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I AM THE DEVIL AND I KILLED JESUS!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Papazita, Apr 22, 2009.


  1. Papazita

    Papazita

    Jun 27, 2008
    Ohio
    ...according to the insane old man who called my cell four times tonight looking for a price on a 50-pound bag of bird seed.

    Call #1
    Me: Hello?
    Caller: Hello?
    Me: Who is this?
    Caller: Wha...what in the h%&$ kinda way is that to answer a phone?
    Me: Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

    *click*

    Call #2
    Me: Hello?
    Caller: Now listen, I just called your store and one a your guys was awfully d**& rude to m...
    Me: I'm not a store. You have the wrong number.
    Caller:...ain't this Lowe's?
    Me: (sighs) ...no.
    Idiot: Well I'm lookin for a price on a bag of bird seed. A big bag. 50 pounds.
    Me: Wrong. Number.
    Dips@!*: I'll hold.

    *click*

    15 minutes later...

    Call #3
    Me: (sigh...) Wrong number.
    Time Vampire: Don't you people know how to work your god*&( phones? Now listen; you put me on hold and ain't nobody been answerin. I been waitin for near 10 god^&@# minutes!
    Me: This. Is not. Lowe's. Wrong. Number.
    Corporal Crazy: So put me on the right god_+)^ number, then!
    Me: Wrong...
    Lieutenant Looney: OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU AIN'T PUTTIN ME ON HOLD AGAIN! OH MY JESUS GOD, HE'S PUTTIN ME ON HOLD AGAIN! OH LORD COME AND TAKE ME NOW! HOW GOD{=-^ F@#%ING LONG IS IT GONNA BE THIS TIME?
    Me: :eek: ...uh...
    Admiral Numbnutz: BIRD! SEED!
    Me: ...HOT! DOGS!
    Psycho: Oh you think you're real funny, dontcha? You think you're real f^%*ing funny. Well it ain't gonna be so funny when you get fired cuz a this, is it? YOU'RE THE DEVIL! YOU'RE THE GOD^%* DEVIL! YOU KILLED JESUS! BIRD SEED! 50 POUNDS! PRICE! NOW! SEED! BIRD! OH SWEET JESUS GOD HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
    Me: :eek: :eek: :confused: :help: ....please hold.

    *click*

    Call #4
    Me: F&^# off.

    *click*

    Aaaand that number got blocked! :D
     
  2. bongomania

    bongomania Gold Supporting Member Commercial User

    Oct 17, 2005
    PDX, OR
    owner, OVNIFX and OVNILabs
    Wow, how on earth did CK1 get your phone number?
     
  3. Papazita

    Papazita

    Jun 27, 2008
    Ohio
    hyperhypo.
     
  4. Oh no.. "blocked"? Id'a had fun with this for days...lol
     
  5. Papazita

    Papazita

    Jun 27, 2008
    Ohio
    Normally, I would agree, but this freak just plain ticked me off. :rollno:
     
  6. Hi.

    Hilarious, thanks for posting. Usually it's people who have just got a "new" phone number, doesn't matter whether a line or cell.

    A friend of mine won a sex store number in that "lottery". Now that was a bag of goodies if there ever was one.

    Another one had one damn number different, an adjacent one of course, from a pizza delivery place, great also. Especially at 3am. Obviously (over here anyway) the place was closed by that time, but it doesn't stop you from calling them anyway.

    Needless to say, both had their numbers re-newed :D (the "pizza guy" had his number prior to the pizza place, but thought changing his was easier anyway + 10 pizzas for free IIRC).

    Regards
    Sam
     
  7. rr5025

    rr5025

    Nov 12, 2008
    If I was you I'd call that dude every morning at 3am and play bird calls over the phone or something. Nonsensical religious babbling could also work.
     
  8. Bocete

    Bocete My E string is 36 1/4" long

    Sep 30, 2006
    This topic has made my day :p

    Silly insane people..

    My home phone number is a slight permutation of one of the phones of the national TV station. Every now and than we get called instead of the station, and after a while started playing along. People are stubborn, you have to say "wrong number" more than a few times to get them to type the proper number.

