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I finally made up my mind about men!

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#61
disenchant said:
You are so funny!

mom and dad don't know he's moving in yet. i already got the lecture about dating musicians. don't you know they're all druggies? and they'll never make anything of themselves? and we'll end up living in some trailer park in missouri with refrigerators and tires in our front lawn! they'd rather i marry a pizza, because that at least can feed a family of four! :eek:

but, i know what i'm doing. and they can't complain since my mom was 19 when she got married and they got engaged within months of meeting. and i've dated enough duds recently to know when i have something special. :D

he's moving in with me because i own a condo and i'm not ready to sell it. as far as being a stepmom, it's probably going to be weird but i'm 32 and i've been teaching gymnastics for 18 years so i know kids. when we all hung out for the first time he was concerned because his daughter was a bit energetic. i said no problem, i can handle 10 like her at once plus get them all to do cartwheels and handstands! i've been wanting to be a mom for a long time, so a stepmom would be just fine with me! i'm ready for the rough patches along with the great times!

thanks for the happy post! :D
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all joking aside....you know nothing about this person....when you date a person you are not dating them for the first month or so...you are dating their representitive (as chris rock says)....

you can't truly know a person until you learn how they actually act when stuff goes down.....anyone can say..."oh i love kids"..."i'm never jealous"...."i don't have a temper"...etc..

all guys paint the best picture they can....even if they do it subconciously...

you won't know a person until something actually happens and YOU SEE how they react...

i'm a great example....i know every button to push on a girl in the first few weeks....i know how to have the right conversations and tell the right stories (that display qualities about myself i know a girl will respond to) in that dim lit bar over a few drinks....i know how to paint a great picture....i've had more girls head over heals in the first few weeks than i can count.....it's not until a few months that the cracks start to show and they realize i am a freaking mess :bassist:
 
#62
Bayou_Brawler said:
all joking aside....you know nothing about this person....when you date a person you are not dating them for the first month or so...you are dating their representitive (as chris rock says)....

you can't truly know a person until you learn how they actually act when stuff goes down.....anyone can say..."oh i love kids"..."i'm never jealous"...."i don't have a temper"...etc..

all guys paint the best picture they can....even if they do it subconciously...

you won't know a person until something actually happens and YOU SEE how they react...

i'm a great example....i know every button to push on a girl in the first few weeks....i know how to have the right conversations and tell the right stories (that display qualities about myself i know a girl will respond to) in that dim lit bar over a few drinks....i know how to paint a great picture....i've had more girls head over heals in the first few weeks than i can count.....it's not until a few months that the cracks start to show and they realize i am a freaking mess :bassist:
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It's funny to hear people say you can't know someone nor predict their behavior. The cool thing is you CAN. You CAN know someone if you care to really look at who they are...all the indications are there from the first moment you meet. Usually later on, once they do something crazy you look back and say "oh, I should have known when that person did X that it was weird." I think now that I know more about people I'm a better judge of character than I used to be.

And also, people who worry that someone will change later on or that the other person is putting on a "front" is because they themselves are hiding something.

Before I met this guy I did what we call at our Church an Admin Scale. You basically put down everything you want in a significant other, being as specific as possible and also including hopes and goals for the future. Your Ideal Mate. He had done one too. When we met and had the Instant Connection we later compared Admin Scales. I swear, his was a description of me (but remember he hadn't met me when he wrote it) and mine was a description of him (and I hadn't met him either when I wrote it!) He had even written "Asian or interested in Asian culture" and I had written "songwriter." I had been told that writing up an Admin Scale could help me pull in the right person, and also help me identify wrong people. I'm sure it's what dating services have in mind when they match people up, except for some reason it doesn't always work that well for them. Maybe because people lie on those things :rollno:

Beyond a spiritual connection we share the exact same goals in life. Both of us want to open a gymnastics/martial arts gym--it was on both of our admin scales :) He's a former gymnast, personal trainer and martial artist. I'm a former gymnast, cheerleader and martial artist. We both are into rock music, he plays guitar and I play bass. We both want lots of kids. And of course we are both Scientologists, and share that as a purpose as well. We do share some different interests, I have my scrapbooking and girlie stuff and he enjoys hanging with his buddies.

Soooo, along with the flush of love and the whirlwind of romance there is something substantial behind this relationship. I'm sure I am not the first person to be lucky enough to find That Person and recognize them instantly. And I'm sure I am not the last.
 
#64
disenchant said:
It's funny to hear people say you can't know someone nor predict their behavior. The cool thing is you CAN. You CAN know someone if you care to really look at who they are...all the indications are there from the first moment you meet. Usually later on, once they do something crazy you look back and say "oh, I should have known when that person did X that it was weird." I think now that I know more about people I'm a better judge of character than I used to be.

