Humorous yet meaninful quotes

[kobass]

"The more he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[MartinG1957]

Favourite Churchill one:
Lady said to him pointing to his rather large belly:
"Winston, if I saw that on a young lady I would say she was pregnant!"
"Madam, it was and she is."

 

[curbowkid]

Favourite Churchill one:
Lady said to him pointing to his rather large belly:
"Winston, if I saw that on a young lady I would say she was pregnant!"
"Madam, it was and she is."

Yes! Kinky is to use a feather, perverted is too use the whole bird

 

[shadowtippy]

If you think sex isn't dirty, you're not doing it right.

 

[MartinG1957]

From the great Sir Terry Pratchett:

Gods like to have the odd atheist around....gives them something to aim at....

 

[itsmeagain]

violence is not the answer. it is the question. and YES. -Sorenson

 

[Bloodhammer]

"Look, Dee! I can't explain it alright? There's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine catfood, beer and glue. It makes you feel like, extremely sick and tired and you're able to fall asleep."


"Uh, later dudes. S you in your A's. Don't wear a C. And J all over your B's."


"I just want to get black out drunk and relax."



~Charlie Kelly

 

[NoiseNinja]

A psychotic is a guy who’s just found out what’s going on.

That's a great quote by William S. Burroughs, the whole quote is:

“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.”

 

[curbowkid]

That's a great quote by William S. Burroughs, the whole quote is:

“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.”

Love it!

 

[MatticusMania]

When people speak of coincidence I tell them I believe in no such thing.
When people say that something was a coinky-dink, I slap them in their stupid face and tell them it was fate... they had it coming.

~Matticus Von Peterkin

 

[Mr L]

Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain.

Friedrich Schiller

 

[RitchS]

Nice catch; it's a misquotation of the Tao Te Ching

Original (translated):
"The thirty spokes unite in the one nave; but it is on the empty
space (for the axle), that the use of the wheel depends. Clay is
fashioned into vessels; but it is on their empty hollowness, that
their use depends. The door and windows are cut out (from the walls)
to form an apartment; but it is on the empty space (within), that its
use depends. Therefore, what has a (positive) existence serves for
profitable adaptation, and what has not that for (actual) usefulness."

I think I just had a stroke.

 

[RitchS]

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Anybody want a peanut?"

"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you"

"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

From the most quotable movie ever...The Princess Bride.

 

[bassinplace]

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.” - Frank Zappa

 

[two fingers]

VVVVVV See my signature VVVVVV

 

[Roscoe East]

Lady Astor: "Sir Winston, you are drunk". Winston Churchill; "My Lady, I may be drunk but you are ugly. In the morning, I will be sober but, you will still be ugly".

Lady Astor to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

I suspect all these Churchill vs Astor quotes are apochryphal, but they're still hysterical! My favorite:

Winston Churchill: "Would you sleep with me for ten million pounds?"

Lady Astor: "I believe I would."

Winston Churchill: "Would you sleep with me for a tupence?"

Lady Astor: "Certainly not! What do you think I am?!?!"

Winston Churchill: "Oh, we've already ascertained what you are; now we're just negotiating on the fee."

 

[EricF]

That's a great quote by William S. Burroughs, the whole quote is:

“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.”

This reminds me of...

"I may not know what's going on, but I know what's NOT going on."

- An ex-coworker (one of the most irritating and moronic people I've ever met).

 

[Geroi Asfalta]

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

 

[Roscoe East]

Just came across this one today in an xkcd comic:

"If you spend nine minutes of your time to save a dollar,
you're working for less than minimum wage."

 

[guitar ed]

A woman at a dinner party, to an inebriated Winston Churchill: "You, sir, are drunk." Winston: "Yes, madam, I am drunk. But you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober."


"Marriage is an institution. And I'm not ready for an institution." - Mae West.

"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids." - Annon.




edg