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How to approach a touchy subject

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#81
^^^^ thanks for the above posts. i think the issue is that most of the posters read one or two comments, get bent out of shape and speak there initial reaction without bothering to read everything else thats been written. i completely understand there reactions. thank you guys, and yes, while the issue doesnt seem so pressing to me anymore, i personally am going to play however i have fun playing
 
#82
lowgun said:
^^^^ thanks for the above posts. i think the issue is that most of the posters read one or two comments, get bent out of shape and speak there initial reaction without bothering to read everything else thats been written. i completely understand there reactions. thank you guys, and yes, while the issue doesnt seem so pressing to me anymore, i personally am going to play however i have fun playing
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Let's just hope the fatties don't do the same thing.....right???? ;)
 
#83
lowgun said:
it is a small world :p
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'Tis. When I was checking your FB page to see what grotesque monsters your guitarists must be, the first pic was you chilling w/ Wally W.

FWIW, neither guitarist is the leviathan I expected given the conversation here. (One guitarist doesn't look much stockier than your drummer.) The whole image-management thing seems a bit of a non-issue, as long as they don't make a habit of gigging shirtless. And on that front, the advice above about leading by example is spot-on.
 
#84
lowgun said:
Let me start by saying I'm not trying to offend anybody with this thread. I need serious input.

My band played a gig on saturday night. We packed the venue, everybody had a great time, the energy was the best its ever been.... maybe the energy was just a tad too high...let me explain.

My drummer and I play shirts off, when the venue allows it. My drummer is a 28 yr old Lacross coach, hes in excellent shape and very popular with the ladies. I'm 22, 6'2'', 180 lbs and go to the gym 4 times a week. We both eat right and take care of ourselves physically and it shows.

The two lead singers/guitarists are a different story. Both are fairly overweight, drink alcohol instead of water, and eat at sheetz exclusively. One is extremely hairy. Great musicians, not pretty people....

anyway, back to the energy being too high.....we were all really getting into it, and those two decided they would remove their shirts as well. Thats NEVER happened before except once in the studio. I dont care, i love the two of them and they are free to look any way they want...but it was kinda scary, and turned off some of the crowd. the girls up front dancing stepped back a little, and a few that id never seen before even left.

after the show my drummer comes to me and says "dude, that cant happen..."

I agree with him. How would you guys approach telling your band mates to either hit the gym or leave there shirts on? or are my drummer and i unfounded?

*edit: the hairy one is already a VERY touchy individual, worth noting
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The two with their shirts off should keep them on-"problem" solved.
 
#85
lowgun said:
My drummer and I play shirts off, when the venue allows it. My drummer is a 28 yr old Lacross coach, hes in excellent shape and very popular with the ladies. I'm 22, 6'2'', 180 lbs and go to the gym 4 times a week. We both eat right and take care of ourselves physically and it shows.
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Dude, I'm 5'7'' and weigh in at 175lbs of muscle. I'm in shape. You're a toothpick :eek:
 
#93
Well, the overwhelming consensus is for you ALL to keep your shirts on. Obviously there are going to be guys here who will say, " Play however you feel comfortable", but keep in mind these will be the same guys usually seen barefoot on stage. I guess what it comes down to in my mind is that you can either take the advice of guys who have up'ed their game and know what looks professional and conveys a certain kind of image, which gets you more consistent, better paying gigs, or you can continue to believe playing shirtless and barefoot is " Cool"/ and or SAFE.

Either way I could care less, but when you say you are worried about your image because your 2 fat band mates took their shirts off, it would lead one to assume you actually care about your image and unless you are a very famous, established act, your image is not helped by appearing on stage without a shirt or shoes.

Just my opinion.
 
#95
Floyd Eye said:
Well, the overwhelming consensus is for you ALL to keep your shirts on. Obviously there are going to be guys here who will say, " Play however you feel comfortable", but keep in mind these will be the same guys usually seen barefoot on stage. I guess what it comes down to in my mind is that you can either take the advice of guys who have up'ed their game and know what looks professional and conveys a certain kind of image, which gets you more consistent, better paying gigs, or you can continue to believe playing shirtless and barefoot is " Cool"/ and or SAFE.

Either way I could care less, but when you say you are worried about your image because your 2 fat band mates took their shirts off, it would lead one to assume you actually care about your image and unless you are a very famous, established act, your image is not helped by appearing on stage without a shirt or shoes.

Just my opinion.
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the feedback we've been getting from the audience and the other two members of the band says that this is working, hence y I posted this thread. I may come off as vain douche to some people on here and I accept that. I value you opinion and thank you for it

btw if anywhere allowed it I would totally play barefoot :) someday when im feeling extra masochistic ill start a thread on that!
 
#96
Floyd Eye said:
or you can continue to believe playing shirtless and barefoot is " Cool"/ and or SAFE.
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I’d be more worried about getting hit by a lightning strike than dying from an electrical shock on stage because you don’t have a shirt on!!!

FWIW: Over the years, I’ve personally preformed countless times barefoot (however, I don’t recommend playing barefoot with dumb sound hacks equipment). ;)
 
#97
lowgun said:
the feedback we've been getting from the audience and the other two members of the band says that this is working, hence y I posted this thread. I may come off as vain douche to some people on here and I accept that. I value you opinion and thank you for it

btw if anywhere allowed it I would totally play barefoot :) someday when im feeling extra masochistic ill start a thread on that!
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Because you think barefeet are safe on a stage? Electric shock, broken glass, these are real considerations. And unless you are a hot chick with sexy feet, there is not a person alive who wants to look at your nasty ass toes. I promise you that if I go to see a band and they have no shoes on, I'm leaving.
 
#99
lowgun said:
I can say with conviction my guitarists are above that sort of passive aggressive nonsense. if they wanted me to put my shirt on they would simply say so, and I would take no offense. good questions yes, but the answer is no
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You know, in all of this, the statement above really caught my eye.

If they would have no problem talking to you about something you're doing that they didn't like, what would be wrong with you doing the same?

If they could dish it out but not take it, that's an issue.

If the real issue here is that the thought of the possible confrontation makes you uneasy, then it's within your ability to change that.

As with most any mature relationship, all parties involved should be able to express their opinions and receive constructive criticism in a calm manner. Unfortunately, this is often not the case (I have a bit of conflict avoidance in my personality, so don't think I'm being all 'holier than thou', I'm usually the pacifier in the groups I'm in), but if they feel comfortable talking to you about issues, maybe you could do the same? If not, then there might be some deeper issues that could lead to trouble later.
 
#100
BayStateBass said:
You know, in all of this, the statement above really caught my eye.

If they would have no problem talking to you about something you're doing that they didn't like, what would be wrong with you doing the same?

If they could dish it out but not take it, that's an issue.

If the real issue here is that the thought of the possible confrontation makes you uneasy, then it's within your ability to change that.

As with most any mature relationship, all parties involved should be able to express their opinions and receive constructive criticism in a calm manner. Unfortunately, this is often not the case (I have a bit of conflict avoidance in my personality, so don't think I'm being all 'holier than thou', I'm usually the pacifier in the groups I'm in), but if they feel comfortable talking to you about issues, maybe you could do the same? If not, then there might be some deeper issues that could lead to trouble later.
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good point. ive thought about that and it WAS the reason for my original post. i wanted advice on how to go about talking to them. weight and body image in this country are a very touchy issue. when my guitarists and i have a difference of opinion or don't like something, we approach eachother without issue. the bottom line is they HAVENT approached me and told me they don't like it, so i no its not a problem. in this particular, touchy, situation, i wanted advice from others on if i should be tactful or blunt or whatever. that's all
 
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