And also, people who worry that someone will change later on or that the other person is putting on a "front" is because they themselves are hiding something.

Before I met this guy I did what we call at our Church an Admin Scale. You basically put down everything you want in a significant other, being as specific as possible and also including hopes and goals for the future. Your Ideal Mate. He had done one too. When we met and had the Instant Connection we later compared Admin Scales. I swear, his was a description of me (but remember he hadn't met me when he wrote it) and mine was a description of him (and I hadn't met him either when I wrote it!) He had even written "Asian or interested in Asian culture" and I had written "songwriter." I had been told that writing up an Admin Scale could help me pull in the right person, and also help me identify wrong people. I'm sure it's what dating services have in mind when they match people up, except for some reason it doesn't always work that well for them. Maybe because people lie on those things :rollno:

Beyond a spiritual connection we share the exact same goals in life. Both of us want to open a gymnastics/martial arts gym--it was on both of our admin scales :) He's a former gymnast, personal trainer and martial artist. I'm a former gymnast, cheerleader and martial artist. We both are into rock music, he plays guitar and I play bass. We both want lots of kids. And of course we are both Scientologists, and share that as a purpose as well. We do share some different interests, I have my scrapbooking and girlie stuff and he enjoys hanging with his buddies.

Soooo, along with the flush of love and the whirlwind of romance there is something substantial behind this relationship. I'm sure I am not the first person to be lucky enough to find That Person and recognize them instantly. And I'm sure I am not the last.
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hey hey more power to ya......all i'm saying is you don't really know a person until you actually see how they live life....what they say or fill out on a card can mean nothing......you could also be lucky and found a good one......but you have to recognize that both scenarios are possible

i mean extreme examples...serial killers and con artists....you are telling me you can figure people out instantly??? that's just not reaility.....if you can you need to be working for the feds or something because you have a gift that no one else does....

i know what you mean....i am very in touch with people and my strongest attribute is being able to "figure someone out"...and getting down to a persons core..(again that is why i am so good at fooling people)....but i have been suprised MANY times in my life with what people i thought i knew have done...

actions speak louder than words....

again though good luck...i do hope it works out! :bassist: just be careful!
 
#66
Bayou_Brawler said:
i mean extreme examples...serial killers and con artists....you are telling me you can figure people out instantly??? that's just not reaility.....if you can you need to be working for the feds or something because you have a gift that no one else does....
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Yes, yes you can figure people out instantly. There is a technique to it which I am not perfect at. I've taken some low-level courses on it and drilled it in real life. There are several points you look at, and there is a technique to engaging the person in conversation. It'll tell you all you need to know about a person and you can accurately predict their behavior. The truly fascinating thing about it is it is correct 100% of the time. Even when I've come across with results and I'm like "no, that can't be" the person will eventually do something that is keeping with the original prediction. People are indeed predictable, if you know what to look for.

It's not a gift. Anyone could learn if they so desired. It is a skill, and takes practice as any other skill does.

I'm positive about my boyfriend's personality, and it seems to jive with what his long time friends say about him.
 
#67
disenchant said:
Yes, yes you can figure people out instantly. There is a technique to it which I am not perfect at. I've taken some low-level courses on it and drilled it in real life. There are several points you look at, and there is a technique to engaging the person in conversation. It'll tell you all you need to know about a person and you can accurately predict their behavior. The truly fascinating thing about it is it is correct 100% of the time.
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Then how come no one predicted that Tom Cruise would be doing this:

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....and if they did predict it, why didn't they stop him so that he didn't look like the world's biggest douche? :eyebrow: :D
 
#69
It's always an interesting study in Human Behavior how people react to other people's happiness.

When someone is down, usually people rush to console them. Take a look at the threads on TB where someone has posted some very sad news. We all band together and say "oh, I'm so sorry" etc. And that's wonderful. We all love to console someone who is doing worse than us.

But take a look at when someone posts something happy. Or take a look at when that happens in the media. You'll get some others who are truly happy for them. Usually these are people who are also doing well in life. But you will mostly get others who try to push the other person back down. You'll get outright catty comments. You'll get those comments masked as "I'm trying to help you by telling you to be careful" when in reality they are trying to slow the person down or cut them down. Most people do not take well to hearing about other's happiness when they themselves aren't doing well, or at least as well as they'd like. Or they don't like seeing someone else achieve the dream they have.

Put ONE crab in a bucket. He will climb his way out. Put SEVERAL crabs in a bucket and they'll all die because as soon as one starts to crawl out the others pull him back down.

