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How long to give a disappeared member

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by BklynKen, Mar 28, 2013.


  1. So I started playing with a singer/guitarist at the end of Nov. We came up with some great songs, and even more after we found a drummer a couple of months later. A little over a month after finding the drummer, we played out for the first time. We had seven original songs. Went well. That was March 8. That was the last time we saw the singer/guitarist, and the last communication was a text message from him a few days later, just answering my question about a new song's title. We haven't heard from him since. I'm getting impatient and want to get back on track. Trying to figure out how long is reasonable to give. I think we were building something really good. But unless he's dead or in a coma, I think this is really uncool and disrespectful to me and the drummer. Even if you're having some serious problems, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to get a simple message asking to give you a couple of weeks or whatnot.

    Thanks.
     
  2. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    Time's already up, if you ask me.
     
  3. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009
    MEXICANADAMERICA
    if he's met his soul-mate, he'll be worthless when he returns. send out the pink slip, IMHO. :(
     
  4. Mushroo

    Mushroo Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2007
    Massachusetts, USA
    He's just not that into you.
     
  5. Raymeous

    Raymeous

    Jul 2, 2010
    San Diego
    It could be one of those "moms in the hospital things".

    At this point I would be discussing with the drummer about starting a new band. Do NOT touch any of the existing material, just start fresh. If MIA shows back up you two can decide whether or not you want to keep the existing band going or not.

    I would avoid sending any hate mail just yet but a friendly toned text about "How are things going? Anything we can do to help?" Tell him/her up front that you and drummer are looking to start a new project simply because you want to keep playing.
     
  6. Jazzdogg

    Jazzdogg Less barking, more wagging!

    Jul 29, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    If he isn't mature or responsible enough to communicate with you, do you really want to be in a band with him?

    If you answer in the affirmative, you've effectively surrendered your right to complain when he acts irresponsibly.
     
  7. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike

    Nov 18, 2005
    Maybe he's sick...

    My brother's sister in-law developed a severe case of pneumonia and was put in intensive care THREE WEEKS ago.

    She has been on a ventilator ,a bed that rocks the body back and forth ,had all kinds of stuff hooked up to her as her heart started failing as well . All this and they gave her meds to paralyze her as well.

    She is a little better but may not live much longer because of the damage done.

    Im not hijacking ,but consider a scenario as this until you have evidence otherwise.
     
  8. RustyAxe

    RustyAxe

    Jul 8, 2008
    Connecticut
    Have you checked Riker's Island? Just a (evil) thought.
     
  9. the yeti

    the yeti

    Nov 6, 2007
    raleigh, nc
    I think it's done.
     
  10. Basshappi

    Basshappi

    Feb 12, 2007
    Tucson,AZ
    You don't have enough info to make an informed decision.
    Start putting together a new project with your drummer and keep moving forward. If the guitarist shows up again, have a talk about the situation and then decide wheather or not to continue working with him.
     
  11. Woah, sorry to hear about your brother's sister in-law, Mike. Yeah, really could be anything. Drummer isn't sure either how long to give before making a decision.
     
  12. IPYF

    IPYF

    Mar 31, 2011
    This might sound facetious but did you try giving the guy a ring? You know, to ask him what's up?
     
  13. Beej

    Beej

    Feb 10, 2007
    Victoria, BC
    I'd probably just throw out a couple of options for regular weekly practice nights that you and the drummer already have set up. See if he responds with a preference and go from there. If it's a regular thing and other grown ups are depending on you to be there, its harder to just avoid it. Especially if you meet and jam with the drummer for two weeks in a row and then contact him and say what's up.

    You could also text him and say you found a rhythm guitarist and were thinking of auditioning him for the band, but "obviously I need your input, man!" And see how he responds.

    If you still get nothing, try texting him and asking him if he minds if you use some of your songs with another band. If you don't get a response, you can consider him incognito and just move on... :D
     
  14. Yes. The drummer called him and left a voicemail and I sent a text. Nothing. Unfortunately I know no one in common with him so I can't ask anyone if he's ok.
     
  15. I haven't heard from one of my guitarists since September. We were just putting the band together so needless to say that hasn't happened.
     
  16. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    WI
    Is the band cancelling gigs because of his absence?

    Blue
     
  17. Nev375

    Nev375

    Nov 2, 2010
    Missouri
    Do you know where he works? Is he making it to work ok?
     
  18. We had no scheduled gigs.

    He doesn't have any sort of regular office job, so I can't use that.

    Hopefully getting together with the drummer later to discuss what to do.
     
  19. No communication/reply means it’s over and time to move on.
     
  20. Biggbass

    Biggbass

    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    Time to move on.
     

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