Once again I must respectfully disagree. I've been in the music industry since I was 12. So, for 5 decades I've been on the move with others who travel FAR more than I did. While, in theory, your point is well taken....take a look at the Tour Date Calendars of Most Big Bands, Management and Staff, or Performers and you'll see than many of them travel from 200 to 350 days a year....and they're happily married.....many with kids. You learn to ride the wave as it carries you on its back because nobody knows when the crash will come.
Like anything else we need to decide what we want to do with our lives.....how serious we want to be with the gifts which we're given. If a Weekend Warrior we Wish to be, that's a WHOLE different ball game.
There's a major caveat that comes with the kind of schedule: what kind of $$$ are those major players earning? That's a tremendous sticking point if you're making music a big part of your life. The outlay of time and effort ultimately has to translate to a positive outcome for your loved ones. If you make a good enough living on the road to be able to support a family, then yes, that kind of arrangement can work.
Oh, and let me add to the Northampton lovefest, too. I played a gig up there a couple of years ago and I was definitely taken with the charm of the town. And the fact that there was a Newbury Comics AND another indie record shop right across the street from each other? I could go back there just for that!
As for balancing music and some semblance of a social life? You absolutely need to start prioritizing. But where to start? For me the job gets scheduled first. Why? Because if your paycheck from that job is how you're paying your bills it's an easy decision to make.
So what comes next on the scheduling priority list? That's a tough determination to make. So what criteria do you use? Is it a measure of what's the most important to you? Or scheduling convenience? In this case I chose music. And it boiled down to the fact that it can be much more difficult to schedule 4 or 5 people as opposed to only 2.
After that? Then you can look at your free time and see where you can make time for your social life, relationships and friends. Does this seem borderline ruthless? Possibly. But if you want to squeeze all of these things into your life you have to find a way to make that work.
You've got the added factor of freelance work, Rio. As do a number of other people, because the job market isn't so hot. So again, you need to figure out for yourself how important that work is to you in the scope of everything else. How important is that additional income to your life?
As for my own situation? I suspect that it's similar to your own, Rio. I live and gig(ged) in the NYC area ever since I got out of college. And I did so as a single guy for a lot of that time while working my day job. I also work in a 24/7 business (that also seems to attract plenty of other musicians), and I managed to work music around that schedule.
When I met my wife I had been gigging very steadily for a while. It was part of my identity as we got to know one another. She accepted that and was very supportive. That's due in part to who she is as a person, and also because of her profession. She's a chef, and people work in the food business largely based on their passion for the work. And the lifestyle of chefs is not dissimilar to that of a musician.
When I got married? My gig schedule remained pretty much the same, although I started to guard my personal time a little more jealously. And when some major events or work conflicts came up? I got a sub to fill in for me.
When we had our little girl? Then, that was time to make some significant decisions. I told the band that I was taking paternity leave for at least 3 months. My thoughts were that I would need some time to assess things while we had a newborn at home. But the financial reality of having a newborn at home hit, and it quickly became apparent that both my wife and I needed to work fulltime. And the way the schedule worked out we needed to set our priorities: work, childcare, and then everything else. But those first two things? HUGELY IMPORTANT. And it became very clear that I could not give the band the time that they needed, and had to make the very tough decision to quit. For now, at least.
These were my choices, Rio. You are going to have a whole set of events and conditions come up in your life and you're going to have to determine which are the most important for you. Have a smart phone? Get well acquainted with the calendar and start setting up your schedule. Put EVERYTHING in there: work, rehearsal, dates, etc. Sometimes looking at your schedule laid out in that visual format can help you make some decisions regarding your schedule. And it might make managing your schedule a little easier.
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