Having a hard time with leaving my band

[wysiwyg248]

Sorry to hear your story, move forward to do better things that will make you happy.
Relative to the BL, he is probably adult enough -or not- to change.

 

[MrBassman22]

Sounds familiar. I once wrote lyric for a singer, who might not been an alcoholic per se, but always got very sloppy halfway rehearsal and then had to drive home as well. The song was about a guy to running towards alcohol because the was not able to face his problems and solve them.

He had to sing it over and over again...

He is now drinking alcohol free beer exclusively.

 

[NathOBX]

Fire the BL!!!

 

[dbsfgyd1]

Well, I've decided it's time for me to leave the band I've been with for many years. The band leader is an alcoholic who, after slightly more than halfway through a gig, ruins the rest of of it because he's too drunk to remember what song we're playing, let alone what verse we're in or how the song goes. I'm SO tired of that. Plus I'm not philosophically or musically aligned with anyone else in the band, and I'm just tired of putting in tons of rehearsal hours only to see them all get flushed once the BL gets too drunk.

But, I'm having a surprisingly hard time sending the email to quit. We do have great harmony vocals together, and I love the stages we play on--full PA, subs, etc--and I love the feeling of getting kicked in the back by the subwoofers. But, I really hate having the music get ruined by the BL. The rest of us have talked to him SO many times about keeping a lid on his alcohol consumption but it has never stuck--gigs are his private beer party and I feel like I'm just providing party music for him. So it's definitely time to go, and it'll open me up to new things, but I hate the thought that at my age (52) I might not get to play on those sorts of stages again.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

Tom

Best wishes on your next musical venture.

 

[two fingers]

Well, I've decided it's time for me to leave the band I've been with for many years. The band leader is an alcoholic who, after slightly more than halfway through a gig, ruins the rest of of it because he's too drunk to remember what song we're playing, let alone what verse we're in or how the song goes. I'm SO tired of that. Plus I'm not philosophically or musically aligned with anyone else in the band, and I'm just tired of putting in tons of rehearsal hours only to see them all get flushed once the BL gets too drunk.

But, I'm having a surprisingly hard time sending the email to quit. We do have great harmony vocals together, and I love the stages we play on--full PA, subs, etc--and I love the feeling of getting kicked in the back by the subwoofers. But, I really hate having the music get ruined by the BL. The rest of us have talked to him SO many times about keeping a lid on his alcohol consumption but it has never stuck--gigs are his private beer party and I feel like I'm just providing party music for him. So it's definitely time to go, and it'll open me up to new things, but I hate the thought that at my age (52) I might not get to play on those sorts of stages again.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

Tom

I hate that you're having to deal with that.

Where does the rest of the band stand on this? Can you pick off enough of them to start another band with another front man? Do any of them feel strongly enough about it to do an intervention/ultimatum with this guy? Has anyone made a VIDEO of the last few songs for you so you can show the guy how ridiculous he is in that condition?

I couldn't just quietly walk away without trying to resolve the issue one way or the other. No, I'm not gonna fist fight the guy. But I'll try to help rather than just walk away. I know it's a long shot. But I wouldn't want to leave having not tried my best to help.

 

[SLO Surfer]

Well, I've decided it's time for me to leave the band I've been with for many years. The band leader is an alcoholic who, after slightly more than halfway through a gig, ruins the rest of of it because he's too drunk to remember what song we're playing, let alone what verse we're in or how the song goes. I'm SO tired of that. Plus I'm not philosophically or musically aligned with anyone else in the band, and I'm just tired of putting in tons of rehearsal hours only to see them all get flushed once the BL gets too drunk.

