getting my kids to comply and behave first time with nothing more than a 'look' has taken years of hard graft. But I have never once laid a finger on them in anger and had to deal with any ensuing feelings of guilt that I 'lost it'.

 

[aborgman]

If you can't control your kids with your brain and your mouth and have to resort to striking them -

...then we have kids that are different from yours.

Some children can be reasoned with. Some cannot. Situations vary.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

There is a WORLD of difference between a well-placed "smack" on the hand/butt/cheek and VIOLENCE.

If hitting your kid - and I mean really HITTING your kid, is your first action at any sign of misbehavior, then yes, you have an issue. However, after a warning or two a little "pop!" (and IME, it was always more the sound and sense of surprise that got my attention, not any kind of actual pain) is a reasonable escalation to get the attention of a recalcitrant child. I only got struck a few times when growing up, and it was ALWAYS deserved. It was NEVER "violent" either, there is no correlation between the use of violence and a bit of mild corporal punishment.

+1

Assuming that any sort of spanking will mortify your child for life and turn them into a pro-violence sort of person is ridiculous. I was only spanked 3 times in my life and I deserved it each time. My parents were also quick to tell my why I was spanked and why they felt it was necessary for them to do it to me.

 

[aborgman]

Surely patience, conversation and understanding are key to winning the battle?

No.

Whatever works is the key to winning the battle.

There are no battle tactics that work for every battlefield.

Surely the fact that they keep having to do it proves it doesn't work?

By that metric - basically NO discipline measures work.

Have to repeatedly ground your kid? Have to repeatedly have patient understanding conversations? Have to repeatedly take away privileges?

Surely the fact that a person keeps having to do it proves it doesn't work, right?

 

[MJ5150]

....I have never once laid a finger on them in anger.....

Discipline of any kind done in anger will have the same negative results.

-Mike

 

[JimmyThunder]

To save you reading my previous posts, yes I do.

Well then I'll respectfully say "to each his own". At least you're actively walking the walk, unlike those who criticize techniques without practical experience.

In my opinion, your views on corporal punishment are greatly colored (that's coloured to you brits) by your atypical exposure to abused children. In the same way that my dad, an inner-city cop his whole life, is completely unwilling to consider that enjoying marijuana doesn't automatically lead to a life of crime and hard drug abuse. That's what he saw happen all day long so naturally he would form that viewpoint. HE has very little practical knowledge of pot smokers who aren't also violent criminals...but that doesn't mean ALL pot smokers out there are violent criminals.

 

[MatticusMania]

Discipline of any kind done in anger will have the same negative results.

-Mike

+1

Not the Mike part, though. I'm Matt.

 

[macaroni tony]

To save you reading my previous posts, yes I do.

Again, apologies for the hijack and thanks for the link to the previous discussion. I shall have a read to see how that one panned out!

I can assure you, getting my kids to comply and behave first time with nothing more than a 'look' has taken years of hard graft. But I have never once laid a finger on them in anger and had to deal with any ensuing feelings of guilt that I 'lost it'.

Right - and no one here believes that their children should be spanked in anger. Even pro-whoopin folks like myself are in agreement there.

Just wanted to clear that up, in case it was a misconception. Carry on

 

[Quickie]

Exactly. Now, thats not to say it should be the first course of action, but demonstrative disobedience such as a refusal to get with the program after a previous warning might warrant such an action as a smack to the bottom.

Sadly, I am classic evidence of a kid that needed to be disciplined more. I was only spanked 3 times in my out of control childhood. I deserved much more. I turned out ok (arguably ) but I was a handful.

 

[Quickie]

Again, apologies for the hijack and thanks for the link to the previous discussion. I shall have a read to see how that one panned out!

No hijack. I put up the post for discussion. I like any kind of reasonable discussion in any direction.

 

[MatticusMania]

Sadly, I am classic evidence of a kid that needed to be disciplined more. I was only spanked 3 times in my out of control childhood. I deserved much more. I turned out ok (arguably ) but I was a handful.

Im just the opposite. I may have been a handful, but I was raised in a tough enviroment with a Dad born in '49, whose dad was in the military. My father did the best he knew how under the circumstances, but I took on some harsh whoopins as a kid. I resented him for a long time because of it, and eventually came to call him on his behavior as we were embroiled in a fist fight. Things changed that day, and we've had an increasingly good relationship ever since then. I could never discipline my own kids the way that I was, but a little smack on the behind when called for, IMO, is a far cry away from my father's tactics.