...no worries... everyone pops off now and again... if anyone put a hand on my instrument, I'd be in their face in a New York minute. If they ask politely, I say "no".
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I am the A-hole, but how bad?
- Thread starter Cousin Iggy
- Start date
Eh. I dont mind if bandmates touch my things, so long as they put them back in the exact way they were before.II also trust that should something get messed up, they'll do right by me, because they have before. I'm sorry you guys don't have that kind of relationship with your mates.
Alas, your biggest crime is starting a sentence with, so.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
Nothing wrong with being protective of your equipment, but you handled it wrong. You either should have said something as soon as he picked it up, or when you did, not "gone off on him", but say he should have asked FIRST, and certainly not with a plate of food.
Scale of 1-10, I'd put it at a 6.5...
Scale of 1-10, I'd put it at a 6.5...
I think Joe Nerve got it. Our band lost a great house job by the guitarist showed up late and said some things " no one would hear" but the P.A. did.
FWIW, my bass goes back in the case if it's not strapped on me. A little extra effort that saves frayed nerves and pays off at resale.
FWIW, my bass goes back in the case if it's not strapped on me. A little extra effort that saves frayed nerves and pays off at resale.
Your complaint was legitimate. Your mistake was losing it like that at a gig. The time for that would be after the gig, in private, and elsewhere. Assuming it was actually necessary (a foul mouthed tirade seldom ever is) since nothing got damaged. So a quiet but firm: "I really don't appreciate it when somebody uses my gear without asking me about it first. So going forward, nuff said?" would have done it far better.
And it would have delivered the same message ("don't touch my stuff!") without the drama or subsequent collateral damage.
So yeah. You cratered on that one. Big time.
Note: For the record, I don't get all hyper protective about my gear with most people unless I'm dealing with a drunk from the audience. And as @The Nameless said earlier, if you don't have a bass you're comfortable roading, and you can't trust every member in your band around your gear, then you've got a problem. Not your band's problem. Not the world's problem. Your problem.
If you're roading something you can't afford to loose (for financial or emotional reasons) then you need to get yourself some gear just for gigging. And if you don't have complete implicit trust in your bandmates then you really need to find yourself another band.
Addendum: a good lead singer/frontman is a lot harder to replace than a good bass player. Food for thought.
And it would have delivered the same message ("don't touch my stuff!") without the drama or subsequent collateral damage.
So yeah. You cratered on that one. Big time.
Note: For the record, I don't get all hyper protective about my gear with most people unless I'm dealing with a drunk from the audience. And as @The Nameless said earlier, if you don't have a bass you're comfortable roading, and you can't trust every member in your band around your gear, then you've got a problem. Not your band's problem. Not the world's problem. Your problem.
If you're roading something you can't afford to loose (for financial or emotional reasons) then you need to get yourself some gear just for gigging. And if you don't have complete implicit trust in your bandmates then you really need to find yourself another band.
Addendum: a good lead singer/frontman is a lot harder to replace than a good bass player. Food for thought.
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The LS was clearly out of line and needed to be told. Just not then and there because as you saw, emotions can get away from you.
This may be very hard for you to do, but can you talk to the LS and bring him back to the band? Reasonable people would agree that you were both acting poorly, shake hands and get back to making music.
This may be very hard for you to do, but can you talk to the LS and bring him back to the band? Reasonable people would agree that you were both acting poorly, shake hands and get back to making music.
there's no sense in waiting till you were upset and the dam burst. next time, stop it before it happens. nicely go get your bass. next time, put it in a locking case and lock it.
i would have gone over as soon as i saw him pick up my bass (and i've actually done this) and gently removed it from his greasy hands with a "please don't play my stuff". a clueless guy, he could have also damaged my amp, and i betcha he wouldn't have offered to pay for repair or replacement, either. but then people who have played in bands with me would never have grabbed my bass at a show, much less without asking.
i would have gone over as soon as i saw him pick up my bass (and i've actually done this) and gently removed it from his greasy hands with a "please don't play my stuff". a clueless guy, he could have also damaged my amp, and i betcha he wouldn't have offered to pay for repair or replacement, either. but then people who have played in bands with me would never have grabbed my bass at a show, much less without asking.
Here in Texas we consider our guitars, basses, banjos, etc like our hats. You touch it without permission and you bring on the wrath of the Kraken.
I would have gone to the stage and given them a dose of reality. But it sounds, if you have only been doing this for 18 months, like you're in a band of rookies. So poor decisions come with that territory.
However, if they can' stand the stink they need to get out of the barn.
I would have gone to the stage and given them a dose of reality. But it sounds, if you have only been doing this for 18 months, like you're in a band of rookies. So poor decisions come with that territory.
However, if they can' stand the stink they need to get out of the barn.
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The only thing you did wrong was not put the brakes on it when you saw him put a plate of barbecue on your amp. If he quit over a few heated words then good riddance. If the rest of the band is mad that's just too bad.
I also try to look out for other people's gear as much as my own. If I saw our singer get behind the drums or pick up a guitar, I'd tell him he might want to check with the guitar player or drummer first. I'd expect them to do the same for me. So yeah...fire the drummer.
I also try to look out for other people's gear as much as my own. If I saw our singer get behind the drums or pick up a guitar, I'd tell him he might want to check with the guitar player or drummer first. I'd expect them to do the same for me. So yeah...fire the drummer.
He should know you never touch another's gear without first asking. I think you should have done it differently. I have done exactly this. go up on stage and in a calm voice tell him to put your bass down and not to touch it again without asking.
I always assume that everything you say on stage can be heard by the audience.
I hate to be a downer but I'd agree with this. The proper time to deal with this would have been to walk up and head him off before he got the bass working. A simple, "excuse me, what are you doing, I don't appreciate people messing with my equipment." or something along those lines probably would have been enough.
If he had gotten insistent at that point that he was a hidden bass talent than the conversation should have been "let's just finish this gig and discuss it later."
The drummer is guilty of not respecting your equipment or your feelings on someone messing with it.
At the minimum the explosive comments and conversation should wait til the gig is over.
Just my thoughts, as someone who has dealt with this exact situation.
Ha! I've dropped my bass more often than anyone else. My bass was, is, fine. Anyone can play my bass at any time. I discourage some drunk audience members. But the guys in my band? Come on. I don't live in what if and worst case scenarios. And I don't carry million dollar basses to 50 dollar gigs.
I would say a good 7.5 on the scale of *******. Step in immediately or let it pass
You have severe anger management issues. Is that somehow not obvious to you?
If this was my band I'd have fired you on the spot. What your issue was is irrelevant.
Thank you all. Lots of great (and opposing) points here. I appreciate all of them.
Yes, I have (non music) things that I need to work on: asserting myself without being a jerk is a crucial social skill that I am bad at.
For me the crux of it was his use of the word 'let'. That was made it a problem. I was actually semi-ok with him playing it. I was only planning on talking to the BL afterwards and asking that is not happen again, water under the bridge, etc. That presumption of permission just seemed like a slap in the face.
Again, I thank you all.
Yes, I have (non music) things that I need to work on: asserting myself without being a jerk is a crucial social skill that I am bad at.
For me the crux of it was his use of the word 'let'. That was made it a problem. I was actually semi-ok with him playing it. I was only planning on talking to the BL afterwards and asking that is not happen again, water under the bridge, etc. That presumption of permission just seemed like a slap in the face.
Again, I thank you all.