But, I'm having a surprisingly hard time sending the email to quit. We do have great harmony vocals together, and I love the stages we play on--full PA, subs, etc--and I love the feeling of getting kicked in the back by the subwoofers. But, I really hate having the music get ruined by the BL. The rest of us have talked to him SO many times about keeping a lid on his alcohol consumption but it has never stuck--gigs are his private beer party and I feel like I'm just providing party music for him. So it's definitely time to go, and it'll open me up to new things, but I hate the thought that at my age (52) I might not get to play on those sorts of stages again.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

Tom

don’t put it off. Rip off the bandaid quickly if you know it’s time. The longer you wait, the longer it will take you to find another group, the longer you will feel the stress/anxiety, and the longer you will string them along when they can be looking for a bass replacement. Just do it. It’s better for all involved.

 

[Max Bogosity]

As others said, if the other band members also feel he’s a problem, then fire him. If he owns the band name, you all quit and reform under a new name.

I was once in a band with a singer whose problem wasn’t alcohol but was just as disruptive. He fired the whole band after a gig, then called a few days later to try to recruit me for his new band. I had to tell him I was already in a new band with all the other guys he fired. He was not pleased, but we did quite well and carried on successfully for years.

 

[Sixgunn]

Well, I've decided it's time for me to leave the band I've been with for many years. The band leader is an alcoholic who, after slightly more than halfway through a gig, ruins the rest of of it because he's too drunk to remember what song we're playing, let alone what verse we're in or how the song goes. I'm SO tired of that. Plus I'm not philosophically or musically aligned with anyone else in the band, and I'm just tired of putting in tons of rehearsal hours only to see them all get flushed once the BL gets too drunk.

But, I'm having a surprisingly hard time sending the email to quit. We do have great harmony vocals together, and I love the stages we play on--full PA, subs, etc--and I love the feeling of getting kicked in the back by the subwoofers. But, I really hate having the music get ruined by the BL. The rest of us have talked to him SO many times about keeping a lid on his alcohol consumption but it has never stuck--gigs are his private beer party and I feel like I'm just providing party music for him. So it's definitely time to go, and it'll open me up to new things, but I hate the thought that at my age (52) I might not get to play on those sorts of stages again.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

Tom

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

 

[jnewmark]

Its your decision in the end, and you're getting some good advice here. But, an email to quit ? I personally would not do it this way; you at least owe it to the rest of the band to resign in person. Call for a meeting, or at least do a Zoom/conference call, discuss your concerns and your decision to leave. Part as friends, if possible. Just sending an email seems like a cold way of leaving a group you have been through the wars with for " many years ". Imho, of course.

 

[Sixgunn]

Why not just start singing songs without the BL ? like when he gets drunk just have him play tambourine on the side or something, and then you and the others do songs without him ?

That'd be a non-starter for me. Being in a band with a drunk(s) is not acceptable for me.

 

[H Carr]

There is a concept called the Gig Triangle that addresses the problem of whether to keep or leave a band situation. The three parts:
1. The Music - Are you playing music you enjoy?
2. The Money - Is the money you make from this band gig acceptable to you?
3. The People - Are you enjoying “the hang” with your bandmates?

The theory is that you need to have at least 2 of the three to make this band situation worth your while. If you don’t have at least 2, leaving is very likely your best option.

Google “Gig Triangle” to find a few articles that explain the idea in more depth.

I have used the Gig Triangle to positive results over the years.

Good luck!

 

[21DaHoagie12]

You and the rest of the band should be total savages and kick the band leader out of the band and get a non-alcoholic to take his place and just keep playing the same venues but for real though, why should you and the rest of the band have to suffer for his addictions, especially when you've discussed it with him already and everyone else feels the same as you.. why does one alcoholic get all the power over the band just because he calls himself the "band leader" when they don't have power over their own addictions. From the sounds of it, at this point your gigs are almost enabling his alcoholism; kick his arse out, see how many gigs and free beers he gets while trying to perform wasted by himself, and see how many gigs you and the band get with a real singer.. maybe firing him will be the wake up call he needs to get his crap together, and you guys will finally be rid of a nuisance and music can be fun again.

 

[robo_bass]

It's a small business, and it deals with supply and demand. No demand, high supply = no honey, no money. It's not personal, do what you have to do. Try not to burn bridges.