    Anyway, one of the shows on that television is called Weddings 48. It is an awful reality show about the last 48 hours before a wedding. It should make the people feel better about marriage.. NOT! Anyway, once a woman called my home, I answered. She asked if whe could talk to me about the Weddings show, I said sure.. She told that her wedding is off and started crying :help:
    I hung up after a few seconds. It was a reflex, not a proper thing to do :rollno:
     
  9. doctorjazz

    doctorjazz

    Oct 22, 2006
    Wilmington, NC
    That could be fun. Call him back as the fictitious customer service guy's supervisor at Lowe's and say that you've reviewed the incident and have ordered the customer service rep to make a personal apology. Tell him to go to Lowe's and ask to see Jim about it.

    That ought to make some Lowe's employee's day a little more interesting. Especially if there just happens to be somebody named Jim working at your local Lowe's.
     
  10. WickedPissah

    WickedPissah

    Jan 22, 2008
    Boston
    I've gotten calls for carpet cleaning appointments, cancer treatment appointments, and to pick up a diamond at a store, all because I have a new cell phone number.
     
  11. Otso

    Otso

    Mar 6, 2006
    Finland
    The phone at my parents place always gets calls from someone asking in and Indian accent "May I talk to your supply manager please?". The phone number of the company they're trying to call is only one digit different different than my parents phone number. If I ever happen to be there when they call, maybe I should just order a load of office supplies for whatever company they're trying to call.
     
  12. Relic

    Relic Cow are you?

    Sep 12, 2006
    Robbinsville, NJ
    personally, I find the idea of someone speaking Finnish with an Indian accent far more intriguing then the conversation about wrong numbers.
     
  13. I'm going to use that hot dogs response next time I have a wrong number a-hole :)
     
  14. Otso

    Otso

    Mar 6, 2006
    Finland
    No sorry but she was speaking English. Made it even more of a surprise the first time I picked up the phone...

    Oh, and one morning this week, someone called me in the morning to buy my Toyota. I don't have even a car.
     
  15. D Rokk

    D Rokk Banned

    Feb 19, 2009
    Delta Quadrant
    when my parents changed there phone number 8 years later they were still getting calls for the previous owner... and they'd argue with you.. i'd be like listen you obviously havent even talked to "joe" in 8 years cause thats how long he's been without this phone number
     
  16. BurningSkies

    BurningSkies CRAZY BALDHEAD Supporting Member

    Feb 20, 2005
    Seweracuse, NY
    Sounds like some prank calling to me.
     
  17. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    Several years back I was doing a shift on the ambulance and we had a great big old cell phone mounted on the wall between the cab and the box to call in patient reports on.

    Out of the blue, it rings. I didn't even know you could call in on it. It was someone trying to call the complaint line for the local mass transit system. I told him about fourteen times that he'd called an ambulance and I couldn't do anything about his complaint before I gave up on him understanding and I hung up on him. As soon as I hung up, it rang again, once again it was someone trying to call the complaint line who didn't believe me when I told her she'd called a wrong number. Then it happened again. And again. And agan.

    After several of these calls, my partner is getting pretty amused at me snarling at idiots on the phone. Then next time it rang he snatched it up and answered it as the local mass transit agency. He 'Mm-hmmm'-ed and 'Ah'-ed several times and then said "That sounds like it could be pretty important. Let me give you to my supervisor." He then told me that they were calling because a local rail station had a lot of mud around it because it was new and the grass hadn't come in around it yet. It had rained the night before. The guy he was talking to wanted to know if we would put down plywood over the mud so people wouldn't have to walk through mud.

    Then he handed the phone to me.

    I told the man on the phone that he was confused: "You've misunderstood, sir. That's not a problem. It's a feature. That's part of our new program m to help people get in touch with the filth that is Dallas."

    That time HE hung up.
     
  18. allexcosta

    allexcosta

    Apr 7, 2004
  19. txbasschik

    txbasschik

    Nov 11, 2005
    Leander, Texas
    OMG, that shoulda been on CrankYankers!!! That's priceless! I wonder if that man stroked out over the price of bird seed? "Here Lies Elbert Curmudgeon. His Death Was For The Birds". Really, you gotta watch your temper when you get older. He coulda blown a gasket.

    Why don't people believe it when you tell them they have the wrong number?

    Freaky...

    Cherie
     
  20. Relic

    Relic Cow are you?

    Sep 12, 2006
    Robbinsville, NJ
    "Here Lies Elbert Curmudgeon."

    now tell me that's not the perfect album title??
    Thanks Cherie, we'll credit you on the liner notes :p
     

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