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How long to give a disappeared member

BklynKen

BklynKen

Mar 25, 2011
13,539
101,956
Brooklyn, NY, Earth
#1
So I started playing with a singer/guitarist at the end of Nov. We came up with some great songs, and even more after we found a drummer a couple of months later. A little over a month after finding the drummer, we played out for the first time. We had seven original songs. Went well. That was March 8. That was the last time we saw the singer/guitarist, and the last communication was a text message from him a few days later, just answering my question about a new song's title. We haven't heard from him since. I'm getting impatient and want to get back on track. Trying to figure out how long is reasonable to give. I think we were building something really good. But unless he's dead or in a coma, I think this is really uncool and disrespectful to me and the drummer. Even if you're having some serious problems, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to get a simple message asking to give you a couple of weeks or whatnot.

Thanks.
 
#5
It could be one of those "moms in the hospital things".

At this point I would be discussing with the drummer about starting a new band. Do NOT touch any of the existing material, just start fresh. If MIA shows back up you two can decide whether or not you want to keep the existing band going or not.

I would avoid sending any hate mail just yet but a friendly toned text about "How are things going? Anything we can do to help?" Tell him/her up front that you and drummer are looking to start a new project simply because you want to keep playing.
 
#7
Maybe he's sick...

My brother's sister in-law developed a severe case of pneumonia and was put in intensive care THREE WEEKS ago.

She has been on a ventilator ,a bed that rocks the body back and forth ,had all kinds of stuff hooked up to her as her heart started failing as well . All this and they gave her meds to paralyze her as well.

She is a little better but may not live much longer because of the damage done.

Im not hijacking ,but consider a scenario as this until you have evidence otherwise.
 
#10
You don't have enough info to make an informed decision.
Start putting together a new project with your drummer and keep moving forward. If the guitarist shows up again, have a talk about the situation and then decide wheather or not to continue working with him.
 
#13
I'd probably just throw out a couple of options for regular weekly practice nights that you and the drummer already have set up. See if he responds with a preference and go from there. If it's a regular thing and other grown ups are depending on you to be there, its harder to just avoid it. Especially if you meet and jam with the drummer for two weeks in a row and then contact him and say what's up.

You could also text him and say you found a rhythm guitarist and were thinking of auditioning him for the band, but "obviously I need your input, man!" And see how he responds.

If you still get nothing, try texting him and asking him if he minds if you use some of your songs with another band. If you don't get a response, you can consider him incognito and just move on... :D
 

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