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I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT MEN!!!!!!!

#222
When you think about relationships...any kind of relationship, one thing you will find is that the strongest are the ones where both look at what they have to offer the other, instead of what they can take from the other.

Think of every relationship you have. Typically we have relationships with people where we can use something they have.

How good would your relationship be with your boss, if you didn't use him as an employer? If you don't get that raise you feel you deserve, or you aren't allowed to take that time off you need, is your relationship as good, or is it worse? What are you offering your employer (or does that even matter to you)?

What about your bandmates? How good is your relationship with them, really? Is it as good when they make more demands on your time? Is it as good when, they want you to play that lame song you hate? Or do you think of your relationship as, How much can you do for them, and they feel that way in return?

It's no different than being in a relationship like dating or marriage. The worst relationships are the ones where each is thinking about what they can use the other for (sex, money, cooking and cleaning, babysitting, yard work, etc.). Then when they don't get it, the relationship sours. But the ones that are great, and strong, are the ones where each is always thinking..."What can I do for this person in my life?"

Just something to think about.
 
#226
Sundogue said:
When you think about relationships...any kind of relationship, one thing you will find is that the strongest are the ones where both look at what they have to offer the other, instead of what they can take from the other.

Think of every relationship you have. Typically we have relationships with people where we can use something they have.

How good would your relationship be with your boss, if you didn't use him as an employer? If you don't get that raise you feel you deserve, or you aren't allowed to take that time off you need, is your relationship as good, or is it worse? What are you offering your employer?

What about your bandmates? How good is your relationship with them, really? Is it as good when they make more demands on your time? Is it as good when, they want you to play that lame song you hate? Or do you think of your relationship as, How much can you do for them, and they feel that way in return?

It's no different than being in a relationship like dating or marriage. The worst relationships are the ones where each is thinking about what they can use the other for (sex, money, cooking and cleaning, babysitting, yard work, etc.). Then when they don't get it, the relationship sours. But the ones that are great, and strong, are the ones where each is always thinking..."What can I do for this person in my life?"

Just something to think about.
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Wow you are very wise!

Sounds like "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country!"

That is VERY true! I hear a lot of arguments about what the other person "did to them." I'm guilty too. It's very easy to be a victim. It's a lot harder to be responsible and say "Ok, this thing happened and it's not my fault, but the relationship is MY responsibility, so I'm going to DO something about it."

It cracks me up that the "I give up on men!!" thread was right above the "Women crap me out sometimes" thread for a while. Sounds like there's trouble on both sides, and it's interesting that we all discuss it with each other in the name of a little understanding between the sexes.
 
#227
MakiSupaStar said:
Well as usual. I don't think we're that far apart on our opinions here. I pretty much agree with everything you're saying. Like drinking and smoking. Some people can handle it. Some people can't. Sex is a lot like that. Some couples develop fine with it. Some couples need to develop first before having it. I'd totally agree with that. I've been in both types of successful relationships. The ones that wait (arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh) and then we have great sex. :p And the ones that are bunnies from the beginning. I've also been in the those that fade after the sex too. But I think you and others have touched upon something big here. Your own head is important. You got to check your head before jumping in. Make sure that you don't settle or compromise yourself in your journey toward the right person. Notice I didn't say "search" for the right person. Because if you're searching, you've got an agenda. Agenda creates pressure and deadlines which in turn creates crazy eyes. :D
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You are right on. If you don't even know what you want from your own life, how can anybody else fit into it? When one doesn't know their own self, they can't know another.
 
#234
disenchant said:
Sounds like "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country!"

That is VERY true! I hear a lot of arguments about what the other person "did to them." I'm guilty too. It's very easy to be a victim. It's a lot harder to be responsible and say "Ok, this thing happened and it's not my fault, but the relationship is MY responsibility, so I'm going to DO something about it."

It cracks me up that the "I give up on men!!" thread was right above the "Women crap me out sometimes" thread for a while. Sounds like there's trouble on both sides, and it's interesting that we all discuss it with each other in the name of a little understanding between the sexes.
Click to expand...

Exactly. So many people feel life is just this random, chaotic, coincidental set of circumstances they have no control over. The truth is, your life is whatever you make it to be.

When I talk with couples and one makes complaints about their spouse, the first thing I ask is..."So what are you doing for him/her?" They usually get all belligerent, like "how dare I make them responsible for the other's actions!" They aren't...but they are for their own actions, as well as the benefits or repercussions of those actions.

The truth is (and this applies to EVERYTHING in life), you really do get out of it what you put into it. You create your circumstances. If you feel your spouse is withholding sex from you, or has no desire to have sex with you, the first thing you need to ask yourself is..."What are you doing to make yourself desirable to your spouse? Or are you just using your spouse?" Same thing with arguments (which really are mostly trivial, but lead to big fights and long standing bad feelings). What is more important, your love for each other and your relationship, or being right?

Too often we want to put the blame for every negative thing in our life on something, or someone else. The real question is..."OK, this sucks. Now, what are you doing about it?"
 
#236
RWP said:
This thread is becoming genuinely helpful. :hmm: Could we please get back to the fart jokes? :D MAKI!!!!
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Yeah. Here here. Well if I can say one thing. I think both men and women are confused so we should just all have sex just in case. That way we might figure it out. If we're still confused. We should have sex again. Still confused? Let's have sex a few more times. At least until we get it right. Still confused. Then we should have sex and try harder this time. We should only talk and hold serious discussions while having sex. Watch TV (especially shark week) while having sex. Celebrate happiness and good news while having sex. Read the paper while having sex. Pay the bills while having sex. Only laugh while having sex. Only cry while having sex. Drive the car while having sex. Go on vacation while having sex. Have sex at the zoo. Beach. Park. Forest. When hiking. Picnicking, and while listening to the birds. You should also have sex while gardening and fixing the car. You should try to have sex while playing the bass too. DUH!. Then maybe we might still be confused, but realize that it's a lot of fun trying to figure it all out. :D
 

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