This isn't something I am making up. Take a look at the TB threads. (And you will also note that it's usually the SAME PEOPLE who rip others down.) There are people on here who are genuinely funny, and they razz others in the name of fun. But there are those who have an element of seriousness behind their jabs. And that says more about them, and their own lack of happiness than anything else. It's sad when someone has the idea that if THEY can't be happy, they don't want to see anyone else happy either.

You know who you are. And I know who you are too. And so does everyone else.
 
#70
disenchant said:
Yes, yes you can figure people out instantly. There is a technique to it which I am not perfect at. I've taken some low-level courses on it and drilled it in real life. There are several points you look at, and there is a technique to engaging the person in conversation. It'll tell you all you need to know about a person and you can accurately predict their behavior. The truly fascinating thing about it is it is correct 100% of the time. Even when I've come across with results and I'm like "no, that can't be" the person will eventually do something that is keeping with the original prediction. People are indeed predictable, if you know what to look for.

It's not a gift. Anyone could learn if they so desired. It is a skill, and takes practice as any other skill does.

I'm positive about my boyfriend's personality, and it seems to jive with what his long time friends say about him.
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so why has it taken you so long to find a good person?

why did you waste time with all those "duds" if you can figure people out instantly?

you kid right? :)
 
#71
Bayou_Brawler said:
so why has it taken you so long to find a good person?

why did you waste time with all those "duds" if you can figure people out instantly?

you kid right? :)
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I didn't have the information on how to spot the right person before. I just finished the class a few weeks ago. I took the class BECAUSE I was having trouble figuring people out.
 
#74
disenchant said:
I didn't have the information on how to spot the right person before. I just finished the class a few weeks ago. I took the class BECAUSE I was having trouble figuring people out.
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dis are you messing with me? :)

did you have any training on finding a good class? how do you know the teacher was good?

it is coincidence you found the perfect guy a few weeks after taking the class? lol :)

you are messing with me and that is not nice!
 
#75
Bayou_Brawler said:
dis are you messing with me? :)

did you have any training on finding a good class? how do you know the teacher was good?

it is coincidence you found the perfect guy a few weeks after taking the class? lol :)

you are messing with me and that is not nice!
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I did a similar thing to find a good job. Shortly after I finished I found the perfect job. I've been here several months and I LOVE IT!

So yes, it works!
 
#78
disenchant said:
This isn't something I am making up. Take a look at the TB threads. (And you will also note that it's usually the SAME PEOPLE who rip others down.) There are people on here who are genuinely funny, and they razz others in the name of fun. But there are those who have an element of seriousness behind their jabs. And that says more about them, and their own lack of happiness than anything else. It's sad when someone has the idea that if THEY can't be happy, they don't want to see anyone else happy either.
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First off, I'm not your TB bff nor enemy. I have no reason to blindly cheer you on nor cut you down. Most people on TB are the same. In saying that, what you observe about happy threads is interesting but I think there is a different explanation for it.

When people report happy things that happen to them, like you observed, either they get "Congrats!" or they get some sort of harsh opinion (or something in the middle). Why the harshness? I don't think its purely because those people lack happiness. Some, maybe. But mostly its because they aren't your "friends" who put all the smiles up to make you feel good. If they find something a bit off in their opinion, they will quickly tell you what they think without all the pleasantries people that are in your face usually have to hide behind.

You'll either see this as refreshing or jerky. Up to you. But quite honestly, usually when we become defensive about something, we think everyone has no idea what their talking about or are jealous of you. If I were you, I wouldn't take it personally. I'd take it for what it is which are outside parties making an observation on a situation they hardly know anything about. Don't take the observations to heart, but I wouldn't completely write them off.

No forum posts are going change what you are going do or what is going happen. But they are a great way to see wide ranging, unbiased and brutally honest ideas and opinions on a topic. This can only help you. Yes-People are great to build up your ego but seldom have real value. Rely on yourself for an ego stroke. The brutally honest, surface observations can often times reveal what we tend to overlook being so close and involved in the details because we don't, can't or refuse to see the bigger picture. Yeah, they do hurt, but only if you let it.

In all sincerity, congrats and best wishes...
 
#79
As I said before, there is a difference between good-natured razzing, a concerned word from a friend and those who have sour intentions.

As for advice, the only thing I've learned as I got older is be careful who you take advice from. If advice is taken from a person who is now successful in whatever they are advising and they say "hey! I'm successful, here's what I did" then it's probably good advice. If the person is saying "hey, don't do what I did" but they are NOT now successful in that area chances are they don't know what they're talking about or else they'd be successful already. Usually they have not pinpointed the REAL reason they failed or they would have corrected it.

Either way, those who want to congratulate do, those who don't won't and it's all done in the name of entertainment anyway. It gives people something to talk about at the dinner table.
 
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